Hey, Soul Sister! {Let's Talk About Our Middle-Aged Souls}

                                            (Prints and cards of this can be purchased here )

In his book, Mid-Life Course Correction , which I highly highly recommend, and in fact if you are  going to be in any "In the Middle" class that I teach, will be mandatory reading...

...in this highly recommended book (did I already say that?) Gordon MacDonald talks about the time when he was counseling a man who was in a full blown mid-life crisis.  He suggested to him to "designate a 45 day period during which you will dabble in studying the architecture of your whole life in order to set it on an entirely new course..."

Obviously, MacDonald was not telling this man to quit his job, or to become someone he wasn't, or divorce his wife, buy some sheep and chickens and "reinvent himself" in some dramatic way.  No, the most profound course corrections are the shifts in attitude. 

Always, always act from a fresh, new, optimistic, Christ-centered attitude.  Never make decisions when you are feeling discontent or at loose ends or depressed.  Actually, I cannot emphasize that enough.  Address the inner first, always.  The outer will follow.

It never works in reverse.

That's all we are doing, here.  We are taking 31 days to find a fresh, new outlook on this all-important middle-time of life.  After all, your middle entirely determines your end.  The choices you make here in your middle determine your outcome in a more profound way than even the choices you made when you began.

The Bible says nothing in particular about middle age, because the Bible tells us everything we need to know about middle age.  We truly need not consult any other oracle.  We aren't looking for text about middle age, we are looking for a context for middle age. 

Scripture gives us rich context.

"Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion:  for lo, I come, and I will dwell in your middle, saith the Lord." 
(Zechariah 2:10, quoted with only slight poetic license.  Look it up for yourself...)

31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age {Dress That Body}

Can I get an Amen?

The Message says it this way: 

"Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile."

Being a preacher's wife - and of a small church - I know all about being frugal.  In fact, I would risk saying I can probably afford expensive clothes less than many people I know.

But I am worth more than the sale rack at Wal-Mart, and so are you.  You can get "well-made and elegant" from a thrift store for less than the Wal-Mart sale racks, you just have to know what to look for and how to look for it.

This has been something that has always meant a great deal to me, having been a fashionista all my life.  The amazing grace is, is that God has always seemed to provide for me, in this area.  And The Preacher loves it when I dress up, he loves my style, and wants me to look as good as I can for the budget we have.

The tiny budget we have.

If this is a sore spot with you, first I encourage you to take it to the Lord.  Ask Him why you can't seem to get into wearing pretty things.  It could be because of many root issues, all the way from childhood trauma, to current weight issues, to money issues, to a struggle with gender identity.  Just know this, dear one - it is normal and natural and healthy to want to look beautiful.  Seek healing and restoration in this area of your life, but seek it slowly.  It will come.

Next I encourage you to seek out a fashionista friend.  Find a woman who really knows how to dress for her body type, because chances are, she can tell you how to dress for yours!

If you are blessed enough to find a friend with that kind of time, ask her to come play in your closet with you - your own personal "What Not To Wear" session.  Toss what has not been working for you.

Go on...do it.

Here's my version of "silk and purple":

Sorry for the fuzzy iphone picture and my crazy "mood/inspiration wall" to the left, but Fit 3 jeans from Target are my life.  My world.  My best friends.

Okay, so I exaggerate.  But I do have 3 pair, gotten half price this past early-summer, and they are all I wear.  I own them in dark skinnies, long skinnies (the upturned cuff at the bottom is all the rage right now), and boot leg faded.  I got rid of pretty much every other pair of jeans I owned...ask my daughter Hannah.  She got them all.

Put them with a white T-shirt and some cute flats and a great belt, and you are done, girlfriend.

Silk and purple - a little bit country, a little bit rock n' roll.  Like me.

If you need more inspiration, join Jeanne Oliver's creative community and check out Paige Knudsen's class entitled "Let's Play Dress Up".  Joining the creative community is free.  Paige's class is just $10!

31 Days {...of celebrating middle age...I know, right? It's weird.}

S - Stretch and Strengthen
W - Water
A - Aerobic
P - Portion Control

Your middle aged body needs way less food than it used to.  As in way, way less.  As in, "actually exactly go by those illustrated portion control posters" less - and yes, I will be sharing that with you later in this post. 

But more than any picture that tells you never to eat a piece of skinless chicken bigger than a deck of cards, I want to ask you to get in touch with your feelings.

Not the feelings that make you cry and drink red wine and eat chocolate.  (Though swearing, red wine, and chocolate make me a nicer person.  The way I see it, I am serving my Preacher when I indulge in all three from time to time - now and then, all at the same time.  It's the most unselfish thing I can do for him.)

I am taking about your feelings of hunger and fullness, or hunger and satiation.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and given a chance, your body knows when it is hungry, and it knows when it is just satisfied.  That point when you are no longer starving, but not stuffed.

Satisfied.

Sometimes, I promise, that is only three bites.

But it's three bites of whatever-the-heck you want, no calorie counting, no worrying about fat grams or carbs or gluten.  Just listening deeply to your own body.  (Obviously I am not talking to those with diagnosed allergies to gluten - that is another topic and another blog besides mine, as I am not allergic to anything but legalists.  Ahem.)

You might think that, when you take "the law" off even your physical body, that your body will react violently by demanding...well, red wine and chocolate...24/7.

You might crave those things - so have some.  Honestly, if you are normal at all, eventually you will want spinach.  And almonds.  And grilled chicken.  And fruit.  Call it the "grace diet", call it what you will, all I know is that it works, and it is backed by sound nutritional science.  (Read the work of Debra Waterhouse here  and here  and here)

No laws.  Not even for food.  Actually, that's Biblical - as in, New Covenant Biblical.  Within reason, using the common sense God gave us, we can bless our food - "sanctifying it with thanksgiving" - and partake of anything we wish.

Now, just so you have a place to start, here is that poster that tells you all those interesting portion sizes:

I have unnaturally small hands (not even lying) so this can be a problem for me.

The only law you need live under, is the perfect law of liberty.  You can do all things in Christ, including enjoy food again, be healthy, know when you are hungry and know when you are satisfied, and watch those portions.

Aerobic {SWAP that Middle Aged Body}

Welcome to 31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age!

S - Stretch and Strengthen
W - Water
A - Aerobic
P - Portion Control

Notice I didn't write "aerobicS"...I wrote "aerobic".  Aerobic simply means "with oxygen". 

No one burns fat without oxygen.  In fact, the whole reason aerobics (with an "s") as we used to know it works, is that the increased intake of oxygen fires up your body's fat burning capacity. 

So I want to tell you the 80/20 exercise secret - the 20% of your effort that will yield 80% of your desired result:

Deep breathing.

Walking...while deep breathing.

No, seriously.  Come back!  I mean it!  Those two things, they are like magic, man.  Not even lying.

Once again, "aerobic" just means "with oxygen".  No treadmill required - I hate those things.  Get outside, where your body has to adapt to hot or cold weather.

Those two things, deep breathing and walking, will revolutionize your life if they haven't already (and if you already do them, you can happily move on to the blog that celebrates "31 Days of Stuff I Never Heard Before"):

Remember when "aerobic" meant this:

My sister and I actually did this:



I can hear you now:  "Oh. No.  You.  Di-in't."

Oh.  Yes.  We.  Did.

Ask our children.  Ask their therapist.  (Just kidding...they didn't get therapy.  They still carry the scars, actually.)

Aren't you glad I am not sharing that resource?

Here is what I know will make a big difference for you:

Jumpstart Your Metabolism  by Pam Grout.

Just like with the Miracle Ball method, I shared this book with a friend, this time another pastor's wife.  I gave it to her to take home with her when she and her husband were visiting with us for a week.  She later let me know that it blessed her immeasurably.  She was noticeably calmer, more serene, and had lots more energy and had even dropped a few pounds.

disclaimer:  My pastor's wife friend is a big girl, and a sharp thinker.  I think you are too.  I am trusting you to be a good sorter...a good gleaner...and discard any New Age mumbo jumbo blah blah blah that you may find in this book, and keep some of the great deep breathing exercises...mmmm-kay?

Once you master just a few deep breathing techniques, combine them with your daily prayer walk. 



I think you'll be amazed.

SWAP That Body {31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age}

No one , with the exception of those with injuries who need physical therapy, has to have a gym to become fit.  I will say it again:  to any girl who insists she has to have a gym, I will simply tell her to "drop and give me 50".

Push-ups.  I promise, if you do as many as you can, every other day, they will be effective.

Or how about just 25 burpees?

But first, before metaphorical girl takes me up on my challenge, she better be hydrated.

Seriously, water - pure, clean water - is the singlemost important adjustment you can make to your overall health, if you have (like me) not been drinking enough.

S - stretch and strengthen
W - water
A - aerobics
P - portion control


Today I want to bless you with a(nother) resource and a recipe.

Your Body's Many Cries for Water

Before I give you a synopsis of this book, I am first compelled to go get me a big glass of filtered water...no, really.  I will be right back.

