My Brand New Podcast {Being Willing to Do Some Things Badly...for a little while...}

I am excited to be offering this to me, it represents hours and hours of hard work - I am notttt tech savvy.  It isn't perfect, it isn't even wonderful {yet}, but as you will hear me say, you have to be willing to do some things badly, at least for a little while.


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Do Your Daily "Math" Assignment {A Coaching Moment}

I think you remember those grade school math sheets...they looked like this:

______  + ______ = _______

{with one or two of the values filled in, of course, depending on the skill being taught.}

I want to coach you for a minute, if you are okay with that.  I want to give you an assignment - one that is guaranteed to bring out the very best that is already inside you, by grace through faith, if you are a follower of Christ.

And of course, there is a playsheet being developed for my original coaching technique, as we speak.

First, I want you to think of every positive emotion you would like to feel.  I want you to think of the desired outcome...the "sum" of the equation.

To put this another way:  If presented with a closet of choices, do we want to put on the joy dress, or the peaceful dress, or the calm and loving dress, or the successful dress today?  

Often, this is a brand new idea - this notion that we can choose how we want to feel.  We are not at the mercy of our circumstances, and we cannot blame someone else for how we feel. No, not even our husband.


The minute you make your feelings someone else's fault, you are playing the victim card.

Nothing good can come of it.  Please hear me:  Nothing.  Good.

So yeah, think of several really juicy, wonderful, positive feelings.

This exercise is based on the premise (the solidly Biblical premise) that our thoughts create feelings, AND our actions create feelings.

Many, many, many coaches will teach you that thoughts create feelings.  But most put the continuum like this:

Circumstances trigger Thoughts trigger Feelings trigger Actions trigger Results.

It's true.  But it isn't the whole truth.

The whole truth is, Biblically we can also act how we want to feel.  (This truth sometimes goes by the dirty word called obedience) .

This week - right now, even - I want you to meditate about how you really want to feel in your life.  Think of God honoring feelings, fullness-of-joy, abundant living feelings...that is what I want you to list.  Go on and list as many as you can.

Then, pick the top 3 ways you want to feel...the ways you wish with all your heart that you could feel, "if only"....

Insert one of those feelings to the right of the "=" sign, in your math equation.

Secondly, what meditation...what "true truth" about God or about yourself or about your husband or about your circumstances...would create that feeling?  What would happen if you simply chose that thought, and decided to believe it and receive it by faith?  Put that meditation in either blank, to the left of the "=" sign, in your math equation.

Lastly, what action would "seal" or validate or back up or act out that thought?  It could be as simple as singing a song, or complimenting a loved one, or being a little more generous with your money than you are accustomed to being.  If you really believed that righteous thought, what would you be doing?  Boil it down to one word (maybe two) and insert into the last blank, to the left of your "=" sign, in your math equation.

Then do that action.

Keep doing that action.  Keep meditating on that true truth.

It might look like this:  God loves me  +  release all fear of scarcity  =  Feeling Safe and Sure

Or, your equation might look like this:  "I want to feel peace about my prodigal sons." (That one may or may not be autobiographical.)  I recommend that you choose a thought that lines up with the word of God -   "God loves them more than I do"...or "He is married to the backslider".  The act I  you might choose to "seal" that meditation is to simply pray a very brief prayer, every single time fear tries to grip me you.

Therefore, my  your equation could look like this:

The Lord is married to them + the prayer "How You love them!" = Peace

Every time fear presents itself, return to your meditation, and then quickly pray.

I also recommend that you spend time with the peaceful thought.  Linger.  Absorb it.  Inject it.  Speak it to your soul.

Lather, rinse, repeat.  It's kind of a plug and play game!  Have fun with God and yourself with it.  Discover how utterly unchangeable God is, and how completely confused you often are, and discover how empowering it is to take steps to choose a thought and act in a way that would give you a desired feeling.

This + This = This

As surely as day follows night, if you do your daily math assignment, your heart will begin to beat with a positive emotion.  It will be full of a noble theme, and your tongue will become the pen of a ready writer (to quote the Psalmist).

{email me if you want this coaching playsheet delivered to your inbox}

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"Then the children of Joseph spoke to Joshua, saying, “Why have you given us only one lot and one share to inherit, since we are a great people, inasmuch as the Lord has blessed us until now?”

 So Joshua answered them, “If you are a great people, then go up to the forest country and clear a place for yourself there in the land of the Perizzites and the giants, since the mountains of Ephraim are too confined for you.”

But the children of Joseph said, “The mountain country is not enough for us; and all the Canaanites who dwell in the land of the valley have chariots of iron, both those who are of Beth Shean and its towns and those who are of the Valley of Jezreel.”

