Wear Your Praise Wednesday {...tender thoughts on beauty...and a peek into a fall launch design...}

To read my other "Wear Your Praise Wednesdays", click here here, and here

This post is for anyone who wonders why "wearing your praise" matters.  This post is for those who, like me, have searched for the line between healthy self care and vanity.

I find it increasingly hard to label myself, theologically.  (I promise, this has everything to do with fashion and beauty - at least in my life, theology informs just about everything.)  I'm not Presbyterian.  I'm not Charismatic, in the strictest sense.  I'm not Baptist.

I'm not a fundamentalist.  Though we did homeschool, I refused to wear long skirts and tennis shoes together.  I wore a little extra makeup and cute shorts (on purpose) to all the home schooling summer curriculum fairs, and thus scandalized 80% of the crowd.  Good times.

I'm not a hedonist.  I'm not a stoic, unless it comes to my negative emotions.  I have come to believe that the stark opposite to "wearing your feelings on your sleeve" is good, old fashioned Biblical meekness.  Meekness is any strong emotion - under control.  My feelings are invited to the party - but they are not allowed to plan it.

I wasn't always meek, and I'm still not, on days.  But now I really am chasing rabbits.

Suffice it to say that at one time, when I was a girl, I wanted nothing more than to feel pretty...to be pretty...and some told me that that was a sin.

Is it any wonder that I am working my way, 12 hour days at a time, into making a living from beauty?  I was meant to be an artist.  I have craved beauty and order since I was a child.

When I was a 20-year-old one-income, poverty-level newlywed with honeymoon twins, I remember spending the meager amount set aside for our tithe, to buy just one new outfit from JCPenny.  There I was, all grown up and married with children, and my hunger to feel pretty was still clashing with my theology.

My theology won, and I have no regrets - giving, even from your own lack today, is a key to prosperity in the future.

Throughout my kids' growing up years,  I resorted to mostly (amazing, miraculous) hand-me-downs from clothing shop owners and friends, supplemented with thrift store scores.  And I did all sorts of silly (and wise) things to stay as fit and healthy as I knew how.  I just wanted to like the woman I saw in the mirror...and looking back, I know that I was far too hard on myself.

Fast forward to the years when my children (now grown) were teenagers and young, single twenty-somethings.

Is it just me, or does anyone else understand the stage your nearly-grown kids go through, when they begin to question everything they were taught, the way they were taught it, and all your mis-deeds are remembered, either in vivid detail, or sometimes even embellished beyond recognition?

We were there.

And someone did something for me, that even she didn't know the profound affect it would have, especially in my relationship with my daughters.

At a church event one day, this young woman was chatting with my daughters as I was off somewhere else across the room.  She looked at me, and said to my girls, "Your momma has the cutest backside of anyone I ever saw in my life.  She is so beautiful for her age.  I want so badly to be like her as I grow older."

It sounds so silly and so vain, and I didn't find out about the remark until much later.

But do you know what that did?  It gave me fresh - and at the time, much needed - credibility with my daughters, at a very crucial stage in their development.  I realize that seems like a stretch.  And there were a lot of other factors involved.  However, trust me when I tell you that that really was a turning point for them...for me...for us.

And here is where I bring this home - sorry it has taken me so long, but the "back story" matters, in this case.  (No pun intended.)

Throughout history, a beautiful woman has been a sort of gate-keeper.  It perhaps shouldn't be so, but it is.  Beauty opens doors, it brings credibility even when credibility is unearned and undeserved.  Young women especially will listen to another woman who embodies the kind of pretty they seek to be.  They will take her word as near-gospel.  Many of us middle-agers still (almost) believe that beauty equals wisdom, hence our great love for "beauty secrets". Pretty certainly equals power, whether we like that or we don't.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a teenaged girl and casually mention to her how gorgeous you think her momma is....when her momma is nowhere around to hear it.  Be specific about it.  Apparently, my backside is special.  Not sure how I feel about that, but there it is.

Affirm the other woman's beauty - to her daughter.

You may never know it, but you just might change a life doing something as silly as that.

And that, gentle reader, is why I still care about how I look.  Because pretty equals power, I want all I can reasonably get short of idolatry or plastic surgery.  (...aren't those two things the same?  I digress...)

Why do I still pursue age-appropriate pretty?

So I can influence the next generation.  There are too many other women, far more beautiful than me, who are using their influence to degrade the very fabric of society.  Us Jesus loving girls have to take what beauty God has given us (and we all have some) and cherish it, respect it, and use it for His glory...not as "the end", but as a means to an end - a mere tool that we can use to take back a whole generation.