Here is a summary, as stated on the page at Amazon.com



For the first time in medical history, F. Batmanghelidj, M.D., has identified the crisis calls of the body for water --pain, asthma, diabetes, hypertension, multiple sclerosis, chronic fatigue syndrome, and more. He has discovered the key to a longer, healthier, and more vigorous life. He shares with you his medical breakthrough that many people put their minds and bodies under intolerable and unnecessary stress and become sick simply because they do not drink enough water. Unintentional dehydration leads to illness and painful, degenerative diseases that can be prevented, treated, and cure by drinking plenty of water.

You will learn how to use water to:

 * Prevent and reverse premature aging
* Eliminate pains including heartburn, back pain, arthritis, colitis pain, anginal pain, migraine              headaches
* Cure asthma in a few days, naturally and forever
* Cure hypertension without diuretics or other medication
* Lose weight effortlessly and naturally, without strict dieting

It is very important that your water be filtered.  The Preacher and I were gifted with this water filter, several years ago, and it is completely amazing.  Contact me  if you don't have an Amway distributor, and are interested in purchasing the best filter money can buy. 

I am not an Amway distributor, and I make nothing by connecting you with the person who gave us our Amway water filter. 


Here is "my"  recipe for healthy, sugar-free lemonade...a great way to  both increase your water
intake, and get the amazing detoxing benefits of lemon...



~ Have your Preacher drill a hole in the lid of one of your canning jars
~ buy some cute pink striped straws
~the juice of one lemon
~a small canning jar of (filtered) water
~a packet of Stevia
~a slice of said lemon

shake, shake...shake, shake...

Enjoy.

Stretch and Strengthen {Your Middle Aged Body}

Disclaimer:  the woman in the above photo is not me.

From the time I was a wee thing, touching my toes has not come naturally.  I've never been overweight, per se, just wildly inflexible.  Guess what factor, as we age, is one of the most important in overall health and vitality?

Flexibility.  Otherwise known as "range of motion".

Lucky me.

Since I myself am rather inflexible by birth, and have fought vicious lower back pain in my middle age, I have had to find good resources in my quest to Stretch and Strengthen.  I'm excited to share my sources - one of which has been "life changing" to a young woman in our church.  (Her words, not mine...)

The first resource is a classic.  (Meaning:  its old.)  Honestly, though, you cannot improve upon it.  I've researched it, so trust me on this.  This is the best resource out there:

 


A book entitled Stretch and Strengthen by Judy Alter  (and no, I am not an Amazon affiliate.  I make all of nothing if you click that link and buy the book...)

The next resource has done me a world of good, when I actually do it, and it has literally been life changing for a young woman in my church, to whom I recommended the following:

The Miracle Ball Method  by Elaine Petrone


There is no need for an expensive gym membership, just to strengthen your body.  Sometimes, and depending on the location, a gym can be so...so...either "college girl" (cheap gym) or it might scream "I am a woman of a certain age" (posh gym).  Let's strike the middle, shall we?  Let's be different.  Renegade.  Wonderfully outside that box...the one with all the equipment and the heated indoor pool.

Try this app, available for iphone and android, called You Are Your Own Gym

Any woman who actually believes she needs a gym membership to get in shape - I will ask her to drop and give me 50 push-ups.  Bam.  Simple as that.

I have always been a big believer in strengthening using your own body weight.  (Well, I've always believed in it ever since I was a certified fitness trainer in my very early years, who taught everyone else the proper form on all the machines and the free weights.  I became convinced at a young age that there was a better way)


If you were heretofore unaware of these treasures, this one post alone is worth the price of admission. 

I'm so glad you came by to see me today...

Your {Middle Age} Body

Welcome to 31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age!

You just can't address the topic of middle age, without addressing a woman's middle aged body.  (And dressing a woman's middle aged body - but that is for later in this series!)  The fact is, and we all know this:  In spite of every effort, our bodies and our beauty will continue to age.

Oh goody.  Isn't that just precious?

The good news is, you are as young as you will ever be right now, today.  Live it, to the full!

The bad news is, you are as young as you will ever be right now, today.  Take care of your temple.  It's your "brick house", honey.  It's mighty-mighty.

::cough::

I will admit to you that where it concerns self-care, I still "see men as trees walking".  In other words, I am still working on some things, and God is still at work in me.  All I know, is what I know, and I am happy to share that with you.

I want to teach you how to SWAP your body.  Doesn't that sound just like a hit funk song by Chaka Kahn?  (And doesn't every good teacher love an acronym?) 

I know, right?  You want me to stop bragging and carry on with my FBS (my Funky Bad Self).  You can't even believe I made that term up all by myself.

But I did.

SWAP.  It's the 80/20 principle of self care.  (...the 20% of your efforts that get you 80% of the desired result.)

SWAP.  It's the I-Ching of health.

SWAP.  It's the new 40, the new black, the new rage.

SWAP.  It's what works for me, and it's about all I know.

