Christmas With Our College-Career Small Group

Tim and I shared a special moment this evening. Our daughter and future son-in-love hosted the college-career small group that typically meets at our house. Sarah still lives with us at home, since her wedding isn't until March. But her fiancee Jonathan rents a little house in town, and Sarah went over there today to help him get ready for small group. It is the first time I've seen the house since they've moved their new furniture in, and got it all painted and decorated...

...it was like walking into an art gallery. Jonathan's beautiful paintings were everywhere. I have to say - the wall colors were the perfect "foil" for his art. (Good job, Sarah!)

But it was so much more than that. Tonight, Tim and I saw the results of some of our labor, as this group of young people, almost twenty of them, worshipped and shared their hearts. We're going through the Truth Project curriculum, but for tonight, we set it aside in favor of celebrating Christmas together. It was Jonathan and Sarah's very first time hosting any kind of small group, yet it was as though they'd been practicing hospitality together forever. The fireplace...the candles...the food (simple but good)...the way they directed the flow of the evening's activities without being intrusive...

I have to say, it is beyond a pleasure to oversee this small group. The couple who previously were in charge of our college-career group resigned without securing a replacement for themselves this past year, just sort of handing it all back to us. Tim and I gladly took it back over. It was bumpy there for awhile, as we prayed our way through, and added new faces to the mix. This group is absolutely flourishing now - it was languishing before we took it back. I almost feel guilty, as though I am scooping up this massive blessing - sort of like when someone else runs into difficulty and has to sell their home for a loss...if I were the buyer, I might struggle with guilt over capitalizing on such a miraculous deal.

This is how I feel! The previous leaders' loss is Tim's gain and my gain. We love this small group, and they love us. They are totally refreshing, totally real, and completely cool and utterly loveable.

Our future son-in-love Jonathan is facilitating the Truth Project, and is doing an amazing job. After tonight, I can already see that the gift of hospitality has indeed been passed on to the next generation.

Good times...good times.

Come On In!

(the wreath I made...I'm so proud!)

Some of you have emailed me and "Facebooked" me, wanting to see a few more pictures of our home. (Thank you for all the sweet notes, by the way!)

So come on in, I have the best hot drink ready for you - here's the recipe:

a 46 oz. bottle of pineapple juice
a can of jelled cranberry sauce
cloves
cinnamon sticks

Put the jelled cranberries in a blender and hit them a few times, just to "liquify" them. This will make it easier on you. Then pour it into a 2 quart saucepan on the stove, with the whole bottle of pineapple juice in it. Stir it all in, and steep it with the cloves and cinnamon. Strain before serving. So good!


Come for a tour around our tiny "Ceiligh Cottage"

The fireplace in my bedroom - and where Bocelli and Grant live.

This kitchen sees a lot of action - a busy, busy place.
The diningroom...



A wreath on each bedroom door...

My bedroom - red berry swags and kissing ball are up. We're all ready for Christmas!

Well, we are "T minus 7 days and counting". Rain is turning to snow where I am - hope your evening is well spent, my friends. Enjoy this time of the year...

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

Batten down the hatches, east Tennessee, we are fixin' to get us some weather! How do I know? Without the forecast, I can tell.



Did you know that juncos feed voraciously when there is snow coming? They do. Juncos are little dark, charcoal grey birds, with light bellies and light beaks. My back yard is full of them this afternoon. I tried to take pictures, but you can't see these dark birds amongst all the fallen leaves - but I did happen to snatch a picture of a little guy who flew to my fence ~

Can you see him, there in the upper right hand corner? He is one of about a dozen that have been feeding in my yard today - juncos are ground feeders, and these guys are preparing for something...they are scarfing up every last bit of seed that falls from the feeders above.
I say "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow." I'm ready. The pantry is stocked, my shopping is done, I even have only one gift left to wrap....no, two. But that's it. Cookies are made, and I have all I need to make more. Twinkle lights are on, music is playing, that steady sound of rain on the roof, and here I am, warm and dry with sounds of spring, as the canary and pocket parrot compete as to who can sing the loudest. Along with all of Knoxville, I raided the grocery store for milk and bread...and I have a small stack of Christmas movies to watch. And a stash of great magazines to peruse. And a husband to snuggle, once he finally makes it home. I also have a message to prepare for Sunday, but that is supposed to be a surprise.
::she says, smiling::
The juncos are telling me that all this rain is about to change to snow. Let's see if they are right.

