Your Spirit {In the Middle}

Welcome to 31 Days of Celebrating the Middle!

I have found what I think is an apt metaphor for the spiritual condition of many women in middle age - the ancient Chinese custom of foot binding.  Bear with me, I think this will make sense to you.

"The Chinese women used to have their feet bound.  Small toeless feet were supposed to be a thing of beauty, and a proof that the woman had never had to work in the fields.  Country girls who had to work hard had unbound, free feet, but the women who were aristocratic or wealthy had to hobble around or be carried, on feet that had had the toes bound underneath to prevent growth;  little-girl feet that were painfully kept from being the lovely free things feet were made to be in the first place.  It is a horrible thought, purposely destroying, by breaking and binding up, the feet that could otherwise have walked, run, jumped, danced, skipped and hopped.  But some Christians have...needlessly crippled their personalities from running, walking and skipping."

(Edith Schaeffer, from her book Hidden Art) 

Girlfriend, I will get to the point:  It is your time to dance again, like you did as a little girl, before your feet were bound by the ties of Christian legalism.  

The biggest turning point in my" life in the middle" came when my Preacher-husband began preaching on the doctrines of grace in January of 2009.  He had preached on grace before, but suddenly he became like a man on fire.  He seemed gripped by a steely determination to preach grace as though lives depended on it.  Little did The Preacher know, at least one life was at risk:  mine  

I was held fast in what I know now to be the dark grip of clinical depression.  My two sons were showing signs of rebellion, and my heart wept with Jeremiah:

For these things I weep; mine eye, mine eye runneth down with water, because the comforter that should relieve my soul is far from me: my children are desolate, because the enemy prevailed. (Lam. 1:6)

Bit by bit, inch by inch, Sunday by Sunday, as I sat under the preaching of grace, the veil of Old Covenant law was removed from my face, and I could see God in the face of Jesus Christ.

A Christian life based on my performance had bound my feet from a very young age.  Thinking that my life could be blessed to any degree by keeping the law - my choosing to live under an expired covenant -  had bound my feet, lo these many decades. 

Suddenly, it had caught up with me.  In a serious way, it had caught up with me.  It was a severe mercy in my middle, and I thank God for it.  Most spiritual renewals start out feeling like nervous breakdowns.

I fell in love with the God of all grace, as He really is.  There I was, having been a Christian for 37 years, and only then was I falling in love with God as He really is...God, in the face of Jesus Christ.  

Tears coursed down my cheeks one night, as I read these words, and felt them come alive:

Belatedly I loved thee,

O Beauty so ancient and so new, belatedly I loved thee.

For see, thou wast within and I was without, and I sought thee out there.

Unlovely, I rushed heedlessly among the lovely things thou hast made.

Thou wast with me, but I was not with thee.

These things kept me far from thee; even though they were not at all unless they were in thee.

Thou didst call and cry aloud, and didst force open my deafness.

Thou didst gleam and shine, and didst chase away my blindness.

Thou didst breathe fragrant odors and I drew in my breath; and now I pant for thee.

 I tasted, and now I hunger and thirst. Thou didst touch me, and I burned for thy peace.  
― Augustine of Hippo, Confessions    

Please give me a little time, this month, to unpack these things of law and grace - Old Covenant and New -  with you.  Please investigate the resources I will share with you, if any of this resonates with your spiritual condition right now. 

31 Days of Celebrating the Middle {Welcome}

        Welcome to 31 Days of Celebrating the Middle!

        

So much emphasis is placed on beginnings and endings.  Almost all beginnings and endings are marked with ceremony or celebration.  Beginnings and endings have whole volumes of song and poetry written about them.   As a woman, I think my two biggest personal expenses in life, when it is all said and done, will be my wedding and my funeral.  Both should involve gorgeous flowers, and poignant ceremony.

Very few souls have had the wisdom to understand the middle, much less sing over it or celebrate it.  Any book or movie or project or life story can be muddled and unclear and messy in the middle.  Many tensions lie there, quietly unresolved. 

We are in the middle.  We can't imagine how all this might end. 

But those who know the One Who holds the future, ah...we can sing over the middle.  In fact, the God of heaven and earth does sing over your middle! 

The LORD thy God  in your middle is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) 

 I believe God brought you here, because you need strong encouragement.  You are either 1.  in the middle, or 2.  about to be in the middle-time of life, or 3.  you are in the middle of something, and you just need to know that Somebody sees the end from the middle and has a plan.

