Launch First - Tweak As You Go {...all the most effective people do...}

Well, I heard my son-in-law preach an amazing message on launching out in faith - not duty, not going through the motions - to invest the gifts and finances God has given us, because His heart is to bless and multiply us.


It is with that attitude of heart that I share with you "Episode 1 of Something" ...my very very first "Podcast".


Launch first, tweak as you go.  If I have learned anything in being an artist and a person whose creativity IS her business, I have learned to just do it.  If you wait until it is perfect, you will never do much at all.


So it is in this spirit and this attitude - an attitude of faith and the desire to let God multiply everything I can give to Him - that I finally begin another thing   project   creative endeavor...one that has been on my heart for quite some time.


Thing is...what is there to lose?  Someone, somewhere may think it foolish, but affirming the word I heard today also affirms the young speaker, and affirms me - because if I am not going to do something with what I heard now...today...when will be the next, best time?

Your {Simple Yet Powerful} Playsheet is Ready...

As promised, I prepared you a "Tolerations Playsheet".

 And she is deceptively simple.

Because science confirms that the head and heart and hand are intricately connected, and it is hugely important to journal...to write things down.  One powerful thought:  you cannot write something down, while thinking about something else.

To journal, write, or otherwise document with your own hand what your thoughts are, requires that you begin to process your life on a deep level.  Try it.  Trust me.

To get your own PDF file that you can print, pour yourself a cup of coffee, and sit down in a quiet place with, simply email me with the word "Playsheet" in the subject line, and include your email address.  I will send your very own coaching playsheet, at no charge.  Yours will look slightly very different than the one you see below...below is the beta version, but it will give you an idea.

Now, onto the coaching...

Here are your instructions:

~ Identify your top three tolerations.  Make sure that if you are living with a huge toleration      (explanation here) that you are completely honest with yourself, and list that at the very top.  Then, simply identify two more...the two that bother you the most.  You are writing these "top three" down in order to bring them into your conscious awareness...you are  "putting them on your radar screen" so to speak.  They may actually be SO huge that you will not be able to address them quickly or easily.  That is okay.  You will be surprised how much your mind and heart will begin to search for wisdom and solutions, all on their own, simply by observing fact and calling it what it is:  a toleration.

~Next, list three tolerations that will cost you nothing to address.  This is for the "quick win"...and trust me, you need and want a quick win, because the first and last lists are going to kick your butt.  You will eliminate these tolerations within the week.

~Last, identify three tolerations that by nature mean that you will have to initiate a conversation with someone you live with...not one of your friends.  These last three "requiring a conversation" tolerances may be much the same as your first three (the three that must stop "NOW").  Or, your tolerances that require a conversation may be completely different from your three biggest ones listed at the top of your playsheet.

It's your life, it is your time to think and be compassionately honest with yourself.  (I don't believe in being brutally honest with yourself - but that is another coaching moment for another day...)


Fact is, many of our tolerations DO involve family members.  Friends?  Not so much.  Most of us don't live with friends - unless you are single and sharing a space with room mates.  If so, think of them as family.   Something about them may qualify as an unnecessary tolerance that "requires a conversation".  Otherwise, with friends, I recommend patience, unless the behavior of a friend is crossing important boundaries.

But those we live with, family or otherwise, can present us with challenges that we sometimes learn to tolerate.  Notice I did not say "challenges that we choose to be patient with"...that is different.  No, I am talking about things we are tolerating that we should not be tolerating - both for our own sake, and the other person's sake.  It blesses no one when one person is tolerating another person.

Think with me:  is there someone in your everyday life, whose behavior has caused you to come up with elaborate coping mechanisms?  You may really have to print your sheet out and take time to ponder, because this is a "live" one - as they say in the coaching industry.

Why?  Because often our coping strategies become so engrained, we don't even notice them anymore.  For example:  an adult, unemployed child comes home, obviously in a bad mood, and you automatically begin either trying to deflect his mood, or isolate yourself elsewhere in your own house, or eat a whole pan of brownies.  (That may or may not be autobiographical in nature...)

Girlfriend, it is time for a conversation.

We all have a few tolerances that require a calm, well-thought-out conversation with a family member who we love dearly.  I promise you are not the only one.  You must:  1.  think through what you need to say, and 2.  schedule these conversations, also within one week.

The only rule for that last list:  that you request no more than fifteen minutes of anyone's time, to discuss the issue.  Word of counsel:  the more emotional the subject, the more public your discussion needs to be.  For example, if you are addressing an emotionally touchy topic, you carefully plan what needs to be said, you request 15 minutes of the loved one's time at a coffee shop, and you lovingly, peacefully speak your peace, and then get feedback.  This keeps both of you on task, as neutral as possible, on target, and taking no unnecessary emotional side roads.

