I Cannot Choose!

Today has been one of those days (they happen to me pretty often) where I have contemplated a thousand thoughts of beauty. Which one to choose? What to send out, to take its place in the trillions of words and billions of ideas sloshing around the internet this day?

My (so far) 18 month obsession with 3X5 index cards as an organizational tool? The thought of a Blackberry is tempting but unnecessary, PDA's DOA, and even my Outlook cannot outshine the simple, earthy, physical act of putting pen to paper - paper that happens to be the perfect size and intensely portable. Many more ideas have been captured, to be examined at my leisure, rather than sneaking away.

The autumn colors? I could write about them. I nearly run off the road every year, about this time. October 2009 is no exception.

The way I have discovered that I have to shield the eyes of my tiny parrotlet, when I walk with him, to keep him from getting too nervous and flighty? Oh, how the Lord would gather you under His wing, dear one! He would shield your furtive eyes from the unsafe terrain of human wisdom, but "you would not". We insist on our own understanding, we insist on walking in the light of our own eyes. Consequently, we become flighty and impulsive. We fly away when it would be safer to sit still until the feeling of confusion or unrest or boredom or anxiety passes. We move too fast, with too little wisdom. "Like a bird who wanders from his nest, is a man who wanders away from his place." (Proverbs 27:8)

We think we know where we belong, we think we know where to "go", when it is safest and sanest to sit still, and not try to see All Things.

What about this comment, left by someone I do not know, about grace? "Grace is a funny thing to talk about because it’s often thrown into conversations or sermons and I have no idea what it means. It seems very “airy” with no real content." I wish this man John could come to my church! His thoughts mirror what the majority of Christians perceive about grace, were they only honest enough to admit it.

Grace is a loaded concept. It is more than a concept. It is a Person, it is a Plan, it is beautiful and scandalous, it is a way of living, it is a way of seeing, it is utterly foundational. It RE-news your mind, over and over and over again, as you grow in it. Grace is the gospel, and the gospel is the grace of God. John's words, typed into the seeming-nothingness of his computer monitor, echo the condition of the whole church, and I find my heart tenderly breaking.

I know my life's mission. No heartbreak, no mission. Find where your heart breaks, and you'll know.

What about the joys of lobster bisque soup? Had some today. It could be an entire blog post. I could make it work.

Or the fact that, at the gentle, persistent urging of Ann Voskamp's blog "A Holy Experience", I have joined the many, many who are keeping a gratitude journal, and journaling our way to 1,000 gifts of God to be thankful for? You should see my list, begun only recently:

1. Coffee, with white chocolate macadamia cream and a touch of sugar
2. A quiet Saturday afternoon, watching football with my Tim.
3. A busy Sunday with saints who happen to be my best friends - all of them!
4. The warmth of a pocket parrot on the back of my neck.
5. The effect of Comet on stainless steel sinks.
6. The canary's song.
7. The flickering of a candle beside my bed.
8. Neckrubs from my youngest son.

That's just a few - there's more, and I only started this past week.

Or, I could blog on and on today, regarding the one phrase in Scripture: "This man Jesus...went about doing good..." It has inspired me, day after day, for about a week to ten days, now. I have fresh context for doing good - a context I didn't have before. I see in my spirit a brand new zeal to simply find someone, and do good. Good, for its own sake, is so....so good....so God-like.

Maybe I could share about my own personal version of Lauds and Vespers? Lovely thoughts, those.

Blast it, I can't choose.
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