The middle is characterized by a few lost battles.  Maybe even many, many lost battles.   Somewhere, someone you love is deeply wounded.  It can seem that an allusive enemy has prevailed. 

Take heart.  It's just one of the mile-markers that indicates you are in the middle.  Somewhere in your life, it looks like an enemy of apathy, addiction, depression, or the death of a relationship - it looks like one or more of these things have won the battle over you or someone you care about. 

Not so.  Hang with me for the next 30 days, and I will prove it.

Here today, and for the next 30 days, “happy” is the order of the day – not in denial of life’s heartaches, but in the very presence of them.  The heart of God is to set a lavish table for you in the presence of your enemy – and to pour so much wine into the empty places of your heart, that you overflow with a sense of what is possible for you and those you love…right here in the middle. 

Please, please get this, if you get nothing else, this lovely October:  You are no less important at age 35 or 45 or 55, than you were at age 5.  Here’s the thing:  you need no less nurturing, either.  

I have good news for you.  Christ died so that you can be nurtured and profoundly comforted!  Hear the words of Jesus:

Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you.  (John 16:7) 

In this Comforter is found a deep, abiding sense of well being.  Here in this place of being comforted by Very God, right here - and here only - can you discover mercy for the middle. 

Work with me, if you can.  You promise to come back for the next 30 days, and I promise to pray, every time I sit in front of this keyboard, that you leave here encouraged and strengthened, and that God grant me great grace to yank a giggle or two out of you.  

Won't that be worth the price of admission? 

I will leave you here, this first day of our 31 Days of Celebrating the Middle, with a little something to help  you get your groove on.  Enjoy!

Coming This October {31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age}

I am all about the season of life most people call "middle age".  And just like those "middle school years", the years of middle age can be vexing and trying and our self esteem takes a hit like it's 7th grade all over again.  I was still wetting the bed in 7th grade - but don't tell.  Since I am more than a conqueror, I have overcome that little issue.  But other issues - just as discouraging - have cropped up in my middle. 

Yet these middling years determine our later years.  The quality of the end depends on the quality of the middle.  I am passionate to see us strong in body, soul, spirit, relationships, and our calling in life. 

Come October, I celebrate for no good reason - simply because we are, and we have come this far...

I celebrate  and honor middle age in my life and in my art...

And (deep breath) this October I will be taking the {31 Days} challenge - and I will be pouring my heart out to you, in a daily effort to impart joy and encouragement to your middle.

Because we are all "in the middle" of something. 

Join me?

Wild and Wonderful Life

I am surprised myself at the longest blogging hiatus I have taken since I began blogging back in 2008. I have not blogged in about three weeks!

It has been a much-needed chance to regroup before moving forward with bigger and better ideas...so much is going on here at The Cottage, and all of it is good.




This dear friend had his 50th birthday bash...




"Make new friends, but keep the old. one is silver and the other gold." Our 50 year old friend is indeed golden...but these are "silver" friends. Fun, new friends.




Our nephew went off to college...our church gathered to pray over him...that's his two year old brother being held by his father, to the right and just behind him. I am crazy about this whole family.




I am preparing for the October Fall Launch of my new jewelry line...




...as well as the fall launch of my pop-up shop, "Intentionally {American} Vintage". Lots of treasures soon to be up for grabs.




...another new jewelry design. This simple leather pendant gets more compliments than you can believe! We are already well past the "3-compliments-from-3-different-strangers" rule...so this one has to go into the shop, come October.



New art that went to my brick-and-mortar outlet called The Paris Apartment




Another of my designs...




A brass with filigree cuff, with my very own soldered art piece on it - the one entitled "She Was Becoming". I completed the design to good reviews, and with one little tweak, it will be ready to be in my shop.



I wanted to be getting ready to go on a date with my Preacher...experimenting with those little pieces of add-on hair. This was too much, but very soon I will find a happy, fun, natural looking fill...I promise to blog all about it, when I do. Good hair is a southern tradition, and no one cares if you guild the lily here.

...but first, I have to tend to my growing business! I have to go take care of this:











Working together with my daughter Sarah, getting all my jewelry designs and original art pieces beautifully installed in this amazing restaurant/coffee shop/boutique/ art gallery/and gift store made for a fun September day. A fabulous place to bring your friends and spend the afternoon.




There is one of my art girls - peeking from her place amongst the other equally beautifully placed things.