You are guaranteed to at least be well on your way to a breakthrough in 15 minutes flat, if not experiencing full-on breakthrough in 15 minutes.  It can be done, and in fact is done all the time.

Again, if you'd like a playsheet that you can sit down with, think, sip coffee, and have a "come to Jesus meeting" with yourself, just email me with the word "Playsheet" in the subject line, and include your email address, so I can send you the PDF I developed.

What Are You Tolerating {...that you shouldn't be...}

Tell me what it is you are tolerating, right now this minute.

Did you know that almost everyone has at least a hundred (yes...100...one-zero-zero...) "tolerations" active in their life at any given time?  It is no wonder we feel anxious, stressed, and experience aches and pains in our physical bodies.  

"Tolerations" are what life coaches call all those things you put up with...walls that need painting, closets that need purging, clutter on the tables, flower beds that need weeding, and cars that need maintenance.  (That list may or may not be autobiographical in nature...)

I am not talking about areas of your life where you need to develop patience, as in a husband who isn't romantic enough, or a child with an annoying habit.  Develop patience.  Train your child.

No, I am talking about the distractions...the draining annoyances...the pebbles in your shoes that are telling you that you should just stop...remove your shoes...and get rid of the pebbles.  

Your level of satisfaction in life...even your ability to attend to the things of God without distraction, is directly related to the number of things you are tolerating.

Sure, you could go swimming in your jeans in an emergency...but every time you swim?   That'd just be annoying.

That is what life lived with tolerations is like:  swimming in your jeans.  How does it feel?  Are you relaxed?  Do you feel free?

Some tolerations are huge.  So huge, we have no business tolerating them on any level.  Some examples would be:  having no church home, carrying a mortgage that you cannot afford, an unemployed adult child living at home paying no rent, disrespect from said adult child (or any child), emotional or physical abuse from a spouse.

The huge tolerations are no-brainers...any woman in her right mind knows she needs to put a stop to those things, somehow.   But the big tolerations are often very, very hard to reduce and eliminate.

However.   You must eliminate them.

Other, more minor tolerations will still hinder those we love from receiving our best, and they keep us from accomplishing our goals with the ease that ought to be characteristic of a Christ-follower.  Ask yourself how much of a "peaceful, non-anxious presence" do you have?  If no one has ever told you that they feel peaceful when they are around you...you do not have a strong, obvious, non-anxious presence about you.  Time to take step one in cultivating an atmosphere-shifting, serene, non-anxious presence (it is your gift to others), by eliminating your own tolerations.

I am currently developing a fun-sheet (as opposed to "worksheet") to help you identify the tolerations in your life, and even come up with a short-term game plan to address them.

Go ahead.  Don't wait for the playsheet, and don't wait for me to coach you (though I would be glad to, if you want to make an appointment.  You can reserve a spot by clicking here). 

Do this:  Eliminate two smallish-yet-draining tolerations in your life by Monday.  Sew that button back on.  Clean your car.

You won't believe how much lighter you  feel.  I promise.  

Journaling Questions:

What is my "huge" toleration?  What is one thing I have no business tolerating, but have been tolerating?

Why am I tolerating it?

What am I afraid of?

Pray over the things you discover...

Post edit:

The FREE "Tolerances Playsheet" is now available!  All you need to do is drop me a line and request the worksheet (I call it a "playsheet"), leaving me your email address.  I will promptly send you the PDF!  As simple as this playsheet is, I think you will find it insightful...I added one exercise at the bottom that will really make you think.

{Warning:  the following post is a bit more melancholy than what you are used to hearing out of me.  I almost shared these thoughts with you, a little over a year ago.  But I deleted the whole post, fearing it was just too sad.  Tonight, I bravely hit "publish", remembering my commitment to "Write Hard and Clear About What Hurts"...}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am reminded of an old '70's song tonight - a song that has spoken to me profoundly for about three or four years now. It isn't a "Christian" song. It is a life experience song. A raw and honest and vulnerable song.



Forgive the drama, but every time I hear it, I cry. Sometimes, depending on what has happened in my recent history, I ugly-cry.



Tonight, I ugly-cried. There may or may not have been hiccuping.



But even on a great day, there are always at least tears in my eyes whenever I hear this song. Every. Dang. Time. I am not sure of the story behind the lyrics, but like all really good art (and UNlike Scripture), it lends itself to my own personal interpretation.