 And Joshua spoke to the house of Joseph—to Ephraim and Manasseh—saying, “You are a great people and have great power; you shall not have only one lot, but the mountain country shall be yours. Although it is wooded, you shall cut it down, and its farthest extent shall be yours; for you shall drive out the Canaanites, though they have iron chariots and are strong.”  (Joshua 17:14-18)

When I spoke this past February at a women's conference in North Carolina, this was one of the texts I used.  In it, we find the story of a tribe whose time to GROW had come.  

So they approached their leader Joshua (who is a type of Christ, in Scripture) and basically asked for more territory.  

You have to remember...or you must realize...that God is the original "territorial Spirit".  HE puts the solitary in families, HE ordained tribes and households and boundaries.  Today, HE ordains families, local churches, and we are still called to both expand the territory we are given, and guard its boundaries.  

Joshua's answer?  Grow up.  

Literally...grow upwards.  "Go up to the forest country.  Sure, there are boulders and trees and giants with serious weapons, but if you want to expand - get to work."

And so it is for you, beautiful one, if you will allow me a brief coaching moment with you.  I need to ask you to ask yourself what it is you are afraid of.  Identify your giants.  Be as concise as you can.  Let's start with three.  What three things, in terms of your growing up, are you most afraid of?

There comes a point when you are increasing in your gift, that you will be called both to "GROW UP" and to "go up higher".  You will have to engage your next enemy.  New territory will not be gained as easily as before (when it was simply given) but you can do this thing.

Can I tell you?  Jehovah is on your side...and at the same time, no other human being - no spouse, counselor, life coach or friend - can do it for you.  No one else can expand and grow your marriage...or your business...or your family.  

"You are, in fact, a gifted woman. So go up..."

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Launch First - Tweak As You Go {...all the most effective people do...}

Well, I heard my son-in-law preach an amazing message on launching out in faith - not duty, not going through the motions - to invest the gifts and finances God has given us, because His heart is to bless and multiply us.

It is with that attitude of heart that I share with you "Episode 1 of Something" very very first "Podcast".

Launch first, tweak as you go.  If I have learned anything in being an artist and a person whose creativity IS her business, I have learned to just do it.  If you wait until it is perfect, you will never do much at all.

So it is in this spirit and this attitude - an attitude of faith and the desire to let God multiply everything I can give to Him - that I finally begin another thing   project   creative that has been on my heart for quite some time.

Thing is...what is there to lose?  Someone, somewhere may think it foolish, but affirming the word I heard today also affirms the young speaker, and affirms me - because if I am not going to do something with what I heard will be the next, best time?

Your {Simple Yet Powerful} Playsheet is Ready...

As promised, I prepared you a "Tolerations Playsheet".

 And she is deceptively simple.

Because science confirms that the head and heart and hand are intricately connected, and it is hugely important to write things down.  One powerful thought:  you cannot write something down, while thinking about something else.

To journal, write, or otherwise document with your own hand what your thoughts are, requires that you begin to process your life on a deep level.  Try it.  Trust me.

To get your own PDF file that you can print, pour yourself a cup of coffee, and sit down in a quiet place with, simply email me with the word "Playsheet" in the subject line, and include your email address.  I will send your very own coaching playsheet, at no charge.  Yours will look slightly very different than the one you see below...below is the beta version, but it will give you an idea.

Now, onto the coaching...

Here are your instructions:

~ Identify your top three tolerations.  Make sure that if you are living with a huge toleration      (explanation here) that you are completely honest with yourself, and list that at the very top.  Then, simply identify two more...the two that bother you the most.  You are writing these "top three" down in order to bring them into your conscious are  "putting them on your radar screen" so to speak.  They may actually be SO huge that you will not be able to address them quickly or easily.  That is okay.  You will be surprised how much your mind and heart will begin to search for wisdom and solutions, all on their own, simply by observing fact and calling it what it is:  a toleration.

~Next, list three tolerations that will cost you nothing to address.  This is for the "quick win"...and trust me, you need and want a quick win, because the first and last lists are going to kick your butt.  You will eliminate these tolerations within the week.

~Last, identify three tolerations that by nature mean that you will have to initiate a conversation with someone you live with...not one of your friends.  These last three "requiring a conversation" tolerances may be much the same as your first three (the three that must stop "NOW").  Or, your tolerances that require a conversation may be completely different from your three biggest ones listed at the top of your playsheet.

It's your life, it is your time to think and be compassionately honest with yourself.  (I don't believe in being brutally honest with yourself - but that is another coaching moment for another day...)

Fact is, many of our tolerations DO involve family members.  Friends?  Not so much.  Most of us don't live with friends - unless you are single and sharing a space with room mates.  If so, think of them as family.   Something about them may qualify as an unnecessary tolerance that "requires a conversation".  Otherwise, with friends, I recommend patience, unless the behavior of a friend is crossing important boundaries.

