What Are You Tolerating {...that you shouldn't be...}

Tell me what it is you are tolerating, right now this minute.

Did you know that almost everyone has at least a hundred (yes...100...one-zero-zero...) "tolerations" active in their life at any given time?  It is no wonder we feel anxious, stressed, and experience aches and pains in our physical bodies.  

"Tolerations" are what life coaches call all those things you put up with...walls that need painting, closets that need purging, clutter on the tables, flower beds that need weeding, and cars that need maintenance.  (That list may or may not be autobiographical in nature...)

I am not talking about areas of your life where you need to develop patience, as in a husband who isn't romantic enough, or a child with an annoying habit.  Develop patience.  Train your child.

No, I am talking about the distractions...the draining annoyances...the pebbles in your shoes that are telling you that you should just stop...remove your shoes...and get rid of the pebbles.  

Your level of satisfaction in life...even your ability to attend to the things of God without distraction, is directly related to the number of things you are tolerating.

Sure, you could go swimming in your jeans in an emergency...but every time you swim?   That'd just be annoying.

That is what life lived with tolerations is like:  swimming in your jeans.  How does it feel?  Are you relaxed?  Do you feel free?

Some tolerations are huge.  So huge, we have no business tolerating them on any level.  Some examples would be:  having no church home, carrying a mortgage that you cannot afford, an unemployed adult child living at home paying no rent, disrespect from said adult child (or any child), emotional or physical abuse from a spouse.

The huge tolerations are no-brainers...any woman in her right mind knows she needs to put a stop to those things, somehow.   But the big tolerations are often very, very hard to reduce and eliminate.

However.   You must eliminate them.

Other, more minor tolerations will still hinder those we love from receiving our best, and they keep us from accomplishing our goals with the ease that ought to be characteristic of a Christ-follower.  Ask yourself how much of a "peaceful, non-anxious presence" do you have?  If no one has ever told you that they feel peaceful when they are around you...you do not have a strong, obvious, non-anxious presence about you.  Time to take step one in cultivating an atmosphere-shifting, serene, non-anxious presence (it is your gift to others), by eliminating your own tolerations.

I am currently developing a fun-sheet (as opposed to "worksheet") to help you identify the tolerations in your life, and even come up with a short-term game plan to address them.

Go ahead.  Don't wait for the playsheet, and don't wait for me to coach you (though I would be glad to, if you want to make an appointment.  You can reserve a spot by clicking here). 

Do this:  Eliminate two smallish-yet-draining tolerations in your life by Monday.  Sew that button back on.  Clean your car.

You won't believe how much lighter you  feel.  I promise.  

Journaling Questions:

What is my "huge" toleration?  What is one thing I have no business tolerating, but have been tolerating?

Why am I tolerating it?

What am I afraid of?

Pray over the things you discover...

Post edit:

The FREE "Tolerances Playsheet" is now available!  All you need to do is drop me a line and request the worksheet (I call it a "playsheet"), leaving me your email address.  I will promptly send you the PDF!  As simple as this playsheet is, I think you will find it insightful...I added one exercise at the bottom that will really make you think.

{Warning:  the following post is a bit more melancholy than what you are used to hearing out of me.  I almost shared these thoughts with you, a little over a year ago.  But I deleted the whole post, fearing it was just too sad.  Tonight, I bravely hit "publish", remembering my commitment to "Write Hard and Clear About What Hurts"...}

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I am reminded of an old '70's song tonight - a song that has spoken to me profoundly for about three or four years now. It isn't a "Christian" song. It is a life experience song. A raw and honest and vulnerable song.



Forgive the drama, but every time I hear it, I cry. Sometimes, depending on what has happened in my recent history, I ugly-cry.



Tonight, I ugly-cried. There may or may not have been hiccuping.



But even on a great day, there are always at least tears in my eyes whenever I hear this song. Every. Dang. Time. I am not sure of the story behind the lyrics, but like all really good art (and UNlike Scripture), it lends itself to my own personal interpretation.



I've lived the Landslide. There was a time, many years ago, when I might have seen my reflection in a snow-covered hill...strong...invincible...solid. I built my life around my children, educating them at home, pouring calling and purpose and destiny into them at every opportunity.



I would never have consciously admitted it, but I thought I could insure their outcome with the currency of my own passion for Christ. The child in my heart wanted to believe in happily ever after, and that prodigals only happened to other people.



It's no secret. My sons took their spiritual inheritance and treated it as worse than insignificant.



Landslide.



My world really did crumble. Because I had placed my well-being in something other than In Christ Alone.



A common midlife miscalculation. A sudden riptide that threatened my till-then firm footing. I doubted whether I could really handle the changing seasons of my life.



I held tight to that mis-placed hope, but the winds of change were gale-force and unrelenting for about the space of three years, and I was afraid.  I was so afraid of the human condition called "failure".



One day...I simply let go. Open-palmed and falling forward, God's grace became the only hope I had.



Losing myself in the ensuing landslide was a severe mercy, and a wonderful, bountiful dealing for my soul.



I hope the day comes when, every time my sons hear the hymn "In Christ Alone", they think of me and get misty-eyed...



...and I hope that every time my boys hear "Landslide" they think of me...worship God for His Great Love for them...



...and do the ugly-cry.











"Landslide"



I took my love and took it down

I climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Till the landslide brought me down



Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?



Well, I've been afraid of changing

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too



Well, I've been afraid of changing

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too

Oh, I'm getting older too



I take my love, take it down

I climb a mountain and turn around

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Will the landslide bring you down

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Will the landslide bring you down, oh, oh

The landslide bring you down







Grace and Peace,



Sheila Atchley



All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Building An Altar of Gratitude {...and lifting up my soul...}

I hope this well-encourages your soul.  The Preacher and I "slipped the surly bonds" of chores and work and phones for a couple of hours today.

I just wanted to share a few of the images with you.  {The song is "Lift Up My Soul" by Judah and the Lions}

Moments before we decided to make the drive back home, I plunged my hands into the river, cold and elbow-deep, for the perfect, flat rocks.  I wanted to build a tiny altar - to memorialize our recent Resurrection Sunday, for spending the day with the whole family...parents and prodigals and children and their spouses and grandchildren...all of us trophies of grace...and it was perfect in its imperfection.  We without doubt were living a dream we did not earn and do not deserve.

Oh, this life...this life in Christ...

I needed to thank God for all His goodness to me...

Multiple Social Media Identities {Can We Raise Awareness?}

{Thank you in advance for grace...this is a re-post from my archives - one that I will be bringing out periodically this year, all year long.  It has gotten amazing response, with at least two other "selves" deleted that I know about.  Raising awareness of this important issue...please do share across all your social media platforms, and include, if you will, the hashtag #onlyoneme.  Many thanks...}











{Girls and moms, please feel free to click on, and save the above image, pin it to Pinterest, and share it across your social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, or Vine.}



I am 47 years old. I am a pastor's wife. I have pudge around my middle-aged middle.



Three strikes against me, you'd think, when it comes to all these super cool, super cute highschool and college girls....three strikes, so you'd think I'd be out. But I'm in!



For whatever reason, y'all like me.



That may be because I adore you.



I do. I haven't met a young girl but what I didn't feel the urge to coach or mother her into her identity in Christ. I told my last girl I mentored, straight up, "I love you, and I am here to grab you by your arm, and DRAG you as FAST AS YOU CAN RUN to meet up with your destiny, because you are behind the time of your development!"



And that's what we did.



I have a new burden about others of you. I want those of you with more than one social media identity (on Instagram, Vine, Snapchat, or even Facebook) I want you to delete every other identity/account you have, and keep only the one you wouldn't mind your daddy or momma to see.



Will the "real you" please stand up?



Can you stand up courageously, by declaring to your entire social media platform that there is #onlyoneme. Ask all your friends: Will the real you please #standup ?



If you are REALLY brave, let everyone who follows you know that you have #deletedmyotherselves



If you have only one social media identity, across all platforms, and your parents are welcome to see most of what is there...please speak up, and challenge your peers to the same policy.



Why? Because these multiple technology personalities are hurting your friends. Like...really damaging them, psychologically and emotionally. When I was your age,I lied about who I was calling on that phone that was tethered to the wall in the family kitchen. A very low tech,low investment lie.



Today, you guys can lie elaborately, and with a single deleting swipe of a finger,an entire false persona can be concealed...in an instant.





Join me, if you will, in starting a movement. A bold move towards a genuine honest undisguised YOU. Delete those other "selves" if you are one of the many who has them:













{again, please feel free to share the above, square #onlyoneme collage banner. Share the hashtag and banner across all your social media platforms.}



Join me, girls, and let's create a movement of young women who are willing to be genuinely and conspicuously THEMSELVES.



Please share this post with your highschool and college age girlfriends - leave me a comment below if you are ready to join me in starting a movement.



#onlyoneme

#deleteyourotherselves

#willtherealyoupleasestandup

Our New Raised Garden Beds {Oh Happy Day}

...so our Saturday began thusly:

Going big AND going home.  Why does it have to be EITHER "go big" OR "go home"?  I think home is the place to shine.  This was the topsoil delivery truck for Operation Raised Bed Gardening.

...about mid-day.  Thank heaven for sons-in-love.  Even skinny-ish ones.  These men beasted it yesterday.

...as the sun sank in the western sky, just last night.

The Preacher was as achey and tired as a man could be today - and Sundays are not his day off.  So many thanks to my father, Harry Gilreath, for the amazing message on "An Increase of Faith".  It was such a practical word for business owners, mommas, daddies, employees, even kids.  I think everyone came away feeling so blessed.

And as the sun sinks low in that western sky tonight, this Preacher's Wife is planning her vegetable plantings with an enthusiasm that is almost violent.

So.  So.  Excited.

If Today Was "Backwards Day" {calling bad good, being backassward and thinking it's OK}

Being backassward is dangerous...but let's imagine....