I've lived the Landslide. There was a time, many years ago, when I might have seen my reflection in a snow-covered hill...strong...invincible...solid. I built my life around my children, educating them at home, pouring calling and purpose and destiny into them at every opportunity.



I would never have consciously admitted it, but I thought I could insure their outcome with the currency of my own passion for Christ. The child in my heart wanted to believe in happily ever after, and that prodigals only happened to other people.



It's no secret. My sons took their spiritual inheritance and treated it as worse than insignificant.



Landslide.



My world really did crumble. Because I had placed my well-being in something other than In Christ Alone.



A common midlife miscalculation. A sudden riptide that threatened my till-then firm footing. I doubted whether I could really handle the changing seasons of my life.



I held tight to that mis-placed hope, but the winds of change were gale-force and unrelenting for about the space of three years, and I was afraid.  I was so afraid of the human condition called "failure".



One day...I simply let go. Open-palmed and falling forward, God's grace became the only hope I had.



Losing myself in the ensuing landslide was a severe mercy, and a wonderful, bountiful dealing for my soul.



I hope the day comes when, every time my sons hear the hymn "In Christ Alone", they think of me and get misty-eyed...



...and I hope that every time my boys hear "Landslide" they think of me...worship God for His Great Love for them...



...and do the ugly-cry.











"Landslide"



I took my love and took it down

I climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Till the landslide brought me down



Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?



Well, I've been afraid of changing

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too



Well, I've been afraid of changing

'Cause I've built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I'm getting older too

Oh, I'm getting older too



I take my love, take it down

I climb a mountain and turn around

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Will the landslide bring you down

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Will the landslide bring you down, oh, oh

The landslide bring you down







Grace and Peace,



Sheila Atchley



All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Building An Altar of Gratitude {...and lifting up my soul...}

I hope this well-encourages your soul.  The Preacher and I "slipped the surly bonds" of chores and work and phones for a couple of hours today.

I just wanted to share a few of the images with you.  {The song is "Lift Up My Soul" by Judah and the Lions}

Moments before we decided to make the drive back home, I plunged my hands into the river, cold and elbow-deep, for the perfect, flat rocks.  I wanted to build a tiny altar - to memorialize our recent Resurrection Sunday, for spending the day with the whole family...parents and prodigals and children and their spouses and grandchildren...all of us trophies of grace...and it was perfect in its imperfection.  We without doubt were living a dream we did not earn and do not deserve.

Oh, this life...this life in Christ...

I needed to thank God for all His goodness to me...

Multiple Social Media Identities {Can We Raise Awareness?}

{Thank you in advance for grace...this is a re-post from my archives - one that I will be bringing out periodically this year, all year long.  It has gotten amazing response, with at least two other "selves" deleted that I know about.  Raising awareness of this important issue...please do share across all your social media platforms, and include, if you will, the hashtag #onlyoneme.  Many thanks...}











{Girls and moms, please feel free to click on, and save the above image, pin it to Pinterest, and share it across your social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, or Vine.}



I am 47 years old. I am a pastor's wife. I have pudge around my middle-aged middle.



Three strikes against me, you'd think, when it comes to all these super cool, super cute highschool and college girls....three strikes, so you'd think I'd be out. But I'm in!



For whatever reason, y'all like me.



That may be because I adore you.



I do. I haven't met a young girl but what I didn't feel the urge to coach or mother her into her identity in Christ. I told my last girl I mentored, straight up, "I love you, and I am here to grab you by your arm, and DRAG you as FAST AS YOU CAN RUN to meet up with your destiny, because you are behind the time of your development!"



And that's what we did.



I have a new burden about others of you. I want those of you with more than one social media identity (on Instagram, Vine, Snapchat, or even Facebook) I want you to delete every other identity/account you have, and keep only the one you wouldn't mind your daddy or momma to see.



Will the "real you" please stand up?



Can you stand up courageously, by declaring to your entire social media platform that there is #onlyoneme. Ask all your friends: Will the real you please #standup ?



If you are REALLY brave, let everyone who follows you know that you have #deletedmyotherselves



If you have only one social media identity, across all platforms, and your parents are welcome to see most of what is there...please speak up, and challenge your peers to the same policy.



Why? Because these multiple technology personalities are hurting your friends. Like...really damaging them, psychologically and emotionally. When I was your age,I lied about who I was calling on that phone that was tethered to the wall in the family kitchen. A very low tech,low investment lie.



Today, you guys can lie elaborately, and with a single deleting swipe of a finger,an entire false persona can be concealed...in an instant.