Christmas Dreams

I found this piece of paper the other day, and it brought back my own memories - of practicing writing what would soon be my "new name" over and over and over. My Sarah Atchley will soon be Sarah Howe.

Last Christmas, it was Hannah who was engaged to be married. One year later, it is Sarah who will be leaving us very soon - engaged to be married in March. We have no more daughters to give away after this.

It lends a sweet urgency to Christmastime for me. Again (like last year) I've decorated a little earlier than usual. Again, in sudden unexpected moments, the poignancy overwhelms my heart. Next Christmas, there will be no daughters asleep in their beds in this house on Christmas morning.

But it is good....so good. Because these two new sons of mine are so good, so Godly, so fit to love and lead my daughters.

I've dreamed of all this, in Christmases past. I would hear some of the sweet, romantic holiday songs, like "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve", and "Baby, It's Cold Outside", and I would hold my Tim's hand, we'd sing together, kiss each other, and I knew with all my heart that I wanted this for my daughters. I wanted them to be loved and wanted by a man who was handsome and accomplished and strong in the Lord. I wanted them to share kisses by twinklelight with the one Someone Special...back then, years and years ago, it all seemed so remote and far away. I wondered who my "other sons" would be.

Tonight, I know. I know. Amazing!! What was once a misty, dream-like mystery to me twenty years ago...ten years ago...two years ago...has now materialized. My dreams for my daughters have come true. There is someone wonderful and Godly to sing a line or two of "Baby It's Cold Outside" to my gorgeous girls, and each couple is now making the sorts of Christmas memories that only lovers, and future lovers, can make.

This is my Christmas gift ~ two new sons, strong and good, who love my daughters selflessly. The way my daughters' mother has been loved.

Spurgeon Preached It Too...

“God looked on Christ as if Christ had been sin; not as if He had taken up the sins of His people, or as if they were laid on Him, though that were true, but as if He Himself had positively been that noxious—that God-hating—that soul-damning thing, called sin. When the Judge of all the earth said, ‘Where is Sin?’ Christ presented himself…what a grim picture that is, to conceive of sin gathered up into one mass - murder, lust and stealing, and adultery - and the Father looked on Christ as if He were that mass of sin. He was not sin, but the Father looked on upon Him as made sin for us. Christ stands in our place, assumes our guilt, takes on our iniquity and God treats Him as if He had been sin…How can any punishment fall on that man who ceases to possess sin, because his sin was cast upon Christ and Christ has suffered in his place? Oh, glorious triumph of faith to be able to say, whenever I feel the guilt of sin, whenever conscience pricks me, ‘Yes, it is true but my Lord is answerable for it all, for He has taken it all upon Himself and suffered in my place.”
Charles Spurgeon, The King’s Highway

5 Ways to Enjoy the Simplicity of the Season

Typically the holidays bug me. The crude commercialization. The old Christmas carols, ruined by pretty-boy bands. The extra work combined with the shortened energy levels that come with less daylight. I have, every year, always found ways to love Christmas, so I'm not a "bah-humbug" in any strict sense of the word.

But this year, so far, I've not encountered the slightest negativity inside. After a great deal of amazed pondering, I offer you a few thoughts - humble, not at all earth-shaking, and maybe not even blog-worthy, but nevertheless...

1. Celebrate your way. In recent years, I had begun allowing "others" to dictate the season to me (and much of my time all year 'round, in fact), in the sense that if they invited me over, I felt obligated to accept for various reasons - to help them through a time of transition, to cheer them up, to just have fun, to assist in this or that, to prevent them from having to be alone. This translated into me always "going", and cutting back on what I love - which is having people in my home, spending time with my family. Over months and even years, I didn't realize how this was suffocating me. Out of love, out of an honorable motive, I was allowing myself to be squeezed and molded into someone else's idea of what makes for fellowship. This Christmas, I have spent it exactly how I want to spend it...in my own home, for heaven's sake! Filling my home with people and things and activities I love. No apologies. I've had a stern talk with myself. I said, "Self, never again will you take what makes your own heart sing, and put it on a shelf in a misguided effort to help someone else's heart sing. They must find their own song, and they must learn to sing it."

2. Get outside. "....and heaven and nature sing..." remember the old carol? Creation is God's means of soothing the human heart. Don't let the cold weather prevent you from getting outside, filling your bird feeders, taking a walk, surveying your winter landscape....just breathing in the chill air, appreciating the change in season. Embrace it.