You and me?  We aren't just another pretty face.  There's theology - sound theology - lurking behind our mascara'd eyes.

And all these seemingly random pictures of my stumpy (so not pretty) hands are just peeks into a new-ish design.  I will be expanding my leather stack ring set to include gold-tone (yeay!) - since gold tone is all the rage for the foreseeable future.  (So glad I didn't change my wedding rings to white gold or platinum...everything old is new again, except for my laugh lines.)

I've made a new friend in recent months...and boy-howdy is she ever a gate keeper.  (read:  that means she's gorgeous).  She's also a grandmother...because really, why would you get your advice from anyone under 40?  And if she's over 40 and loves Jesus, and is pretty, and a grandmother?

Run, don't walk, run to her and sit at her feet and ask her stuff.

Her name is Honey Holden - fellow preacher's wife and taker-back of a generation and practitioner of pretty.  I think you'll love her.

Wear Your Praise Wednesday {...the lace slip extender, 3 ways...}

Welcome to the third installment in my new series, "Wear Your Praise Wednesday".  

{For an explanation of how it was that wearing cute clothes became a tool for me, in healing from clinical depression...to learn why I "Wear My Praise", you  can click here for the very first "Wear Your Praise Wednesday" - or here for the second installment.}

This blog post will seem counter intuitive to those girls who have, all their lives, felt a sense of shame if their slip happened to show.  But I am here with a liberating word:

Those days are gone!

It is now hereby cool and awesome to let your slip show.  If it is a pretty slip.  To be very, very precise - it is now hereby cool and awesome to let your slip show if it is trimmed in the most beautiful lace or tulle imaginable.

Why is this?  I've been telling you and telling you:  layers are our friends.  That pretty peek of lace just adds another layer to your look.

And, in my opinion, that petticoat also serves a practical purpose...it serves to lengthen an otherwise too-short hem.

Is it me, or have you also noticed that some girls (and women) just did not get the memo that if you wonder if a garment is a short dress or a long top...

it's a shirt.  Girlfriend - trust me on this.  If you have to wonder....it's a shirt.

Suffice it to say, as edgy as I am in most of my life choices, I simply can't wear a dress I can't worship in safely.

Please tell me you can relate.  I can't be the only Charisbyterian in the crowd, whose wardrobe choices revolve around whether she can lift a grand baby onto her hip while keeping one arm high in the air, or jump up and down, or do a hitch-kick, or drop to her knees in worship.

Or maybe that's just me.  And just kidding about the hitch-kick.  But the rest is the gospel truth.

For those reasons plus a few more, if a dress is more than an inch or so above my kneecap, I tend to feel twitchy.

It might be hemline semantics, but when I put a petticoat under it, that extra inch or so of layer puts my mind at a little more ease.  Visually, I feel I look more like I am comfortable with my age, and less like I'm trying too hard.  Mini skirts and short dresses belong to the under-30 crowd, not the pushing 50 crowd.

I was asked to share sources.

The shoes were $8.59 clearance at The Shoe Show {don't hate}

dress:  Marshalls, this year

necklace:  my design 

the slip:  a Target slip that I sewed lace onto

This little linen dress is one of my favorites, simply because on a hot summer day, it literally floats on me - it breathes and is so airy and comfortable.

This is another dress I absolutely adore, but can't wear without a little hemline semantics.  I have to have my petticoat/slip extender on, both for the look of the layer (in my mind, no outfit is complete without at least two layers) and for the false comfort it gives me in bringing the length of this dress down, visually, to just above the kneecap.

sources:

shoes:  Shoe Show, clearance

dress:  Jeanne Oliver

bifocal readers:  readers.com

slip:  plain Target slip, embellished with lace by yours truly

For our last look, the "petticoat" goes up-top and casual....

On any given day, I am never without my bifocal readers, so here is how I actually wear this top:

sources:

shoes:  Shoe Show, clearance

jeans:  "modern straight cropped stretch jean" by Denizen at Target

top:  Target

military-style cropped jacket:  "Lucky Brand Clothing" - Marshalls

Now.  Lest you think that "slip extender" is some silly term made up by yours truly, allow me to share with you a young woman who created a major online business around this very concept...

Meet "Grace and Lace".  I discovered them years ago, and instantly fell in love, back when all they had to offer was a few socks and slips.  Since then, they have appeared on the hit show "Shark Tank", and have grown their business beyond their dreams, I am sure.

It is a new day for the petticoat, and I am glad.  Looking back, I remember one of my dearest friends, who happens to be an elderly lady, came up to me in church with what I could see was an urgent message.  She pulled me aside, and whispered, "It.  is.  snowing.  down.  south."