Join me, if you will, in starting a movement. A bold move towards a genuine honest undisguised YOU. Delete those other "selves" if you are one of the many who has them:













{again, please feel free to share the above, square #onlyoneme collage banner. Share the hashtag and banner across all your social media platforms.}



Join me, girls, and let's create a movement of young women who are willing to be genuinely and conspicuously THEMSELVES.



Please share this post with your highschool and college age girlfriends - leave me a comment below if you are ready to join me in starting a movement.



#onlyoneme

#deleteyourotherselves

#willtherealyoupleasestandup

Our New Raised Garden Beds {Oh Happy Day}

...so our Saturday began thusly:

Going big AND going home.  Why does it have to be EITHER "go big" OR "go home"?  I think home is the place to shine.  This was the topsoil delivery truck for Operation Raised Bed Gardening.

...about mid-day.  Thank heaven for sons-in-love.  Even skinny-ish ones.  These men beasted it yesterday.

...as the sun sank in the western sky, just last night.

The Preacher was as achey and tired as a man could be today - and Sundays are not his day off.  So many thanks to my father, Harry Gilreath, for the amazing message on "An Increase of Faith".  It was such a practical word for business owners, mommas, daddies, employees, even kids.  I think everyone came away feeling so blessed.

And as the sun sinks low in that western sky tonight, this Preacher's Wife is planning her vegetable plantings with an enthusiasm that is almost violent.

So.  So.  Excited.

If Today Was "Backwards Day" {calling bad good, being backassward and thinking it's OK}

Being backassward is dangerous...but let's imagine....





If today was Backwards Day, I would take all my middle-aged angst and offense, and in one glorious moment of narcissism I would use it as my excuse to say, "Ah, the hell with it. I am going to "break free" of the confining venues of church and Sundays and sermons and leadership and grow flowers."



What woman wouldn't rather do that, right?



If today was Backwards Day, I would be okay with hurting little children and all my girlfriends, and chalk it up to the fact that they just don't understand.



If today was Backwards Day, I would run right back to the law for my righteousness.



If today was Backwards Day, I would burn bridges with my own flesh and blood because they hurt me first.



If today was Backwards Day, I would be so needy of my grown children's approval, I would sell out my convictions.



If today was Backwards Day, I would back off, back down, lay back and coast because that's what the next generation wants to see....sheer jaded unenthusiasm.



If today was Backwards Day, I would love bunnies and puppies and mountains more than people. Bunnies and mountains don't have opinions that alter My Reality.



If today was Backwards Day, I would travel and buy a boat and build a barn for my Nubian goats, while giving less of my money and none of my time so that Haitian pastors can have four block walls and a few chickens.



If today was Backwards Day, I would get my chainsaw and sever important relationships and think I was all badass and brave for doing it. I would even find a morbid sense of "healing" in it.



If today was Backwards Day, I would question leadership while being completely unwilling to shoulder responsibility and lead. I would also shoot at leaders via Facebook.



If today was Backwards Day, I would think that all my friends need to show they care about me, not me show that I care about all my friends.



If today was Backwards Day, I would hate country music.



{just wanted to see if you were still with me...}



If today was Backwards Day, I would make reckless, self centered choices, and think that a few poetic lines on my blog can justify my reasoning. I might call my choice "do it, duck, and run"....yeah, that sounds Christlike, right?



Oh wait, being conformed to His image is neither here nor there, when it's all about me and my fragile faith.



If today was Backwards Day, I would feel no obligation to explain myself. Am I my brother's keeper?



That pretty much covers it. Anybody for declaring tomorrow the Official Backwards Day?



Thought not. If you think that'd just be wrong....you'd be right.







Grace and Peace,



Sheila Atchley



All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Catch and Release {Why I Love Instagram}

One of the most important spiritual exercises we can do, is to practice a conscious gratitude for momentary gifts, without the need to "own" or hold onto those gifts.

If our sense of God and of life is one of scarcity, then we feel jealous of others gifts. We compete, because deep down we feel there is a limited supply of happy, and if someone else has more, that means we have less, and we are driven to prove our own value. Scarcity mentality motivates us to cling to people, things, and experiences as though that little bit of joy might be the last we are allowed to experience until next week...or next year.

An abundance mindset blesses us with the feeling that, at any moment, the little floater of our awareness, bobbing on the surface of our consciousness, is going to tell us that we are getting a nibble of joy...




...and the tug of the nibble often means that there is a big fat benediction on the hook...a Great Grace...this Present Moment...and we get to reel it right in.

And when we land it, when we pull it in, alive and gyrating, we don't have to kill the Present Moment by hanging onto it forever, trying to make it last and last.