3. Make something. Pick just one or three projects you've always wanted to try (but never had time, because you were too busy being somewhere else all the time) and block out an afternoon or two and just do it. Arts and crafts are vastly underrated for their therapeutic benefits. So far this season, I've made a real-green wreath, all sorts of evergreen arrangements, cookies and cakes, cloved some oranges, and I am going to cut out a bunch of paper snowflakes, and hang them from little bare branches, as a winter arrangement I'll keep in my house until March.

4. Read what inspires you. Self explanatory.

5. Selah. (in Hebrew, it means "pause and deeply consider"). Selah over what God is saying to your heart this season. Mull over the good news of grace. Ponder "peace on earth, and goodwill to men". Your God is in a good mood, friends, His anger was completely spent at the cross. Christ took the penalty and punishment for you, and for your children. This is crazy-good news. Reason to rejoice. Those swaddling clothes wrapped the baby Christ, He submitted to them, and then they were removed once and for all in the tomb, as the Risen Christ came out of it victorious...for you.

Trust me, this gets dangerous when you begin to take the truth of it and apply it personally. Everyone is comfortable with the doctrine of grace, so long as it stays on the pages of the Bible, where it can't mess with their actual beliefs, where it can't challenge their self sufficiency.

But Christ is all about incarnation. Those who preach the gospel must be incarnational about the truth of it. Let it invade.

These thoughts have totally transformed my experience of Advent this year. Oh, my soul waits for Him, and in His word I do hope!

My Guy...

My guy's been in Florida all week long. He is driving home to me, even as I type. I've missed him so! Love this picture of him, taken just as he was about to officiate a wedding. He's the best - he's my best friend and I've never changed my tune on that song - we've always been best friends, and I have never pretended otherwise.

And you know what they say about "the best of friends"...

...it's true.

Enlightening...

Below my own thoughts here, is a piece written by Christine Wyrtzen, of Daughters of Promise.

Believe it or not, there are those who actually feel a sense of pleasure at the idea of punishing someone with whom they are offended. Oh, they would never call it "punishment" - they would call it "standing for what they believe is right."

I have wondered at this, sometimes. I have asked myself, "How can this be?"

Well, Mrs. Wyrtzen has nailed it for me, I think. It's a feeling of high. The temporary rush, the feeling of power that the punisher's sophisticated version of vindication brings them causes them to believe they are in perfect control as they rachet up what they imagine to be the appropriate punishment. (Er - I mean "just consequences".) I have actually observed a weird sense of satisfaction on the face of this kind of person, as offspring, sibling, friend or parent emotionally reaches their limit, under the pressure of a cold, calm and precise punishment, and reacts to it.

This temporary and strange pleasure, each and every time they experience the sense, numbs their conscience yet further. The self deception gets stronger and stronger. The punishments they dole out become increasingly dramatic until they either get their way, or completely separate themselves from others, send them away, drive them away, or otherwise destroy the relationship permanently - and feel justified in doing so. They will wait months and even years, and suddenly find an opportunity to feel the pleasure of punishment - and they will act on it.

All the while, they create a sense of guilt in the person they are punishing...it somehow has to be the punish-ee's fault, always. The punish-ers will expect everyone else to act like nothing has changed. They will say that they mean no harm. Well, just because they say it, doesn't make it so. To them, their choice to continue to punish seems educated, controlled, superior, and right. In reality, it is as craving and base a choice as any drug-junkie makes, only they are control-junkies. They cannot see that their heart is as fat as grease - engorged in the satisfaction of provoking all the stupid people in their lives.

Please, Lord, let me never get a fraction of a moment of pleasure from hurting someone else, whether I imagine they deserve consequences or not. Make me miserable, in Your great mercy, so that my heart does not fatten in satisfaction.

Hearts like that eventually stop beating altogether. That thought fills me with compassion for those addicted to punishing others. There is no way they are innately happy people - they only know their small version of happiness, and they truly believe what they know is all there is to know.

Kudos to Christine Wyrtzen, Daughters of Promise (http://www.daughtersofpromise.org/), for this well-put, succinct teaching. It gives a much needed perspective!

CAUSE AND EFFECT

The insolent smear me with lies; their heart is unfeeling like fat.

Psalm 119: 69a, 70a

The effect is given before the cause. Behavior ~ concocting a series of lies about another person for personal payoff. Cause ~ their heart has been fattened by pleasure and has, over time, ceased to feel remorse over their sin.

