One thing for sure characterizes mid-life: unresolved issues. The ability to have presence and poise in the midst of the unresolved problems requires a few sturdy boxes.
I'll explain that.
2 Corinthians 4:8 says, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair..."
2 Corinthians 6:10 takes it even further, "...(we are) sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything..."
In short, every believer in Christ has to learn to coexist with the unresolved - with patience and grace and even (dare I say) joy. The alternative means that we will only be truly happy when everything is practically nearly perfect. Even the so-called simple questions rarely have instant answers. We will be continually confronted with that which is less-than-ideal in life - and sometimes, the less-than-ideal situation can become very, very serious and complicated.
The only way to get past mere coexisting with the Unresolved - the only way to truly live and thrive in spite of the Unresolved, is to learn to box it up. Box it all up - large and small. Put the big stuff into a big box, and put the little stuff into a little box.
Middle-messes must have boxes to keep them from migrating into all areas of your life. Boxing up an issue means emotionally isolating and containing it, so that it does not negatively affect other precious parts of life. For example: one can experience deep disappointment in a prodigal child, without allowing the grief of it to make them lash out at a friend or leave their church or get a divorce.
A few good sturdy boxes will insure that when three or thirty things are going wildly wrong, those things will not contaminate the one hundred things that are going right.
It's an art. Boxing things up is a learned skill that becomes an art form. It can sometimes be the only thing that creates beauty and order, when all of life seems chaos.
I remember, not that long ago, talking to the Preacher. The conversation was beyond casual. We were in his truck, headed to Costco for grandbaby snacks and birdseed. Nothing profound was being said. Though I should have been able, by then, to have discussed the subject casually, the topic had a painful and sensitive background. I thought I was past a lot of the pain. Nevertheless...tears, unexpected and unbidden, began to seep from my eyes. Looking back, I think it was just one of those days.
My Preacher looked at me, truly compassionately, and said, "You need to get in the presence of God and let Him help you get to the bottom of where all this is coming from."
My answer to him was just this: "No. No, I don't. I need to put all this back in the box, close it up, and write on the box, "GOD KNOWETH". I don't need to examine and process this. I need to give it to God - and give it to Him radically. Someday, I will be able to get this box off the shelf, open it, and I will find that what is in it no longer hurts."
So yeah. I would make a horrible therapist. But I can tell you - this is the only thing I can do that actually does require a true faith-response from me. For me, a capable and compulsive fixer, a mother, a problem-solver...boxing it all up takes audacious faith. Therefore, it pleases God. I know it does.
Boxing up your crap may not work for you. But it works wonders for me. I believe God is at work on those boxes of mine, bringing healing and freedom and blessing on levels unconscious to me. I don't have to tend to those unresolved emotions. I don't have to dissect them or even understand them. I can simply box them up and let God have them. Inner healing can happen in those boxes, while I am making art and grilling chicken and loving on grandchildren. I believe that.
I am grateful for boxes. They enable me to live my life as a cohesive whole, when otherwise I would be obsessing over some nagging piece of unresolved dilemma. I can stop thinking about the unresolved parts, and read a book or take a walk or make love or laugh and be happy. Sometimes boxing up our crap is the only responsible thing to do - the only thing that gives us emotional availability to our lives, and those we love.
Say it with me: boxes are good. Boxes are necessary. Thank you, God, for boxes.
3 comments:
I think or want to think that this is a good idea, but it seems my problem has been that I've been boxing things up my whole life, and hidden a lot of stuff there, that recently all came out when my life blew up a short while ago. It's like I can no longer put these things back, but I certainly have been unable to deal with them all... But I fear just boxing things back up, for fear of going back to how things were... I wish I had an answer here, and I don't expect you to have one--you aren't a therapist, as you said. ;-) But you have given me much to think about... thanks.
Maybe you can box it all back up, throw all the boxes into the ocean, and begin again? I don't know. There IS one other simple tool, other than boxing it all up alone: letting those loose and potentially dangerous things be seen by someone who simply has compassion. Just one other woman, who can see exactly what it is that you are re-boxing...someone who will watch with you while you put it back in the box. It makes the thing being contained seem smaller than it used to be. Less scary.
I guess what I am saying is that endless self examination hasn't worked for me. I need grace-girls in my life who will say to me, "You know what? All of this is real, none of it is going to be resolved anytime soon, and it cannot be allowed to ruin the parts of your life that are beautiful. Let me help you isolate and contain these burdens, and then cast them onto The Lord, who Alone can bear them."
Boxing things up, for me, is a metaphor for RADICALLY rolling my cares onto Christ...and then refusing to ruminate over them. Because no woman by thinking about it has ever changed her height, or changed one hair from white to black (to paraphrase the words of Christ). Some things can't be changed by any means, much less by worry.
Boxing things up "inside" versus boxing them up and writing "this belongs to God" on the box, and actually handing the box over to Him might be two different things?
Yeah. Therapist I am not. Perhaps a trained counselor can go over the contents of your boxes with you.
Praying for you today! You are so beautiful and you are His beloved.
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