On the contrary. Like all good fisherman, we can catch, kiss, and gently release. Because there are many, many more precious and present moments in this ocean of life.

Because the sweetness is in the catching, not the keeping.




This is why history's most joyful saints didn't have big houses or well wadded bank accounts. They didn't live lavishly. Their awareness of true riches made them gather wild flowers, good books, and good friends. They needed no tangible memento - they could catch and release, knowing they would pick flowers, read, and have coffee again with a friend tomorrow. Their God daily loaded them with benefits, and they lived like this is true.

I think those old saints and monks would have loved my iPhone.


I use my iPhone as my fishing pole - my tool for my catch and release lifestyle of joy. When something touches me, I reel that moment right in, "kiss" it, and release it with each push of the "share" button. Some days there are just. so. many. fish. (Hypothetically.) Other days, I might reel in only one or two. But you can be certain I am taking joy just watching for the first nibble of beauty.

You may have a practice of mindful catch-and-release gratitude like mine. I love to invite Jesus Christ to walk with me, from the beginning of the day to my present moment in a chronological meander...picture by picture by picture. Or I may find Christ inviting me to linger with him over specific moments or feelings or thoughts from the day.




These images were the special moments in the day when I felt His smile in some small thing, or felt a twinge of something that made me catch the Present Moment and reel it in for closer examination.

I find it such an art, to catch and release those milliseconds of grace, knowing...trusting...that this life of mine is brim-ful of benefit. I exist, drenched in His overflow. I have His life in me, and that life is exuberant and knows but one way: "increase - no end."




And so yes, I grab my phone and snap the image and release it back into the ocean of His grace. I then cast my hook and wait to feel the next nibble of happiness.

This whole spinning earth is full of His glory. I need not cling or claim ownership of any experience, person, or thing. There is way more where that bit of joy came from, and heaven is forever.


Visit me over on Instagram (user name is SheilaAtchleyDesigns)? Join me in my daily meditation practice of "catch and release"? (See live Instagram Invitation link to the right sidebar.)




Grace and Peace,

Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

You Might Be a Narcissist If {...our generation's journey away from self absorption...}

So I have done hours of hard research into this subject, partly to be equipped to deal with things in my personal life, partly to be equipped in the ministry.

Narcissism.

Narcissus, in Greek mythology, fell in love with his own reflection.

Narcissism, in real life, is more rampant than we think.

In fact, a couple of years back, my research became uncomfortable for me at times. My own areas of woundedness and humanity began to be revealed to me.

I fell out of love with my reflection. It was a wonderful, bountiful dealing for my soul.

I remember once, being in a room with several women. There were items displayed on a table, and we were all looking. I noticed that a few of us were blocking another woman's line of sight. I murmured, "Let me get out of your way."

Someone else, I am not sure who, said, "Oops. My artistic side is showing. I am always
in my own world."
I remember my instant, inner, very quiet reaction. Without turning to see who spoke, I remember disagreeing, in that moment. And I still disagree. When I am being truly artistic, I am very aware of details and nuance. Far from being oblivious to subtleties, I am actually tuned into the smallest of lines and shadows.





So you might be a narcissist if:

~You lack a true awareness of others.

~If you are always feeling left out, or like you don't belong.

~if you experience being offended more than once or twice a year

~You manage to turn the conversation to yourself. Even someone else's prayer request can turn into your own bid for attention.

~If anyone in your life is made to feel as if they are not "enough" - cannot do enough, care enough, give enough...

~You genuinely believe you are "different" or "special". (This is where Christians can be the most guilty of veiled narcissism - God is no...no....no respecter of persons.)

~You are an over-spender, or overly aware of the spending of others

~You are generous (yes! Many narcissists are givers...for the relational leverage, for the boost in self esteem, for an excuse to buy themselves what they want)

~If you routinely find fault in others

~Collect a large number of friends on Facebook.



~Put stock in Facebook "likes", and worse, compare them to those of someone else

~avoid Facebook entirely, denigrating it as not worth your time (!!). Healthy people are characterized by having no extremes.


~are hyper-spiritual about peripheral issues (God says this and that to you, always aboutyou), but you are easily offended, and lack true depth where it counts

~if you personalize almost everything

~if you pay undue attention to compliments

~if you take criticism personally

~if you are easily angered

~if you are jealous, always competing and comparing

~if you manipulate or punish with your emotions

~over-use of sarcasm

~if you gravitate to leadership positions (yep....many narcissists are leaders, but not all leaders are narcissists - or at least they are aware of the tendency and guard against it)

~if you have soft personal boundaries, becoming enmeshed in others drama

~if your own life generates drama, you are definitely a narcissist

For a very brief overview, go here

Or here

To be better equipped to battle narcissism in yourself, or set strong boundaries for more healthy relationships with the narcissists in your life, you can go deeper here


Grace and Peace,

Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

A Lenten Meditation {Why We Must Think Right About Others}

The Proverbs say "All the days of the afflicted are evil, but (s)he who has a merry heart has a continual feast."

