My pastor-husband and I are in the midst of a process with our oldest son. This process began about a year ago, and is now reaching the point of decision for him. We have been doing the hard thing, in obedience to God's word, and are fully prepared to see it through - following the example given to us by New Testament Scripture.
One year ago, in our flesh, we had moments when we wanted to circumvent the process, and act rashly. What parent of a rebellious son doesn't struggle with that? But when we searched the Scriptures, we realized we were not free to deal with this situation as mere parents - but as church leadership. (These aren't incidental things we are dealing with. We were open with people in this.)
So, contrary to the opinion of someone near us at the time, someone who was demanding that we deal with our son their way, we consulted Scripture. Thankfully, we chose to resist the urge to manipulate and control. We decided that those who preach the gospel should "live of" the gospel, and live of it in ways that go far deeper than an income. We chose, under a "multitude of counsel" from more experienced leaders, a slightly different, a wiser course of action, instead of giving into the demands of the one person.
Our son, we decided, would not be anyone's doctrinal experiment. This would be handled "by the Book".
We rather chose to imitate the heart of God and extend our son the same Biblical process, the same freedom to fail and space for repentance that any member of the church is entitled to, should they exhibit a desire to be helped. All while carefully watching over the flock of God to insure that our son's process could not harm some unsuspecting young person.
Yeah. Try and walk that tightrope. It will humble you to the dust, drive you to your knees, and cost you more than you imagine.
The law is so much easier, friends. The
quid-pro-quo way of dealing with others: "you do this, I treat you accordingly"..."here is what you must do"...that mentality requires NO obedience on your part. It is NOT the hard thing to do.
The rigid application of the letter of the law is not true obedience. It is a clever
counterfeit. The rigid application of the letter kills. Pure and simple. Anything masquerading as life is carefully scripted and skillfully managed.
(
Law must control.
Because Life is Messy, you see. People sin and stuff.)
You can't take even the Biblical, New Testament guidelines and "letter-
ize" them. You can't picture the process of "if your brother is overtaken in a sin, you who are spiritual, go and restore him in a spirit of meekness" as being a series of steps that might take one week. Quite frankly, restoration can take months (in some cases, years) there is no set time table.
No two cases ever look the same. That alone makes a legalist crazy. They are all about being fair, and "what about John?" (John 21:21)
And restoration can look, for a time, like a failure...all the while, it is going to be wildly successful in the end.
So. We have reached the place that - with an eye towards ultimate restoration - we are willing to take the next step in this long process, whatever that step involves, regardless of the emotional cost to us. We are completely confident that every grace has been extended to our son. We are confident that we have closely followed a Biblical pattern, going by the Spirit, not rote, mindless rule of law. We know we have paid an excruciating price to "live of the gospel" in this. Thankfully, this long arduous process has cost no one else. Just us and our family. Dearly. But that is as it should be. I would not trade the lessons I've learned for any price.
The point?
Only now, after months, is it time to conclude this process one way or another. (It yet remains to be seen what our son will ultimately decide. This is a communication from the front lines, my friends, not a nice, neat observation from hind-sight.)
Our biggest lesson? True obedience is relational. If you can complete it expeditiously, list in hand, it isn't obedience. If it does not require you to change your mind, it isn't obedience. If it doesn't humble you, and take you completely outside your own version of personal peace, it is not obedience.
Obedience is not a rigid set of steps to be ticked off, all so we can all feel like we have acted courageously. No. True obedience...true courage....it goes the distance with
people. It endures a long process with
people...human beings who were not even created to conform to a list. Progress is not linear. At times what does not look like progress, is in fact the greatest progress of all.
To act
Biblically will cost you. Some who you least expect will accuse you of the fear of man, and of being lax about sin, when in reality the very opposite is the truth. (These are typically the very ones who refuse to go the distance with anyone who significantly displeases them.)
However this comes out, there is still a relationship with our son. It might have to be strained for however long, but not
estranged. Because if you don't have at least a relationship, you had nothing to work from in the first place.
And who knows...our son may choose very wisely and very well. Either way, this process is a triumph of grace, and an exercise in actual (versus imagined) obedience to Christ.
I heard my husband telling our other son two or three days ago, "In my life, Jesus is Lord. In this house, His Word guides our every decision."
I can attest to your integrity, Timothy! The fact that this process has taken
so long is
living proof of the Lordship of Christ in our lives. The other alternative would have been far easier, much less costly....and it would not have been coming under His Costly Lordship at all.
Here is what I
know: Law requires no personal Lordship - much like doing the speed limit requires no special, submissive relationship to anyone in law enforcement. But you get to feel like you accomplished something... when you really didn't accomplish anything of eternal value.
Us? We are actually accomplishing things - eternal things.
You won't waste a prayer on us!