If today was Backwards Day, I would take all my middle-aged angst and offense, and in one glorious moment of narcissism I would use it as my excuse to say, "Ah, the hell with it. I am going to "break free" of the confining venues of church and Sundays and sermons and leadership and grow flowers."



What woman wouldn't rather do that, right?



If today was Backwards Day, I would be okay with hurting little children and all my girlfriends, and chalk it up to the fact that they just don't understand.



If today was Backwards Day, I would run right back to the law for my righteousness.



If today was Backwards Day, I would burn bridges with my own flesh and blood because they hurt me first.



If today was Backwards Day, I would be so needy of my grown children's approval, I would sell out my convictions.



If today was Backwards Day, I would back off, back down, lay back and coast because that's what the next generation wants to see....sheer jaded unenthusiasm.



If today was Backwards Day, I would love bunnies and puppies and mountains more than people. Bunnies and mountains don't have opinions that alter My Reality.



If today was Backwards Day, I would travel and buy a boat and build a barn for my Nubian goats, while giving less of my money and none of my time so that Haitian pastors can have four block walls and a few chickens.



If today was Backwards Day, I would get my chainsaw and sever important relationships and think I was all badass and brave for doing it. I would even find a morbid sense of "healing" in it.



If today was Backwards Day, I would question leadership while being completely unwilling to shoulder responsibility and lead. I would also shoot at leaders via Facebook.



If today was Backwards Day, I would think that all my friends need to show they care about me, not me show that I care about all my friends.



If today was Backwards Day, I would hate country music.



{just wanted to see if you were still with me...}



If today was Backwards Day, I would make reckless, self centered choices, and think that a few poetic lines on my blog can justify my reasoning. I might call my choice "do it, duck, and run"....yeah, that sounds Christlike, right?



Oh wait, being conformed to His image is neither here nor there, when it's all about me and my fragile faith.



If today was Backwards Day, I would feel no obligation to explain myself. Am I my brother's keeper?



That pretty much covers it. Anybody for declaring tomorrow the Official Backwards Day?



Thought not. If you think that'd just be wrong....you'd be right.







Grace and Peace,



Sheila Atchley



All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Catch and Release {Why I Love Instagram}

One of the most important spiritual exercises we can do, is to practice a conscious gratitude for momentary gifts, without the need to "own" or hold onto those gifts.

If our sense of God and of life is one of scarcity, then we feel jealous of others gifts. We compete, because deep down we feel there is a limited supply of happy, and if someone else has more, that means we have less, and we are driven to prove our own value. Scarcity mentality motivates us to cling to people, things, and experiences as though that little bit of joy might be the last we are allowed to experience until next week...or next year.

An abundance mindset blesses us with the feeling that, at any moment, the little floater of our awareness, bobbing on the surface of our consciousness, is going to tell us that we are getting a nibble of joy...




...and the tug of the nibble often means that there is a big fat benediction on the hook...a Great Grace...this Present Moment...and we get to reel it right in.

And when we land it, when we pull it in, alive and gyrating, we don't have to kill the Present Moment by hanging onto it forever, trying to make it last and last.

On the contrary. Like all good fisherman, we can catch, kiss, and gently release. Because there are many, many more precious and present moments in this ocean of life.

Because the sweetness is in the catching, not the keeping.




This is why history's most joyful saints didn't have big houses or well wadded bank accounts. They didn't live lavishly. Their awareness of true riches made them gather wild flowers, good books, and good friends. They needed no tangible memento - they could catch and release, knowing they would pick flowers, read, and have coffee again with a friend tomorrow. Their God daily loaded them with benefits, and they lived like this is true.

I think those old saints and monks would have loved my iPhone.


I use my iPhone as my fishing pole - my tool for my catch and release lifestyle of joy. When something touches me, I reel that moment right in, "kiss" it, and release it with each push of the "share" button. Some days there are just. so. many. fish. (Hypothetically.) Other days, I might reel in only one or two. But you can be certain I am taking joy just watching for the first nibble of beauty.

You may have a practice of mindful catch-and-release gratitude like mine. I love to invite Jesus Christ to walk with me, from the beginning of the day to my present moment in a chronological meander...picture by picture by picture. Or I may find Christ inviting me to linger with him over specific moments or feelings or thoughts from the day.




These images were the special moments in the day when I felt His smile in some small thing, or felt a twinge of something that made me catch the Present Moment and reel it in for closer examination.

I find it such an art, to catch and release those milliseconds of grace, knowing...trusting...that this life of mine is brim-ful of benefit. I exist, drenched in His overflow. I have His life in me, and that life is exuberant and knows but one way: "increase - no end."




And so yes, I grab my phone and snap the image and release it back into the ocean of His grace. I then cast my hook and wait to feel the next nibble of happiness.

This whole spinning earth is full of His glory. I need not cling or claim ownership of any experience, person, or thing. There is way more where that bit of joy came from, and heaven is forever.


Visit me over on Instagram (user name is SheilaAtchleyDesigns)? Join me in my daily meditation practice of "catch and release"? (See live Instagram Invitation link to the right sidebar.)




Grace and Peace,

Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...