This applies to everything. We often hear this verse applied to our attitude, but it also applies to our relationships. Even mind-science has a term for it...and it is a very real, measurable phenomenon...

...called confirmation bias. On a harmless level, if you begin to consider purchasing a Prius, you will suddenly see them everywhere. On a very harmful level, the negative things you choose to entertain about a spouse, friend, father or mother, you will easily find in them. Confirmation Bias. It is proven and measurable and we all have it.

If I tell myself my husband is a Witless Wonder, my mind will search for confirmation, and will find it.

If I tell myself my husband is wise, my mind will search for confirmation and will find it.                    


What you tell yourself directly affects your emotional well being.

What you tell yourself about others directly affects your relationships...which directly affects your well being.

All but the very least discerning in your circle knows if you are entertaining negativity about them. They can sense it.

Do you have a conscience? At all? Most Christians do. If you have a conscience, that is another big reason to think well of others. Your mind watches you. Your own mind registers every inner attitude, then measures it against what you say and do. When you demean someone with your words, and then you smile at them the next time you see them...

...you are at odds, deep inside, if you have any conscience. Something will feel disingenuous. The worst thing you can do is blame the other person. They are not responsible for your perspective...or your emotions.

It is best to choose a perspective of respect at every opportunity - on the inside first. Let the hidden man of the heart begin to look for the praiseworthy in others. Your mouth will eventually speak life, from the overflow of your heart. That positive, happy, upbeat attitude of yours will make all your relationships feel like a Saturday morning...

...light. Sweet. Easy.

Confirmation Bias is a Biblical concept. Confirmation Bias exists in you, no matter what. Why not make it work FOR you, not against you?




Grace and Peace,

Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Spring Decorating {Lent = He Gives Beauty For Ashes}

Every day is a celebration of grace.

But there is something so precious to me about the season leading up to Easter.

The season some recognize as "Lent".

Come on in, and let me try to show you how we celebrate this Holy Season.

The upper hooks are for mine and the Preacher's scarves and hats and such...

...the lower are for the G-babies' little things.

Winter evergreens are replaced by green grass, in the rusty metal bucket.

And the binoculars aren't for show. The Preacher is a rabid bird watcher.

{and the number 10 needs to be replaced by an 11. I just haven't carved the stamp.

Yet.

::smile::More on that later.}

Fresh spring flowers are always to be enjoyed this time of year.

A table centerpiece of moss and candles, nestled in an antique drawer....

...celebrating spring, the Finished Work of the Cross,

and Him whose Life was the light of men (John chapter 1).

Pussywillow branches, an antique book whose title rejoices in

every new season, whatever it is. And original art. And light.

The new hallway Gallery Wall - full of original art by my son-in-

love Jonathan Howe...

...as well as yours truly.

This is a time for Christians to rejoice in Jesus,

{In Christ Alone My Hope is Found}

This is a time to observe the inauguration of the dispensation of

His grace;

 not a time to be wan and sad, not a time to look inward,

where perfection is never to be found.

He gives beauty for ashes.

Why not fill your home, heart, and relationships with beauty?

Grace and Peace,

Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Action or Transaction? {The Friendships of Women}

What is life like in the other woman's boots?  Be interested...but not enmeshed.  Be open-handed, not tight fisted.  And above all...never...ever...try to write your name on the bottom of those boots of hers...

...your friend's boots.

She belongs to the Lord, first and foremost.  She also belongs to a handful of other people in her life called "husband", "daughter", "son", or "grandchild" or "mother".   She does not belong to you.

After all, isn't that what makes her so beautiful?  The fact that she works so hard to build authentic relationships with her beloveds, so that what she has to offer you, when she enfolds you into that circle, is something so genuine you feel inspired to go love on your beloveds - isn't that what makes her so special?

When you stop using her to feel better about yourself, you will finally be in a position to be a true friend to your girlfriend.  After all, relationship is about holding up a vision of the greatness of the other girl.

It is unconditional love - it is action, not transaction.

Hey.  You already know this, deep down.

Be genuinely interested in the success of someone else.  See life through her lens, walk a mile in her boots...because she is that incredible to you.  And remember:  interested women are irresistibly interesting.