Next came the 20th year celebration of our special church community, where Christ is preached supreme. It was a huge bash, this past Sunday, organized by our dearest friends. We left in tears...blessed with two thoughtful and upscale vacations, one for The Preacher and I by ourselves - the other to fulfill our dream of taking kids and grand kids to the beach!




I was excited to welcome Lovely September...she always used to promise me a mellow month...quiet, with few obligations...but not this time. September has been a diva, this year. Very demanding.

But I still love her best of all.

We've a stunning wedding to officiate this weekend. The bride and groom will be wearing plenty of tattoos, they have a God-glorifying testimony, and will be sporting their team colors.

The Bride is a Tennessee Vol fan (love her!) and the Groom is a Forida Gator fan. He and his "boi's" plan to show in Florida Gator colors.

I have no idea what I will wear (dress is casual) but I can promise that the ensemble will involve orange.

Ya'll, this wedding could cause a church split! I mean, we hope not...but you just have to calm any nervous energy with this:




Yes and Amen.

What do you think? Would you be okay with a football-team-themed-wedding?!!
It's actually going to be beautiful.

Here is my mantra, this insanely busy September...well, mine and the preacher's mantra:




All this, and I am also writing for the blogging community's "31 Day Challenge".

Come October, I will be writing on the subject of "Celebrating Middle Age". A brand new post, each and every single day for 31 days.

Stay tuned...thank you to all who have asked about me during my brief absence.

Grace and Peace,
Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Mercy and Grace in the Middle {When Life is Blessed}

Tonight, I had one of those incredible moments when you realize you are "living a dream you have not earned and do not deserve"...and with that, came the awareness to take joy in it.

And to take a picture.

For now, The Preacher and I are empty nesters. I say "for now" because I have learned to not count chickens 'till they not only hatch, but fly the coop. Ours have flown the coop - and seemingly for good, this time. We have no plans on anyone coming back home. Nevertheless, I crow about nothing anymore, because with young chickens, nothing is certain except them changing their plans.

Because our oldest children were honeymoon twins, I have dreamed about what my empty nest would be like since the first year of marriage! We only ever had about five weeks without the awareness that we were not alone. I have missed those five weeks for 26 years, I won't lie. We would do it no differently, even knowing what we know (how hard that first year was), but 26 years worth of only stolen moments alone, in 26 years of marriage, equals a certain eagerness to actually have our house to ourselves.

We have always speculated what life would be like when it was "just us again". And we were somehow wise enough to dream about it, and to take certain steps very early in our marriage, spiritually and relationally, to ensure that the season of our empty nest is a sweet season.

We were weird like that - a desire to run well and to lead was hard-wired into our relationship.

And so, we all grew up together, my Preacher and I and our kids, and he and I imagined what life would be like...and should be like...when it was "just us again".

Tonight, I realized my life had indeed become all I had imagined and hoped for, as the smell of fresh coffee filled my living room.

I took a picture of the exact moment.

The Preacher made me coffee tonight. He brought it to me in our living room, and sat down to read to me out of the book of Romans.

{Not even lying}

It was the empty-nester-dreams of my youth come to life, complete with the rhythmic song of cicadas outside the window. The only thing that hadn't been part of my dream, was the ipad from which he was reading - it had not yet been invented, since Steve Jobs was probably then using a TRS-80.

There we were..."just us". So this is that which had been spoken by the prophet called "my dreams". This is what it was like.

And I was overwhelmed by the goodness of God, as the sun sunk low through the panes of my golden windows.

Grace and Peace,
Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Chapter IV, In Which Sheila Repeats Herself {Stillness is Over-rated}

Please enjoy a repeat post from the archives...I read this today, and laughed out loud.  I must've been wearing my sassy pants on this day...

So much being written these days about "quiet stillness" and "slowing down" and "taking time to just be". I've been the source of some of it in recent months and years! How boring. How overdone. And here I go ("again", my grumpy critics would say - all critics are grumpy)

Fine. Here I go again...contradicting my own self. I am so comfortable with that.

First of all, life is full of paradox and replete with contradiction. I can have a good day and a bad day, all in the same day! I want to live a simplified-sort of life, yet I want to accomplish a thousand worthy goals. I can love someone and sometimes not like them. The only thing I can't do is care and not care enough to take responsibility, both at the same time. But I hear that some folks manage to do it. If that is you, please tell me your secret. Because when I don't take responsibility, I would have to admit that it is because I don't care.

But in general, I am on good terms with contradiction. I understand it. Rainbows cannot exist without two seeming opposites (sun, rain) coming together.

