My Guy...

My guy's been in Florida all week long. He is driving home to me, even as I type. I've missed him so! Love this picture of him, taken just as he was about to officiate a wedding. He's the best - he's my best friend and I've never changed my tune on that song - we've always been best friends, and I have never pretended otherwise.

And you know what they say about "the best of friends"...

...it's true.

Enlightening...

Below my own thoughts here, is a piece written by Christine Wyrtzen, of Daughters of Promise.

Believe it or not, there are those who actually feel a sense of pleasure at the idea of punishing someone with whom they are offended. Oh, they would never call it "punishment" - they would call it "standing for what they believe is right."

I have wondered at this, sometimes. I have asked myself, "How can this be?"

Well, Mrs. Wyrtzen has nailed it for me, I think. It's a feeling of high. The temporary rush, the feeling of power that the punisher's sophisticated version of vindication brings them causes them to believe they are in perfect control as they rachet up what they imagine to be the appropriate punishment. (Er - I mean "just consequences".) I have actually observed a weird sense of satisfaction on the face of this kind of person, as offspring, sibling, friend or parent emotionally reaches their limit, under the pressure of a cold, calm and precise punishment, and reacts to it.

This temporary and strange pleasure, each and every time they experience the sense, numbs their conscience yet further. The self deception gets stronger and stronger. The punishments they dole out become increasingly dramatic until they either get their way, or completely separate themselves from others, send them away, drive them away, or otherwise destroy the relationship permanently - and feel justified in doing so. They will wait months and even years, and suddenly find an opportunity to feel the pleasure of punishment - and they will act on it.

All the while, they create a sense of guilt in the person they are punishing...it somehow has to be the punish-ee's fault, always. The punish-ers will expect everyone else to act like nothing has changed. They will say that they mean no harm. Well, just because they say it, doesn't make it so. To them, their choice to continue to punish seems educated, controlled, superior, and right. In reality, it is as craving and base a choice as any drug-junkie makes, only they are control-junkies. They cannot see that their heart is as fat as grease - engorged in the satisfaction of provoking all the stupid people in their lives.

Please, Lord, let me never get a fraction of a moment of pleasure from hurting someone else, whether I imagine they deserve consequences or not. Make me miserable, in Your great mercy, so that my heart does not fatten in satisfaction.

Hearts like that eventually stop beating altogether. That thought fills me with compassion for those addicted to punishing others. There is no way they are innately happy people - they only know their small version of happiness, and they truly believe what they know is all there is to know.

Kudos to Christine Wyrtzen, Daughters of Promise (http://www.daughtersofpromise.org/), for this well-put, succinct teaching. It gives a much needed perspective!

CAUSE AND EFFECT

The insolent smear me with lies; their heart is unfeeling like fat.

Psalm 119: 69a, 70a

The effect is given before the cause. Behavior ~ concocting a series of lies about another person for personal payoff. Cause ~ their heart has been fattened by pleasure and has, over time, ceased to feel remorse over their sin.

A rebellious child acts out and others give him what he wants. He sets this pattern for himself for a lifetime. He wears personal power recklessly. He survives by acting in whatever ways will meet his needs. The pleasure he feels becomes his drug of choice; so much so that he ceases to regret the acts he committed in order to ultimately feel good. There is no remorse.

We may have asked the question, "How could this person do this to me and not even feel badly that they hurt me?" This scripture is enlightening and answers the question. The pleasure they got by sinning against you numbed their conscience.

Probably every one of us have been hurt deeply by someone who never offered an apology. They saw our tears, heard our pain expressed, but shrugged their shoulders. We just couldn't understand such coldness of heart. God is our instructor today. An unfeeling heart develops over time, never overnight. It belongs to the person who has been fattened by the pleasures of his choices, even choices that caused pain to someone he claims to love.

Only God can transform the heart of a sinner. Only God can comfort the victims.
Jesus, you knew the hearts of men. You were not deceived. Teach me to look beyond their behavior to the spiritual cause. I need to pray for others' spiritual disease instead of just asking you to stop their behavior. Spirit, show me how to pray. Amen

May This Table Be Blessed...

I'm bustin' to show ya'll my early Christmas present, all "dressed" in ivory and red ~

I have wanted a round, oak table for years. But it had to be the perfect one...and so I waited...

Very Arts and Crafts-ey, geometric lines, substantial, well made...

Gorgeous, chunky (for lack of a better word) with NO "claw feet", NO scroll work, clean and simple...and the perfect size.