Go love your friend into being her best self.  Ironically, you become your best self when you do.

Wordless Wonder {Snow in the South...}

This Message of Grace {...it is finally covering the whole earth...}

Here is a must read for you today.



I burn with holy satisfaction as I read.



Because there was a time when my preacher and I suffered for saying the same things. It was seen as a strange, off-center, "unbalanced" word.  The term "cult" was even whispered behind our backs, by those who'd declared themselves to be our fast friends, mere weeks earlier.



Not many others were preaching these things consistently or with any substantive passion.



Yet my Preacher was preaching this stuff...this grace stuff...the end of the law for all who believe...like a crazy man.



"Graceageddon"...



...heh, heh.



Ain't nothin' balanced about that.





Grace and Peace,



Sheila Atchley



All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Recipe {Cooking For Two}

I have been cooking from this cookbook for some time now, and I cannot recommend it enough. Tonight, The Preacher and I enjoyed the most amazing chicken stew...

...hang with me, I promise it is incredible, and so worth it.

Put some brown rice on to boil. (The cookbook calls for the microwaveable steam bags of white rice, but this is only to keep it truly "One Pan, Two Plates". I don't mind the extra pan, because I love brown rice...)




Slice one leek, one rib of celery, and one carrot. Throw these in a hot-hot cast iron skillet, with olive oil. Toss in some thyme.


After sautéing the vegetables for a few minutes, place 4-6 chicken thighs in the pan and brown them.


Add the juice of two oranges, two cloves of garlic (chopped), and a can of organic diced tomatoes (we love Muir Glen brand), and some chopped parsley. Cover and simmer until the chicken is tender and cooked through, about 30 minutes.


While the stew is simmering, zest one small orange (don't skip this, if you value your quality of life. I am only being a little dramatic...), and slice up some olives (1/3 cup). You will add them at the very end. Also, warm two shallow bowls in your oven.



Lay a fragrant bed of nutty, yummy brown rice...


...ladle on the stew...pour a glass of whatever you both love...


Enjoy.

The Preacher gave this three thumbs up...

...it's a birth defect. Just kidding.


Grace and Peace,

Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Snow In the South

Yes...

I admit it...

It's true.

Everything you've heard.

I am living a dream I have not earned.

And do not deserve.

Yes...

...it sort of rocks to be me.

And it is all...

...every moment...

...every little bit of it...

...extravagant grace.

{Hope you enjoyed our little snow angel...}

Stealing Like An Artist {Or Like Robin Hood}

In April of last year, I downloaded and read the book Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon.  

It liberated me to be who I have always been...all along...

...a Thief.

As I prepare to speak next weekend to the beautiful women of Franklin Covenant Church in the artsy town of Franklin, NC - also at Trinity Community Church, later in the spring - and maybe even Scotland (me...the one who hates traveling)...

As I think of my art that has been flung as far as New Zealand, the United Kingdom, California, and Acworth Alabama...

It humbles and delights me to confess how very much of who I am has been purposely, thoughtfully, even meticulously stolen from others.  All.  My.  Life.  

Please note I did not say "copied" or "plagiarized".  Let me explain.

Nah, get the book.  Then you will understand.  Or read this post for clarification of what I mean.  The post is proof that I read the book last early-April, and my mention of it is not a mere or slavish copying on my part of beautiful blondes who have read it and are more recently talking about it.  

{I am taking Jeanne's lovely course, Studying Under the Masters:  Becoming An Apprentice}

I have always been a voracious reader.  I sit in front of books the way some women sit in front of social media:  all the dang time.

I hear the Lord so clearly in the bathtub.  As I was soaking this night, both in water and in Word, God was speaking to me about what I will be speaking to the women of Franklin NC.  The context that will be framing my teaching has been ripped right out of Eugene Peterson's book entitled Eat This Book.  (Note:  I said the book is the context that will frame what is actually my own personal story and revelation into the ways and wisdom of God.  I will not be quoting words from the book and pretending they are my own words.)

And the Father affectionately said to me, "You are my Robin Hood.  I love that about you."

Yeah.  That's me.  Robin Hood.  I have only a very few thoughts that I would consider to be entirely originally my own - and maybe not even those few.  The rest have been stolen from those who I consider to have way more wisdom and talent than me - and I turn right around and immediately give away what I stole to those who need it desperately.  I do it in my art and in my ministry.  Or, wait.  They are one in the same.   In my art ministry, in this weird thing I do, I rob from the rich and give to the poor in spirit.