But those we live with, family or otherwise, can present us with challenges that we sometimes learn to tolerate.  Notice I did not say "challenges that we choose to be patient with"...that is different.  No, I am talking about things we are tolerating that we should not be tolerating - both for our own sake, and the other person's sake.  It blesses no one when one person is tolerating another person.

Think with me:  is there someone in your everyday life, whose behavior has caused you to come up with elaborate coping mechanisms?  You may really have to print your sheet out and take time to ponder, because this is a "live" one - as they say in the coaching industry.

Why?  Because often our coping strategies become so engrained, we don't even notice them anymore.  For example:  an adult, unemployed child comes home, obviously in a bad mood, and you automatically begin either trying to deflect his mood, or isolate yourself elsewhere in your own house, or eat a whole pan of brownies.  (That may or may not be autobiographical in nature...)

Girlfriend, it is time for a conversation.

We all have a few tolerances that require a calm, well-thought-out conversation with a family member who we love dearly.  I promise you are not the only one.  You must:  1.  think through what you need to say, and 2.  schedule these conversations, also within one week.

The only rule for that last list:  that you request no more than fifteen minutes of anyone's time, to discuss the issue.  Word of counsel:  the more emotional the subject, the more public your discussion needs to be.  For example, if you are addressing an emotionally touchy topic, you carefully plan what needs to be said, you request 15 minutes of the loved one's time at a coffee shop, and you lovingly, peacefully speak your peace, and then get feedback.  This keeps both of you on task, as neutral as possible, on target, and taking no unnecessary emotional side roads.

You are guaranteed to at least be well on your way to a breakthrough in 15 minutes flat, if not experiencing full-on breakthrough in 15 minutes.  It can be done, and in fact is done all the time.

Again, if you'd like a playsheet that you can sit down with, think, sip coffee, and have a "come to Jesus meeting" with yourself, just email me with the word "Playsheet" in the subject line, and include your email address, so I can send you the PDF I developed.

What Are You Tolerating {...that you shouldn't be...}

Tell me what it is you are tolerating, right now this minute.

Did you know that almost everyone has at least a hundred ( "tolerations" active in their life at any given time?  It is no wonder we feel anxious, stressed, and experience aches and pains in our physical bodies.  

"Tolerations" are what life coaches call all those things you put up with...walls that need painting, closets that need purging, clutter on the tables, flower beds that need weeding, and cars that need maintenance.  (That list may or may not be autobiographical in nature...)

I am not talking about areas of your life where you need to develop patience, as in a husband who isn't romantic enough, or a child with an annoying habit.  Develop patience.  Train your child.

No, I am talking about the distractions...the draining annoyances...the pebbles in your shoes that are telling you that you should just stop...remove your shoes...and get rid of the pebbles.  

Your level of satisfaction in life...even your ability to attend to the things of God without distraction, is directly related to the number of things you are tolerating.

Sure, you could go swimming in your jeans in an emergency...but every time you swim?   That'd just be annoying.

That is what life lived with tolerations is like:  swimming in your jeans.  How does it feel?  Are you relaxed?  Do you feel free?

Some tolerations are huge.  So huge, we have no business tolerating them on any level.  Some examples would be:  having no church home, carrying a mortgage that you cannot afford, an unemployed adult child living at home paying no rent, disrespect from said adult child (or any child), emotional or physical abuse from a spouse.

The huge tolerations are no-brainers...any woman in her right mind knows she needs to put a stop to those things, somehow.   But the big tolerations are often very, very hard to reduce and eliminate.

However.   You must eliminate them.

Other, more minor tolerations will still hinder those we love from receiving our best, and they keep us from accomplishing our goals with the ease that ought to be characteristic of a Christ-follower.  Ask yourself how much of a "peaceful, non-anxious presence" do you have?  If no one has ever told you that they feel peaceful when they are around do not have a strong, obvious, non-anxious presence about you.  Time to take step one in cultivating an atmosphere-shifting, serene, non-anxious presence (it is your gift to others), by eliminating your own tolerations.

I am currently developing a fun-sheet (as opposed to "worksheet") to help you identify the tolerations in your life, and even come up with a short-term game plan to address them.

Go ahead.  Don't wait for the playsheet, and don't wait for me to coach you (though I would be glad to, if you want to make an appointment.  You can reserve a spot by clicking here). 

Do this:  Eliminate two smallish-yet-draining tolerations in your life by Monday.  Sew that button back on.  Clean your car.

You won't believe how much lighter you  feel.  I promise.  

Journaling Questions:

What is my "huge" toleration?  What is one thing I have no business tolerating, but have been tolerating?

Why am I tolerating it?

What am I afraid of?

Pray over the things you discover...

Post edit:

The FREE "Tolerances Playsheet" is now available!  All you need to do is drop me a line and request the worksheet (I call it a "playsheet"), leaving me your email address.  I will promptly send you the PDF!  As simple as this playsheet is, I think you will find it insightful...I added one exercise at the bottom that will really make you think.