Thoughts on Graduation Eve - Last One
Here I sit...propped up on pillows, wanting to talk to all of you. It is going on 11 o'clock and I am beyond the point of exhaustion. When I stand up, my kneecaps shake. This night, somehow, feels like the end of 20 years of hard work.
We are through the rehearsal part of our home school high school graduation - tomorrow is the Real Thing.
No one can know what it took to get here. Truly. You can't know.
Tonight, after taking me out to dinner (once rehearsal was over) the Preacher and I were riding and talking...reflecting on the journey, reflecting on this Epic Graduation of our youngest. In basketball terms, it doesn't feel like a "blow out win". It feels like we squeaked out with a two-point, one basket win. It feels like we could have....perhaps should have....lost.
But we smiled, and took each other's hand, and said, just like we've said after many basketball games the last few years:
A win is a win.
It was ugly. It was messy. This "win" might even be messy, right up to the final seconds. (Isaac swears that he will not wear a tie - mandatory Home Education Association graduation dress code for our area. But I have no room to talk. I am planning on wearing my linen dress pants, instead of the "mandatory" dress or skirt that the powers that be told us we must wear tomorrow...and I wonder where my son gets his penchant for ignoring stupid rules.)
No Valedictorian speech, no sparkling ACT scores. In fact, he qualifies for college by the skin of his teeth. This child was the one who would have been labeled and medicated in public school. The fact that we made it this far is amazing. He was more work than the other three put together, in every way - academically, emotionally, socially, spiritually.
This is a win that has been barely pulled out, and in the "final moments" of the game, no less. The playing, from the beginning of this game to the end of it, has not been pretty. All members of the team could have done better. The coaches could have coached better. The player could have played better.
In short, nothing about it has been perfect. Fans will leave shaking their heads, wondering, "How did they win??!"
But when all is said and done, I can say I did my best. There were more days I did my best, than there were days I didn't do my best. I did my best...on most days. Can more than that be done, really?
I can't even say there were more good days than bad. Not with this boy.
That's the part of home education no one talks about. Some academic years have more dark days than sunny ones. Some children, from kindergarten through graduation, encounter more hard days than happy days. No one wants to talk about that. However, you know me. The Gospel has made me so free, I can tell the truth.
I did what God called me to do.
The Preacher and I pulled out the Messy Win.
But a win is a win.
And when I look back, many years from now, there will simply be a "4" in the wins column - and a "0" in the losses column. Four wins. No losses. I didn't give up. I didn't quit. I didn't quit, maybe even when common sense said I should have.
That will be what matters to me.