And I like to think of my Harvest Women as my Merry ("Mighty") Band.  They sneak me chocolate and red wine when I need it, they watch out for enemies, and if someone tries to hurt me they fall upon them without mercy.  Me n' my gang.  They believe in me and this thievery I do, to their core.  Were I to land in a dungeon, a wild hairy plot to rescue me would be forthwith in the making.  

And they know I'd hurt people for them, too, because I already steal for them.

So be set free in your own practice, whatever it is, to steal.  Not plagiarize, not copy what someone else is doing...but steal it and then repurpose it and keep it just long enough to make it your own.  Eminent Domain and all that sort of thing.

The funny thing is?  What is then given away is uniquely yours.  

I thought I was "Stealing Like An Artist", and come to find out, all this time, this stealing thing has been who I am for a long, long time...I was probably stealing magnificent ideas when Austin Kleon was in grade school.

Robin Hood had a sweet gig, and ended up making quite a name for himself.

Stand on the shoulders of giants with me, won't you?

13-21 Year Old Girls {This Post Is For You}

{Girls and moms, please feel free to click on, and save the above image, pin it to Pinterest, and share it across your social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, or Vine.}

I am 47 years old. I am a pastor's wife. I have pudge around my middle-aged middle.

Three strikes against me, you'd think, when it comes to all these super cool, super cute highschool and college girls....three strikes, so you'd think I'd be out. But I'm in!

For whatever reason, y'all like me.

That may be because I adore you.

I do. I haven't met a young girl but what I didn't feel the urge to coach or mother her into her identity in Christ. I told my last girl I mentored, straight up, "I love you, and I am here to grab you by your arm, and DRAG you as FAST AS YOU CAN RUN to meet up with your destiny, because you are behind the time of your development!"

And that's what we did.

I have a new burden about others of you. I want those of you with more than one social media identity (on Instagram, Vine, Snapchat, or even Facebook) I want you to delete every other identity/account you have, and keep only the one you wouldn't mind your daddy or momma to see.

Will the "real you" please stand up?

Can you stand up courageously, by declaring to your entire social media platform that there is #onlyoneme. Ask all your friends: Will the real you please #standup ?

If you are REALLY brave, let everyone who follows you know that you have #deletedmyotherselves

If you have only one social media identity, across all platforms, and your parents are welcome to see most of what is there...please speak up, and challenge your peers to the same policy.

Why? Because these multiple technology personalities are hurting your friends. Like...really damaging them, psychologically and emotionally. When I was your age,I lied about who I was calling on that phone that was tethered to the wall in the family kitchen. A very low tech,low investment lie.

Today, you guys can lie elaborately, and with a single deleting swipe of a finger,an entire ungodly persona can be concealed...in an instant.


Join me, if you will, in starting a movement. A bold move towards a genuine honest undisguised YOU. Delete those other "selves" if you are one of the many who has them:





{again, please feel free to share the above, square #onlyoneme collage banner. Share the hashtag and banner across all your social media platforms.}

Join me, girls, and let's create a movement of young women who are willing to be genuinely and conspicuously THEMSELVES.

Please share this post with your highschool and college age girlfriends - leave me a comment below if you are ready to join me in starting a movement.

#onlyoneme
#deleteyourotherselves
#willtherealyoupleasestandup


Grace and Peace,

Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Are My Experiences "Happy" or "Meaningful"

You can feel happy, in brief flashes and chance encounters, when everything is perfect, and you can feel that ethereal sense of happiness unconnected to any real meaning. The happiness comes, you get that new car, and then that happy feeling leaves, because of the law of diminishing returns. Your next encounter with feeling happy is contingent upon the next new thing you are sure you want, and how "perfect" the conditions are when you receive it.

But you can't pursue a deep sense of meaning in your life, and not feel a consistent, measurable happiness....eventually.

That girl up there, running...she is not "happy" at that precise moment. It's early and it's cold. The happiness comes from becoming clear on her "why" - the reasons that drive her to run pavement....perhaps to pray...or get uninterrupted time to sort out tangled emotions...to be alone with God...or to inspire her at-risk girlfriends to improve their strength and stamina.

In short, she must find meaning OUTSIDE HERSELF in her choice to run, a meaning that goes beyond being able to wear a pair of jeans that are a size smaller than her friend. If her "why" is deeply meaningful, the follow-through will bring a reliable happiness that comes with achieving a meaningful goal.

No cheap happies stick around, I'm afraid.

A happy life is different from a meaningful life; and a meaningful life is scientifically proven to be the only consistently happy lifestyle - because, paradoxically, those seeking true meaning are willing to delay the gratification of happiness...

...and they ultimately end up with happiness.

Imagine that.





Grace and Peace,

Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...