Think of me as the personification of a rainbow. I am colorful. I am a study in contrasts. Get over it. I don't care, and therefore refuse to be responsible. It's my blog. If it bothers you, go read someone boringly bored-in on one perspective. Go read the stilted paragraphs of an intellectual knot-on-a-log, who just happens to be really trying hard to think pretty, happy thoughts, to compensate for being innately grumpy about everyone else's salvation. Go read an Arminian.

Me? I happen to own it all! (see blog post entitled "I Own That") Contradiction, contrast, paradox, mystery...it all belongs to me, and it all fills me with unjaded - and some tell me contagious - delight.

So. I'm completely worn out, and it is wonderful. My life is anything BUT quiet and sweet and still-ly serene, and that's something to be jealous of.  Be very, very jealous.  Because you can.  And you should be.  Not really.

I've learned that all that "simple, quiet" stuff is all so much bull, anyway. Two types of people carry on about being quiet and serene, as if it were the only thing and better than being beautiful and busy: people who are bored with too much time on their hands, or people who have not yet mastered the art of inner stillness, regardless of outer circumstances.

No one has the authority to talk to you about the stillness of God unless they are currently in the middle of the busiest, most complicated season of their life. No one has the authority to talk to you about scheduling unless they don't have the time to talk to you about scheduling, but they fit it into their schedule anyway. No one has the authority to talk to you about joy unless they are always smiling, after having to fight for their joy. No one has the authority to talk to you about mending fences unless they have mended most of theirs, and no one has the authority to talk to you about relationships unless they are busy loving a whole lot of people.

No one has the authority to talk to you about authority unless they themselves are under authority.

Yeah - Biblical logic trumps everything.

I've been too busy on one side, and I've been too still on the other side. Being "too busy" is better.  Finding inner stillness, no matter what my schedule looks like, is the best of all.

See...being too still makes you feel exhausted. Being too busy makes you feel exhausted, but for all the right reasons. And that kind of exhaustion is both appropriate and curable. All it takes to cure that kind of fatigue is a bath and a nap.

I find myself awakening early in this season of my life, feeling rested and ready most days. I typically lay in bed for awhile longer, savoring the start of a new day, and that is about all the "quiet time" I ever see.

I have recently decided that...honestly, now...I love it. I'm tired, and I'm delighted! I'm worn out from doing the work of tending relationships, and diving into new friendships, sink or swim! I'm tired from the creative outflow of writing, planting, harvesting, helping others, growing, mastering new skills, making new intellectual connections and maintaining all I've studied so far. It takes a whole lot of effort to do what you know!

Next year, I might prattle on about the simple, still life again. If I do, I hope I find a way to make it interesting.

 For now, I'm burning the candle at both ends, and it feels like a party. It is both healthy and desirable to burn the candle at both ends, when you can afford another box of candles anytime you want them. An empty schedule equals an empty life. My daytimer is crammed full of names and events. Such a full life.

Makes me tired, just writing about it.

How You Think of Others Matters {Leadership 101}

Leaders are low drama women, no gossip women, truth telling women, and women who consistently speak positive things about others...especiallywhen others give them a reason to be negative.

The life of a leader is so nourished in the goodness of God, there is no empty vacuum left to fill itself with negativity towards others. Jealousy never springs from a deep sense of well being.

The grace of God, found in the Gospel, imparts such depth of satisfied soul, the thought of jealousy or competition is silly and superfluous. There are many, more lovely ways to spend my happy emotional energy. Your emotional energy has to have unhappiness to feed off of, in order for jealousy to become the tool it needs to be to motivate all that secret competition.

A leader must have a deep sense of well being, rooted in the Gospel. Then, She never feels the need to blow out someone else's candle. In fact, you will often find her lighting the candles of others.

She loves it when others shine...

No other way to reach this honored place, except to become a woman who thinks rightly, and as highly as she honestly can, about each and every person in her life. Those she cannot think highly of, she must yet think of one good and positive thing, and focus on that. Then, in terms of any abundant negative evidence, she simply mustn't speak of the person at all.

Jealous and prone to compete....or secure, with deep, deep well being?

Leader....or not a leader?

The answer to the first question, also answers the second.

Above all, be honest with yourself. The Bible says, "Above all, guard your heart. For out of it, springs the direction of your life." Part of guarding that heart of yours, is knowing what is in it, and whether what is in it belongs there...or needs repenting of.