A rebellious child acts out and others give him what he wants. He sets this pattern for himself for a lifetime. He wears personal power recklessly. He survives by acting in whatever ways will meet his needs. The pleasure he feels becomes his drug of choice; so much so that he ceases to regret the acts he committed in order to ultimately feel good. There is no remorse.

We may have asked the question, "How could this person do this to me and not even feel badly that they hurt me?" This scripture is enlightening and answers the question. The pleasure they got by sinning against you numbed their conscience.

Probably every one of us have been hurt deeply by someone who never offered an apology. They saw our tears, heard our pain expressed, but shrugged their shoulders. We just couldn't understand such coldness of heart. God is our instructor today. An unfeeling heart develops over time, never overnight. It belongs to the person who has been fattened by the pleasures of his choices, even choices that caused pain to someone he claims to love.

Only God can transform the heart of a sinner. Only God can comfort the victims.
Jesus, you knew the hearts of men. You were not deceived. Teach me to look beyond their behavior to the spiritual cause. I need to pray for others' spiritual disease instead of just asking you to stop their behavior. Spirit, show me how to pray. Amen

May This Table Be Blessed...

I'm bustin' to show ya'll my early Christmas present, all "dressed" in ivory and red ~

I have wanted a round, oak table for years. But it had to be the perfect one...and so I waited...

Very Arts and Crafts-ey, geometric lines, substantial, well made...

Gorgeous, chunky (for lack of a better word) with NO "claw feet", NO scroll work, clean and simple...and the perfect size.

The family table has always had huge symbolism for me. Our table has always been a happy and hallowed thing. My table has seen lack - dinners of beans and cornbread - and it has seen plenty - surf and turf with all the best to go with it. But my favorite meals are the countless in-between repasts...all the ones where, to be honest, I don't remember what I made, but I remember the friends, the family, and the joy.

A new table is a big deal for me. It had to be small enough to be inviting for only two - please Lord, never let it be that Tim and I are relegated to sitting, only the two of us, at some elongated affair, I don't care how beautiful a specimen it is. One day it will be "just us", and it has to feel right when it is. It had to be big enough to seat eight at a squeeze (more with a center leaf added)...or just two, without feeling like, "Gee, aren't we missing about ten more people?" . It had to be old, because antique furniture with clean lines makes me happy. And it had to be round, because round tables are best for conversation.

We are all about the conversation.

None of this "the most important people at the head and foot of the table, all others seated in the order of their significance" for guests in the Atchley household. Nah. A round table is an equalizer, and you don't have to turn your head very far to look every person sitting there in the eye and really hear what they are saying.

The moment I laid eyes on this table, I knew it was the one.

Oddly, it is a whole new concept, decorating a round table. I'll be spending some happy moments getting the hang of it, this Christmastime. Please join me in a table blessing - this piece is symbolic of the new season of life Tim and I find ourselves in - a place where the number seated at this table can and will expand or subtract with startling abruptness, and on any given day.

May it see many years of pure joy, whether serving many or few.

Encouragement for a Woman's Heart...

"...in a time lacking in truth and certainty and filled with anguish and despair, no woman should be shamefaced in attempting to give back to the world, through her work, a portion of its lost heart."
~Louise Bogan

Dear Woman Friend,

Every little thing you do to bring beauty and order matters. As the cosmos and everything in it slides towards disorder, you fulfill your portion of the divine dominion mandate, your portion of the Great Commission, each time you straighten your desk, write a thoughtful blog post, wrap a gift, enter data, field office phone calls, close a sales deal, grade a paper, gently administer an IV to a patient, or lovingly put a bow in a little girl's hair. You bring your part of the world one step closer to order and beauty, and thus "give back to the world...a portion of its lost heart."

Do what you do with grace. Do it with style. Do it with dignity. Do it...knowing your God is pleased with what you are doing.

Work as unto the Lord. There are no menial tasks in His estimation.

Can One Weekend Hold More Joy?

It began this way...

Snowing...

A few of us Harvest women drove through the winter wonderland to decorate the church, and then create handmade wreaths at the Bower Farm.


Are we the cutest bunch you ever saw, or what?
(L-R Wendy, Hannah, Maria, Sarah, Me, Cheryl, Kelly, Angel, Vickie, and Jenny)

We punked the pastor so good...this is what we did to his preachin' table (he doesn't preach from a typical pulpit...)

Then, more fun at the Bower Farm

Greens clipping...

Wreath making...

Christmas music softly playing...

the smell of apple cider filling the air...

The view from just one of the windows (all the views are this sweet - and I overheard more than one or two request to come live at "The Farm"! There is such a peace there.)

some of the simple, homey decorations...

