Some things come with being a raving brunette beauty. Some things come with being over forty. If you don't think you have fuzz on your upper lip area, step out into the sunshine with me. Come on. Don't be ashamed.
For me, however, some things come with being preoccupied, and addled in the brain.
So I was going through my usual beauty ritual of coloring my hair, shaving the legs, yadda yadda. I was applying exfoliant to my face, whilst soaking in the tub, whilst listening to Steven Pressfield's book on Audible, entitled "Do The Work".
Oh. My. Word. I was completely absorbed in Pressfield's book. Completely.
As I was gently exfoliating my face, I sort of thought, "Hmmmmm. I need to grab that little tube of Oil of Olay Hair Removal For Upper Lip Area" - a product tailor made for all raven haired beauties and women over forty. It works great, really, and comes with its own little moisturizing stick that you rub on your lip first, to minimize any chemical burn from the removal creme.
I schlepped out of the tub, and absent mindedly pulled the middle drawer of the vanity open, and grabbed that little moisturizing stick that comes with Oil of Olay's Facial Hair Removal Creme...and grabbed the first other tube that seemed right. I plunked myself back into the warm jacuzzi - after all, getting out makes you cold, so I was in a hurry.
And Pressfield's book is so good.
I applied the moisturizer, and then generously smeared a dime sized dollop of said tube all over my upper lip, glanced at the time on my smart phone (which was also playing my Audible dot com Pressfield book) and sat back to relax. A full six minutes later, I thought...
..."Hmmmmm. This book is so great. But this creme smells really odd. Really. Odd."
I held the tube at full arm's length, and squinted in an attempt to read the words on it:
Itch. Cream. As in...itch cream for a woman's extremely sensitive area. Back late winter/early spring, I had to go on a brief antibiotic for a sinus infection, and as a result, got the requisite, mild yeast infection. That stupid cream was still in my drawer.
Oh dear Lord. God grant me the serenity. Jesus take the wheel! I yelped and grabbed my wash cloth, scrubbing madly. I had just put that...that... that cream all over my upper lip!,
(I can hear you now..."Oh no you di' int!")
Oh. Yes. I. Did.
And...the story gets better.
I schlepped out of the tub and checked the mirror. No whelps, no bumps, upper lip still there. What a relief. So I opened the middle drawer and grabbed a small black tube.
Somehow, I associated that black tube with Oil of Olay hair removal creme.
I was confident. This time I had it right.
I sank once again into the jacuzzi and turned on the jets, and turned up the volume on my book. I then generously smeared the contents of small black tube all over my upper lip. I glanced at the time on my smart phone.
About five minutes in, I thought, "This book is amazing, but this creme smells too good to be hair removal creme."
I held the tube out at full arm's length, squinted as hard as I could, and read:
"Neck Firming Cream"
It was a sample tube that had come WITH my Oil of Olay Hair Removal creme. I had sat for a full five minutes with neck firming cream all over my upper lip.
By this time, I was howling. I sat and giggled so hard, I cried.
Then, I schlepped out of the tub for the third time, opened middle drawer, and really looked, this time. As in, I turned over all two or three remaining miscellaneous tubes, squinted, held them out at full arm's length, and read them. Towards the back of the drawer...bingo. Found it. Oil of Olay hair removal creme for the face.
Dripping wet, I climbed back in the tub. I generously smeared the contents of said tube allllllll over my very, very firm, and definitely not itchy upper lip.
Only this time, I grabbed the smart phone and took a picture: