31 Days of Celebrating Midlife {Your Work Matters}

You were designed for love and intimacy.  And you were designed for meaningful work.
What are you doing to grow in these areas of your "one wild and precious life"?  No matter what your age is today, you are becoming, and I don't just mean you are beautiful.  (You are...)

(as of this writing, this piece is available as an original, and as a print here)

What I mean is, "it doth not yet appear what we shall be..." (I John 3:2)

I speak Scripture like some people speak country music, I know.  That is who I am, and I will let you deal with that however you need to deal with that.  It will never change, I can tell you for certain.  I eat, sleep, and breathe the word of God.  I sort of live by it like I live by (small quantities of) bread.

I want to support you in your becoming...that's all.  Anything I can do, within reason, I want you to feel valued and precious, even if you are changing and growing, and have no idea what to do with your middle-time of life.

Just for today, let's live by this alone:

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work...in the grave.  (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

In a way, we are all in the middle.  Every single one of us lives in this "time between times", after God created this universe, and before we return to the dust from which we were made. 

This is it.  Life has no do-over.  Whatever your hand finds to do today, be fully present to it.  Even if it isn't quite your life's work...if it isn't quite "your crack"...do it with all your heart anyhow, and I promise you will still find joy in it.

In the meantime...in the middle-time...we are all still becoming. 

Your Work {31 Days of Celebrating Middle Things}

(Click over the image to see the details...this piece is available as a 16x20, beautifully framed original - contact me if you are interested.)

I discovered my passion for art and design after age 40.  That passion was there all along, though.  Becoming an artist wasn't some odd, mid-life reinvention of myself.  It wasn't a choice I made to offset  midlife boredom.  It wasn't a career move, that is for sure.  It was part of a healing process for me, certainly, but really it was more a...becoming.  A becoming who I already was.

I have found my life's work.  And my hair is on fire, to help you find yours.

Please pardon the smell.  Burning hair - fueled by Pantene hairspray.  So sorry.

A hard post to write, this one is.  Because every single person visiting me today comes from a wildly different background.  I have had surgeons read my blog, home makers, business owners, pastor's wives, artists, and the occasional weirdo.  Some of you have already found your life's work, and you know it.

But, if you will allow me to say it, there is always more.

More to see, more to experience, more than you've known up to this point, more than you've imagined.

More work.  Harder work.

And so worth it.

No matter what season of life you are in, you must tenaciously cultivate a "more mentality".  Because you weren't put on this earth to survive, you were strategically placed right where you are to thrive.  Without a "more mentality" we tend to make flabby decisions.  We split the difference with our most attainable dream, not even quite dreaming it fully.

We sell ourselves so short.

I want you to really think about what you are doing right now, and discern:  do you love it?  Is it your life's work, your vocation, your craft, your calling, your crack?


If your answer is "yes" then I don't care what it is - be it home maker, home educating mom (been there, done that, got four T-shirts and 4 graduation caps), nurse, missionary, or multi-level marketer - if you have found your proverbial sweet spot, you are in the right spot.

Now, earnestly desire yet MORE.

If you look deep within, and see that what you are doing doesn't yet feel right....like, "Dude, this isn't my crack."...then I encourage you -  not to quit -  but to begin a long, slow process of ...

...becoming.  You are still becoming.  But you will never become until you are honest with yourself and the world and come right out and say, "This isn't it.  But I won't stop until I find what I was put on earth to do."

Soul-Care Resources

Every feeling you feel began as a thought.  I am never just hit by a feeling, out of nowhere.  I am hit by a thought out of nowhere.

Right then, when I am hit by that thought -  and this is scientific fact, happening in the amygdala - as soon as the awareness of a thought is there, that thought needs to be evaluated as to whether or not it is true or beneficial.  If that thought is negative or toxic in any way...

Let that poisonous thing go.  If it doesn't line up with the character of Christ - any anxious, jealous, suspicious, greedy, self gratifying thought - have another thought.

If all your thinking has led you to a place you don't like...

...have. another. thought.

This is the academic version of "take out the emotional trash".  If you haven't read the work of  Dr. Caroline Leaf , run (don't walk) to your nearest Amazon dot com, and buy this book:

Who Switched Off My Brain

It is only the best book on soul-care in the whole history of ever.  Not even kidding.  And you don't have to sift through a bunch of New Age hocus pocus - Dr. Leaf's premise is solidly Judeo-Christian.  Here's a quote:

"An illness is deemed "psychosomatic"  (or a "syndrome" or even "inflammation") "when doctors can't find a physiological cause for it, sometimes dismissing it as "all in the mind."  While their diagnosis is right, their reasoning is wrong.  Thoughts do cause illness and should thus be studied and controlled.  If they are powerful enough to make us sick, they are powerful enough o make us healthy as well."  (emphasis and aside are mine)

If you feel you need intensive training, after you have read the book, I also highly recommend Dr. Leaf's 21 Day Brain Detox Program  It is very spiritual, very comprehensive, and very inexpensive.