A sweet, sweet scene, no?

Then, my son Isaac had a basketball game - that's him, with the black "shooting sleeve". Skinny. Handsome. Athletically gifted.

Number five-four

Tonight, at my house, the second installment of Focus on the Family's Truth Project. Our college aged small group is going through this excellent curriculum.

Searching for The Truth?

Or enjoying the holiday food?

Our facilitator Jonathan, explaining to us using his Mac (showoff!) how to log onto the Truth Project's website, and sign on to our group.

Furious note taking. This is no frilly study. It is challenging.

In the Word

Bibles everywhere...

I cannot imagine a fuller weekend (or preceding week, for that matter - spent PREPARING for all this!) I imagine I didn't stop to sit down until just now. But along the way, I soaked in each and every amazing moment in all the non stop action. The snow...making my wreath...cutting my hands on wire in the process...punking the pastor (he took it so well!)....time with girlfriends...watching Isaac score a couple of three pointers....church this morning...small group tonight...all the achingly sincere questions that were posed after the study...the glow that is still in this house.

Have a blessed Advent season, my friends.

Whew...

There's something so sexy about a man pushing a carpet cleaner for his wife...

Having Myself a Merry Little Christmas...

Today was "decorate the mantle" day. Despite a very long list of things I had to get done, I squeezed this in, purely for my own enjoyment. The result is even lovelier in person, I must say.

I clipped a pile of greens from outside my house...

put on a little James Taylor Christmas music...

Added some oranges that I cloved last night, and 3 pots of paper whites, just blooming...

It took about ten minutes.

Don't worry, the candles are flameless!

The Gospel Produces Good Works

This is a faithful saying, and these things I want you to affirm constantly, that those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable to men. (Titus 3)

The above Scripture is a classic "proof text" for some who want to mix the pure gospel with a message of human effort. In fact, they want to use all of Titus to back their emphasis on works. But when it is used in that way, the user commits a common error:

Context.

Every verse was written in the context of a chapter, which was written in the context of a book, which was written in the context of old covenant or new covenant, which was written in the context of the whole Bible, which was written in the context of grace. Jesus was the plan of God from before the foundation of the world.


The entire book of Titus was written to instruct about how to choose leaders whose lives adorn the gospel, and about training the saints regarding what it would look like to live in such a way as to adorn the doctrine Paul preached (as found in Romans, Galatians, Hebrews, etc.).

What sort of life best describes the God who has made you the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus?



In Titus, Paul again warns about legalists - a fact often conveniently ignored. Far from being a letter about the virtues of human effort, Pauls words are fatherly pearls of wisdom, inspiring a young leader to choose wisely and well who would shepherd God's people. Church leaders should be so consumed with the gospel of Jesus, that they make every decision, choose every course of action in the light of what would promote the gospel and silence its critics.



The utter, unmitigated, sheer glory of grace will make a human being zealous to live in such a way as to be God's visual aid in teaching the world how amazing He is. Jesus went about doing good for the sake of doing good, because He was simply doing what He saw a good God do. He and the Father were one.


This verse is not saying that Paul wants leaders to continually remind the saints to be mindful to work hard, and do Godly things, with no context other than "Godly principle", or "the right way to live versus wrong way to live". This verse is saying that the message of the gospel will produce a people who are prone to living accomplished and hard working lives, being of benefit to everyone, loving their work because it is productive and good - because good works impress lost people, and shame religious critics...not because good works impress God.

It says, in context, that Paul wants leaders to be constantly affirming doctrine and what adorns it, affirming the gospel of grace, the good news of Jesus. Included in this (whether we like it or not) is a respect for authority....

Respect for authority is mentioned first in chapter 3, first in the line of thought, because if respect is not in place, no one's message - not even the faithful sayings of God, communicated through the five fold ministry gifts - will be heard.

Interestingly, it is those who live as a law unto themselves who are the very ones who take this verse, and the whole book of Titus, out of context and try to make it say something it doesn't. They "submit" to almost nothing, not even the laws of hermanuetics, apparently.

If you can bear with me, here is this verse (bolded), in context, in several translations (edited in one little spot, for time's sake).



First the Phillips:

REMIND your people to recognise the power of those who rule and bear authority. They must obey them and be prepared to render whatever good service they can.
They are not to speak evil of any man, they must not be quarrelsome but reasonable, showing every consideration to all men.
For we ourselves have known what it is to be ignorant, disobedient and deceived...
But when the kindness and love of God our saviour dawned upon us,
he saved us in his mercy—not by virtue of any moral achievement of ours, but by the cleansing power of a new birth and the renewal of the Holy Spirit,

which he poured upon us through Jesus Christ our Saviour.