Which was code for, "Your slip is showing.  Get your act together."

I smiled and explained to her that it was supposed to show.

She shook her head in disbelief as she walked away.  I was 40-something years old, but on that day I felt like an edgy young whippersnapper.

Wear Your Praise Wednesday {...Wear Your Words - The Printed T-Shirt, 3 Ways...}

Words are my defining passion, my art form...and lately, I find myself wearing them.

As in, it would take you 19 minutes just to read me.

So I wanted to share with you 3 ways you can rock the printed T.

Yes, even in middle age.  I am a grandma.  Fifty is a year and a few away.  And I wear words with impunity.

The first way I want to show you the printed T, is with "joggers".  I thought these were just sweat pants with a band around the ankles, but when I was recently in (of all things) my Lowe's store, I walked past a cute college-age girl with her grandma.

I was wearing these sweat pants joggers, and she, a complete stranger, said to me, "I like your joggers."  Then, as I thanked her and kept walking, I heard her remark, "Grandma, see, those pants are called joggers.  I really like them.  I want a pair."

I think she was hitting grandma up for a trip to Target.

I wear my joggers with the legs pulled up, and my smart phone in the pocket...a fact which annoys me from time to time (slippage and bulk, respectively) but there you have it.

I love this little T - it says, "One Life...and then all of eternity".

It is a cheerful message if you are a Jesus Freak...kind of a buzz kill if you aren't.  But I'm fine with that.

My all-time favorite printed T.  Here, I layer it with a camisole, and pair it with boyfriend jeans and a heeled peep toe (I swear, my fingers just typed "poop toe"...where does that come from?).

This T says, "Mimi's Kitchen - Open Late".  I love it because of the font, the color, and the fact that I am a closet foodie who does not believe in dietary restrictions of any kind.  I even created my own hashtag this year { #mimiskitchen } and I invite you to check it out.

I am an avid cook on some days.  I'm all about whole foods and healthy and cake and bread and stuff and wonderful things.

Here is the same T, dressed for when you go to see that Minion movie this month.  Am I the only one who freezes in movie theaters?  If I were going to the movies, I'd likely trade out that poop peep toe for some Chucks.

That long sweater was another Marshall's score last winter.  I saved it for summer, because, believe it or not, it is the perfect summer layer.  It is whisper-thin, and lengthens and leans out your look like nobody's business.  I wish I had bought one in every color they had.

Next, here is the printed T all dressed up with nowhere to go.

This is a brave look, and not for everyone.  But I've rocked it before...

...and if you don't have a black and white striped skirt yet...well...you don't Pinterest, do you?

{roll up the sleeve on your little T, when you are dressing her up...and put on a statement necklace.}

This one confuses the hound out of everyone I meet.  (That's southern-talk for people don't know what my T-shirt is saying.)

It simply says, "OHDARLINGLETSBEADVENTURERS".

Oh.  Darling.  Let's.  Be.  Adventurers.

Come on, now.  It ain't that hard.  I love this shirt.  I'm determined to wear it every time The Preacher and I go bike riding this summer.

Now - here is the same look, with a denim jacket, for when you are in a freezing cold restaurant:

And by the way.  Denim with black and white stripes?  Getouttahere.  It's perfection.

...that's just me, fooling with the shutter-clicky-thingy.

The things I do for you.

Go forth and wear words.  I don't care how old you are.

The Kimono: Wear Your Praise Wednesday {...instead of "Fashion Friday"...}

Many, many bloggers are doing the "fashion Friday" thing.  And I love the ones that do.  In fact, there are a couple of bloggers I follow simply because their fashion Friday posts are so much fun.  I thought I'd try my own twist...

..."To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion—to give them an ornament (a crown) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit..."  Isaiah 61:3

So, this is way outside my comfort zone.

Can't you just tell?  (I look so excited about this post, in that shot above...but stay with me.  I try harder to be happy, here in a minute...)

Even though I'm asked all the time to share my quasi-secrets about fashion, even though I get the occasional compliment for looking "so good" "for my age"...even though some people think I have become pretty good at dressing for my age and my body type, even though my husband looks my way often, and passionately declares, "My grandma never looked like that."

Never (nevah-evah) have I posted "fashion" pictures of myself.  Selfies on Instagram are one thing...full blown fashion posts on my blog are another.  I have shared Pinterest pictures here on my blog, many times, featuring outfits I adored and fashion trends I was interested in.

But something kept nagging at me, and it was this:  I love pretty clothes.  I love seeing a woman who is well put together.  And "wearing my praise" actually played a large part in my process of healing from clinical depression, which you can read more about that struggle here and here.

That "heavy, burdened and failing spirit" spoken of in Isaiah 61?  I know how it feels.  And I know you have to fight that thing every which way but loose.  Getting dressed in something expressive of praise was just one weapon in my arsenal - but every weapon counts when your life is on the line.

Somehow, back then, getting up every morning and choosing (emphasis on the choice) something cute to wear - something other than baggy sweats - became a means of self-care.  And self-care was severely lacking in my life, in that season.  Self-care still isn't my super power, but an awareness of my weaknesses is half the victory over them.

I by far don't have the perfect figure.  I by far do not consider myself photogenic or model material.  That is exactly, precisely why I have decided to be brave.  Several years back, I learned that I have to be brave, and be brave publicly as well as privately, so that perhaps others can find courage and permission to be the same.   So I even shot myself sleeveless.  

In years past, I would have wanted to just shoot myself, sleeveless.  Like, the bad kind of "shoot myself".  Today, here is what I really know:  women who practice self-compassion really are the best at having real compassion for others.  

When I see a woman who is hard on herself, I am actually a little afraid of her.  Because I know she would eventually turn some of that onto me.  I am not fooled by judgement, masquerading as self deprecation.  If she isn't happy with who she is, if she isn't using her very own unique gifts to be a blessing...she will at some point begrudge me for being happy with myself, and she will be jealous of me for using my gifts.  That's the  nature of unhappiness.

If she judges herself harshly, for how she talks or how she looks in a pair of shorts or a sleeveless top...she will judge me, too, eventually. 

You think about that.  

Women are the hardest on other women.  And why?  Because we are so dang hard on ourselves.

I'm breaking out.  I'm breaking free of all of it.  While you will never find me posting truly awful pictures of myself (well....actually, I sometimes do - because I find some of them hilarious) you also will hopefully never find me hating on myself.  I have made a covenant with my eyes, to look upon myself with a little bit of the same compassion and love I feel for those pictures of my granddaughters.

Who ever looked at a picture of their little girl, or their little grand-girl, and hated on it, or thought, "That's a terrible angle.  Look at that hair.  What an awful outfit."

Nobody in the whole history of ever, I hope.

I realize some of this flies in the face of religion.  While it is so very true that "humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself, less" - I also believe true humility is impossible without a firm understanding of the covenant love of God.  When you practice true self-compassion (seeing yourself through the eyes of grace) it becomes easy to think of yourself less and less.  Met needs don't strive for attention.

So let's talk about the kimono.

Did you know you can wear it with just about anything?  You can wear it with shorts like artist Alisa Burke did here.

My favorite is to wear the kimono jacket with boyfriend jeans and a long, layered tank, with a long, lean necklace.  (See my necklace designs here)

Some of this goes against some of the prevailing "age appropriate dress" wisdom.  I have mixed feelings about those rules.  Some of them apply, some of them don't.  I am not one to wear purple nail polish or have little pictures painted on my nails or to wear patterned pants.  But I also wear with impunity some things that maybe the fashion Powers That Be might say an almost-50-year-old woman should not wear.

I'm good with that.  I think I have learned to split the difference in a way that works for me.

...the foundation of The Kimono Look.  Every kimono is worn over something, right? (Please tell me you wear yours over something...) But it has to be the right something.  In my opinion, a kimono over a short, casual dress works, but a kimono over a long dress or skirt doesn't.  The best thing to layer underneath, I think, are denim shorts and a T-shirt, or slouchy "boyfriend" jeans and a tank or T.  Caveat:  really, really ripped "boyfriend" jeans belong on no body but a 19 year old body, kapeesh?

So start with an outfit with "good bones" - your jeans or shorts, plus tank or T....

...then, just toss that kimono on!  Layers are our friends.

So, here is another kimono jacket, and another look:

To be quite honest, I didn't like the kimono I was wearing with the shorts...but it was the only one I had!  I took these shots earlier yesterday - and then today, after having a totally fun, absolutely delightful lunch with my sister (I digress...) I popped into Marshall's and found this little number - in 20 minutes flat -  on clearance for $11!

So when I got home, I tossed it on over the tank and boyfriend jeans I was already wearing, and broke out the remote shutter clicker thingy.

The things I do for you.

Made of a sheer polyester chiffon, this piece is actually sturdy, even though it is whispy and light.  I would think nothing of tossing it in the washing machine, hanging it to dry, and tossing it right back on my body.  Every. single. day.

I love it that much.

That's really it!  The kimono is the perfect, light, breezy, weightless layer to wear all summer long, especially if you are the kind who isn't happy with the way your arms look.

And if you are that kind, please don't say so around me...I'll get scared of you.