Feel free to send the difference of whatever you used to spend on counseling and therapy to Harvest Church.  Seriously, make the check out to Harvest Church.  I believe in these resources that much.  I fully expect to save you money, if you have been seeing a therapist.  So donate the difference.  I won't see a penny of it, and neither will my Preacher.  It will probably help further fund his upcoming trip to Haiti, in fact.  You will be sowing into the Kingdom of God, plus you will get a tax deduction.

Some things are just a win/win.

Mid-Life Coping Skills {31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age}

                                         (prints and cards of the above art are available here )

First of all, many thanks to my Detroit friend Louise Trombley for the idea-seed for this particular post...

Come, my people, enter thou into thy chambers, and shut thy doors about thee: hide thyself as it were for a little moment, until the indignation be overpast.   (Isaiah 26:20)

We've been talking about how intensely practical this thing called "Soul Care" really is.  I want to share with you just one of the many new coping skills I have learned in the last 5 years - one that has comforted and ultimately protected me.  I am so grateful to Louise for linking a Scripture to this concept for me.

In times of excruciating emotional pain (please believe me...I have been there) I have learned to do...nothing.  Not even pray.  I happen to believe that I live my life in the presence of God, and that He hears my groanings when they cannot be uttered.

I.  Do.  Nothing.  I send no four-alarm emails, I don't rally friends to prayer, I don't call my best girlfriend, I don't even talk to my husband.  I "enter into my chambers and shut my door and hide myself" until the strong emotions, like a tornado churning through the landscape of my soul, pass over me. 

In the above Isaiah scripture, "indignation" can really be any excruciatingly intense emotion.  It could be anger or despair or hopelessness or offense. The good news is, it will be "overpast" soon...that death angel has to pass over, because I am covered by the blood of Christ.

To call a friend, or friends - to plaster my negative emotions on (God forbid) Facebook - to sound the alarm and call a prayer meeting would be to make it all about my emotion du' jour (the feeling of the moment).  It would be to tweak the emotions of every person who cares about me - over a feeling that will soon be 'overpast'.

Bear with me, I know this goes against the feminine grain.  I am not talking about an unhealthy independence.  I am not saying we don't need the support of others in our life.  I am simply saying that you need to "hide yourself" when you are under the influence.

You know what I mean.

Once I've "sobered up", when the "indignation be overpast",   then I send that email.  I call that friend.  I mention the issue to the awesome girlfriend with whom I meet weekly for prayer.  I sit down and talk to my Preacher about it. 

But only when I am in control of my emotions, not my emotions controlling me.

Paul David Tripp, in his incredible book Lost in the Middle puts it this way:

"In moments of deep personal disappointment...we often let our hurt set the agenda for us.  And when we do, we inevitable live to regret those decisions and the legacy they leave behind.  This too, is a danger of the midlife struggle.  In moments of disappointment and disorientation, in the grief of regret and the sadness at the death of our dreams, we are very vulnerable to making decisions that will add further trouble to the trouble we are already experiencing."

I believe with all my heart that it goes back to simply hiding yourself away until those strong emotions pass over you.

I pray you take this as the tool in your midlife toolbox it is meant to be.  Hopefully it won't be the most used tool in the toolbox...just the one tool that will make all the difference in the world at the right time.

Soul Care in Mid Life {31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age}

Every crisis in mid-life (and in any season of life) is brought on not by what has happened to us, but by what we think about what has happened to us. 

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

We middle-agers are old pros at defying this Biblical wisdom.  We guard our diets, we carefully monitor our carbs, we guard our 401K's, and we guard our "family time".

But life is found in none of those things.  In fact, a heart that is sick will adversely affect every single other area of our living...because out of your heart flows the direction of your life.  It is time to stop cleaning up the outside of the cup, like the good religious legalists we tend to be in mid-life. 

Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.  (Matthew 23)

All transformation of the God-sort, happens from the inside out, never from the outside in. 

Soul-care is the work of a lifetime.  It is daily, and it is prosaic and pragmatic and intensely practical.  Soul-care is not mystical.  It is less about spending hours and hours "with God" (though that is good, if you have that kind of time) and more about taking out the spiritual and emotional trash every. single. day.

Sometimes, on a heavy-cleaning day, you will have to take out the emotional trash many times in one day.  But everyone has to take out the trash at least once, every day.

Repeat after me:  this is good.  This is normal.

Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox. (Proverbs 14:4)

If there is no trash, you aren't living life, you aren't making progress.  If you haven't been taking out the trash...well, your soul is a mess, I promise you.

Hey, I am in no position to judge.  I'm stuck in the middle with you. 

Let's clean it up.  Together.

Hey, Soul Sister! {Let's Talk About Our Middle-Aged Souls}

                                            (Prints and cards of this can be purchased here )

In his book, Mid-Life Course Correction , which I highly highly recommend, and in fact if you are  going to be in any "In the Middle" class that I teach, will be mandatory reading...

...in this highly recommended book (did I already say that?) Gordon MacDonald talks about the time when he was counseling a man who was in a full blown mid-life crisis.  He suggested to him to "designate a 45 day period during which you will dabble in studying the architecture of your whole life in order to set it on an entirely new course..."

Obviously, MacDonald was not telling this man to quit his job, or to become someone he wasn't, or divorce his wife, buy some sheep and chickens and "reinvent himself" in some dramatic way.  No, the most profound course corrections are the shifts in attitude. 

Always, always act from a fresh, new, optimistic, Christ-centered attitude.  Never make decisions when you are feeling discontent or at loose ends or depressed.  Actually, I cannot emphasize that enough.  Address the inner first, always.  The outer will follow.

It never works in reverse.

That's all we are doing, here.  We are taking 31 days to find a fresh, new outlook on this all-important middle-time of life.  After all, your middle entirely determines your end.  The choices you make here in your middle determine your outcome in a more profound way than even the choices you made when you began.

The Bible says nothing in particular about middle age, because the Bible tells us everything we need to know about middle age.  We truly need not consult any other oracle.  We aren't looking for text about middle age, we are looking for a context for middle age. 

Scripture gives us rich context.

"Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion:  for lo, I come, and I will dwell in your middle, saith the Lord." 
(Zechariah 2:10, quoted with only slight poetic license.  Look it up for yourself...)

31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age {Dress That Body}

Can I get an Amen?

The Message says it this way: 

"Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile."

Being a preacher's wife - and of a small church - I know all about being frugal.  In fact, I would risk saying I can probably afford expensive clothes less than many people I know.

But I am worth more than the sale rack at Wal-Mart, and so are you.  You can get "well-made and elegant" from a thrift store for less than the Wal-Mart sale racks, you just have to know what to look for and how to look for it.

This has been something that has always meant a great deal to me, having been a fashionista all my life.  The amazing grace is, is that God has always seemed to provide for me, in this area.  And The Preacher loves it when I dress up, he loves my style, and wants me to look as good as I can for the budget we have.

The tiny budget we have.

If this is a sore spot with you, first I encourage you to take it to the Lord.  Ask Him why you can't seem to get into wearing pretty things.  It could be because of many root issues, all the way from childhood trauma, to current weight issues, to money issues, to a struggle with gender identity.  Just know this, dear one - it is normal and natural and healthy to want to look beautiful.  Seek healing and restoration in this area of your life, but seek it slowly.  It will come.

Next I encourage you to seek out a fashionista friend.  Find a woman who really knows how to dress for her body type, because chances are, she can tell you how to dress for yours!

If you are blessed enough to find a friend with that kind of time, ask her to come play in your closet with you - your own personal "What Not To Wear" session.  Toss what has not been working for you.

Go on...do it.

Here's my version of "silk and purple":

Sorry for the fuzzy iphone picture and my crazy "mood/inspiration wall" to the left, but Fit 3 jeans from Target are my life.  My world.  My best friends.

Okay, so I exaggerate.  But I do have 3 pair, gotten half price this past early-summer, and they are all I wear.  I own them in dark skinnies, long skinnies (the upturned cuff at the bottom is all the rage right now), and boot leg faded.  I got rid of pretty much every other pair of jeans I owned...ask my daughter Hannah.  She got them all.

Put them with a white T-shirt and some cute flats and a great belt, and you are done, girlfriend.

Silk and purple - a little bit country, a little bit rock n' roll.  Like me.

If you need more inspiration, join Jeanne Oliver's creative community and check out Paige Knudsen's class entitled "Let's Play Dress Up".  Joining the creative community is free.  Paige's class is just $10!