The result is that we are acquitted by his grace, and can look forward in hope to inheriting life eternal.
This is solid truth: I want you to speak about these matters with absolute certainty, so that those who have believed in God may concentrate upon a life of goodness. Good work is good in itself and is also useful to mankind. (Phillips)

The Message (not my favorite, but for the sake of thorough study) ~

Remind the people to respect the government and be law-abiding, always ready to lend a helping hand. No insults, no fights. God’s people should be bighearted and courteous.
It wasn’t so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn...But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that.

It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God’s gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there’s more life to come—an eternity of life!

You can count on this. I want you to put your foot down. Take a firm stand on these matters so that those who have put their trust in God will concentrate on the essentials that are good for everyone.Last, the New King James ~


Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men.
For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient...

But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared,
not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior,


that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

This is a faithful saying, and these things I want you to affirm constantly, that those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable to men.

The gospel of the abundant grace of God, which justified us (past tense) and assures our eternity, makes us care about living lives that adorn the message we are bringing. No one who has really understood the grace of God will be prone to habitually walk in a way that obscures or brings reproach on such a precious thing.



The point is that it is all about the 'faithful saying', it is all about affirming the gospel. This book of Titus, this verse, does not make it all about us and what we do. One is stimulus, the other response. One is primary, the other secondary. One is root, the other fruit.


Context, context...

Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth...

The term "unfriended" has made it into the dictionary. What does that say about our culture?

Can you believe it? "Unfriended" is Oxford dictionary's Word of the Year for 2009! Please share in my burden - and oddly, amusement - as you read this article from the Charlotte Observer "What Word Represents 2009?" (~ those of you who are cracking up laughing right now, you know who you are. "Stop it.")

Vol. 5, No. 22

Unfriended

It’s official. The 2009 word of the year, courtesy of the American Oxford Dictionary, has been named.

Drum roll, please.

Unfriended.

Some of you might be wondering - particularly if you are distanced from the latest in social networking – just what “unfriended” means.

In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya from the movie The Princess Bride, “lemme ‘splain”.

To “unfriend” means to remove someone as a friend on a social networking Web site like Facebook.

I found this to be an intriguing selection, or perhaps better put, observation. Particularly as the word chosen was not “friending” someone, which is the positive side of the act and just as newly minted for our vocabulary.

No, it was to “unfriend,” suggesting that as much as we may desire relational health and wholeness, we are much more prone to wallow in the mire of relational dysfunction. We do not work through the process of conflict resolution, as suggested by Matthew 18:15. We do not manifest grace toward our differences, or perceived weaknesses. And even less toward each other’s sin.

We know only to “unfriend.”

Granted, there are times this may be sadly needed. There are those who are relationally unsafe, and boundaries must be drawn. But that is not what has given us our new word of the year. We do not unfriend as a matter of last resort, but often as a first response. As a result, we live in a day where it is acceptable to have a trail of jobs and locations and commitments behind us as we flee from one relational breakdown to another.

Of course, followers of Christ should be the counter-balance to unfriending.

Called into community by Christ, and unified through our joint relationship with Christ, we should be manifesting the healthiest relationships on the planet. We share the same values, the same mission, the same purpose – everything needed for the deepest levels of relational health.

So as Christians before a watching world, this should be our opening. And it is. Jesus told us that if we would just love each other, it would arrest the world’s attention and give it the greatest apologetic for His message.

So why isn’t the world flocking to our communities of faith to gain a glimpse of authentic community?

Because we unfriend with as much ease as anyone. Perhaps more so.

John Ortberg once wrote of a man who was rescued from a desert island where he had survived alone for fifteen years. Before leaving, he gave his rescuers a little tour of the buildings he had constructed as a sort of one-man town over the years.

“That was my house, that was my store, this building was a kind of cabana, and over here is where I go to church.”

“What’s the building next to it?”

“Oh, that’s where I used to go to church.”

Never before has there been such a need to model Jesus and be a friend to sinners. A friend that attracts, appeals, engages.

Perhaps we need to remember that it begins by being a friend to each other.

James Emery White


Sources

“What word represents 2009?”, The Charlotte Observer, “Nation and World,” Tuesday, November 17, 2009, p. 6A.

John Ortberg, Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them.