The family table has always had huge symbolism for me. Our table has always been a happy and hallowed thing. My table has seen lack - dinners of beans and cornbread - and it has seen plenty - surf and turf with all the best to go with it. But my favorite meals are the countless in-between repasts...all the ones where, to be honest, I don't remember what I made, but I remember the friends, the family, and the joy.

A new table is a big deal for me. It had to be small enough to be inviting for only two - please Lord, never let it be that Tim and I are relegated to sitting, only the two of us, at some elongated affair, I don't care how beautiful a specimen it is. One day it will be "just us", and it has to feel right when it is. It had to be big enough to seat eight at a squeeze (more with a center leaf added)...or just two, without feeling like, "Gee, aren't we missing about ten more people?" . It had to be old, because antique furniture with clean lines makes me happy. And it had to be round, because round tables are best for conversation.

We are all about the conversation.

None of this "the most important people at the head and foot of the table, all others seated in the order of their significance" for guests in the Atchley household. Nah. A round table is an equalizer, and you don't have to turn your head very far to look every person sitting there in the eye and really hear what they are saying.

The moment I laid eyes on this table, I knew it was the one.

Oddly, it is a whole new concept, decorating a round table. I'll be spending some happy moments getting the hang of it, this Christmastime. Please join me in a table blessing - this piece is symbolic of the new season of life Tim and I find ourselves in - a place where the number seated at this table can and will expand or subtract with startling abruptness, and on any given day.

May it see many years of pure joy, whether serving many or few.

Encouragement for a Woman's Heart...

"...in a time lacking in truth and certainty and filled with anguish and despair, no woman should be shamefaced in attempting to give back to the world, through her work, a portion of its lost heart."
~Louise Bogan

Dear Woman Friend,

Every little thing you do to bring beauty and order matters. As the cosmos and everything in it slides towards disorder, you fulfill your portion of the divine dominion mandate, your portion of the Great Commission, each time you straighten your desk, write a thoughtful blog post, wrap a gift, enter data, field office phone calls, close a sales deal, grade a paper, gently administer an IV to a patient, or lovingly put a bow in a little girl's hair. You bring your part of the world one step closer to order and beauty, and thus "give back to the world...a portion of its lost heart."

Do what you do with grace. Do it with style. Do it with dignity. Do it...knowing your God is pleased with what you are doing.

Work as unto the Lord. There are no menial tasks in His estimation.

Can One Weekend Hold More Joy?

It began this way...

Snowing...

A few of us Harvest women drove through the winter wonderland to decorate the church, and then create handmade wreaths at the Bower Farm.


Are we the cutest bunch you ever saw, or what?
(L-R Wendy, Hannah, Maria, Sarah, Me, Cheryl, Kelly, Angel, Vickie, and Jenny)

We punked the pastor so good...this is what we did to his preachin' table (he doesn't preach from a typical pulpit...)

Then, more fun at the Bower Farm

Greens clipping...

Wreath making...

Christmas music softly playing...

the smell of apple cider filling the air...

The view from just one of the windows (all the views are this sweet - and I overheard more than one or two request to come live at "The Farm"! There is such a peace there.)

some of the simple, homey decorations...

A sweet, sweet scene, no?

Then, my son Isaac had a basketball game - that's him, with the black "shooting sleeve". Skinny. Handsome. Athletically gifted.

Number five-four

Tonight, at my house, the second installment of Focus on the Family's Truth Project. Our college aged small group is going through this excellent curriculum.

Searching for The Truth?

Or enjoying the holiday food?

Our facilitator Jonathan, explaining to us using his Mac (showoff!) how to log onto the Truth Project's website, and sign on to our group.

Furious note taking. This is no frilly study. It is challenging.

In the Word

Bibles everywhere...

I cannot imagine a fuller weekend (or preceding week, for that matter - spent PREPARING for all this!) I imagine I didn't stop to sit down until just now. But along the way, I soaked in each and every amazing moment in all the non stop action. The snow...making my wreath...cutting my hands on wire in the process...punking the pastor (he took it so well!)....time with girlfriends...watching Isaac score a couple of three pointers....church this morning...small group tonight...all the achingly sincere questions that were posed after the study...the glow that is still in this house.

Have a blessed Advent season, my friends.

Whew...

There's something so sexy about a man pushing a carpet cleaner for his wife...

Having Myself a Merry Little Christmas...

Today was "decorate the mantle" day. Despite a very long list of things I had to get done, I squeezed this in, purely for my own enjoyment. The result is even lovelier in person, I must say.

I clipped a pile of greens from outside my house...

put on a little James Taylor Christmas music...

Added some oranges that I cloved last night, and 3 pots of paper whites, just blooming...

It took about ten minutes.

Don't worry, the candles are flameless!