S tretch and Strengthen

Water 

Aerobic 

Portion control 

At risk of sounding overly-funky, I'll say that I'll "break it down" for you in the coming days...you won't want to miss it.

{Look up over your head! Right now! That disco ball I ordered for you is dropping down. Dance break...dance break....dance break...}

31 Days of Celebrating the Middle {Choose to Dare Greatly}

Ecclesiastes says "Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof."

It would be easy to begin the Boston Marathon.  It would be amazing to cross the finish line.

I hear it's the middle that bites.  Every time.  The middle is that place in life where all your mistakes - every error in judgment - begins to show.  You can't hide it anymore.  You can't hide those extra pounds, that red convertible, that divorce, or that strained relationship. You can't mask your own lack of passion or zeal for life. 

Your finish line - your entire destiny -  depends on the quality of the choices you make in the middle.

Hang in there.  Dig in and settle down to work.  Choose to dare greatly, and then choose not to quit.

I adapted a Teddy Roosevelt quote for us.  Seemed appropriate, just now...

“It is not the critic who counts; not the woman who points out how the strong woman stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the woman who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends herself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if she fails, at least she fails while daring greatly. So that her place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

  

31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age {5 Indications You May Be in a Real Crisis }

So you, like me, can admit to "seeing men as trees walking".  You see, but you don't see.  You are on your way to being healed...you just aren't there yet.

Or maybe you, like me in years past, need a little more convincing that your perspective on life and spiritual things is blurry and as yet unclear.  You think you are seeing clearly, but that's only because you think that what you see, is all there is to see. 

Ah!  There is so much more to be aware of, if that's the case.  Even if you don't think you  need mercy, there is Mercy in the Middle for you.

5 Indicators of Mid-Life Deception {Warning:  Course Correction Necessary}

1.  When you find yourself withholding worship and service. 

      ...because you're older now.  You are busy.  You are tired.  You have a career to build or maintain.  You have a family.  You are educated and smart, now.  When you were younger, you used to worship and serve with passion, but you've "matured" since then.

2.  When you find yourself gravitating to extremes: 

    ...either letting go of Godly habits, at the expense of your witness;  or locking down on Godly habits at the expense of your relationships.

3.  When you find yourself with a growing attraction to the world

      ...regardless of how we seek to put our "spin" on it, or justify it, the fact is we are more concerned with building our own house, than we are with building up the house of God (which is always His people).  Somebody has to work to pay for all the toys, right?

4.  When you find yourself in rebellion against legitimate authority

     ....because, well, you know.  That man is not the boss of you.  You've worked hard, and you have your own gifts. You are beyond needing to be under authority.

Well, then you are the exception to the rule, only in the whole history of ever!  Once again, carefully  note that I use the term legitimate authority.  The difference between legitimate authority, and illegitimate authority is motive and track record.  Please see the above link for further clarification.

5.  When you find yourself with theological doubts.

     ...all that stuff you used to believe about the sovereignty of God?  You aren't so sure anymore.  In fact, you are a bit jaded and critical of those who do believe and teach.  You mask it well by saying, "All I know for sure, is that I don't know anything for sure."  Sounds so humble, but guess what?

You can know for sure.

 The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.  (Deut. 29:29)

PS. and by the way...the thing revealed to us today is Christ.  It is no longer the law.  Under the Old Covenant, the law was all they had.  God designed it that way.  But now, all God wants you to know, and all you can know for sure, is Christ.

God has chosen to make known...the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.  (Colossians 1:27)

Hear the words of the greatest keeper of the law that ever was, other than Jesus Himself, the apostle Paul:

For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. (I Corinthians 2:2)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of the best books on distinguishing between law and grace is Silent Killers of the Faith (Overcoming Legalism and Performance Based Religion) by Dr. Steve Crosby

      

31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age {What Do You See?}

So here we are, throwing a word-party for The Middle.  I can't tell you how much it means to me that you'd even come.

No, really.  I mean it.  Who does that?  Only us...only you and me. 

"The Middle".  We stereotype it, we attempt to prepare for it, we compensate for it.  And we instinctively, I think, fear it. 

You have your "middle children".  Don't listen to what the psychologists say about them, whatever you do!  You have "the middle school years" - the most difficult of all of childhood, research has proven.  And you have your mid-life crisis.  Why are middling things so hard?  It seems that the middle of anything is guaranteed to have its hopeless moments.

God has made dear and precious and very personal promises to each one of us.  But in the middle, we often don't yet see the full manifestation of them.  We have experienced the healing touch of Christ in our lives, but only in measure.  Those promises are closer to fulfillment now than ever before, but we still only see them "as trees walking".

Taking the blind man by the hand, He brought him out of the village; and after spitting on his eyes and laying His hands on him, He asked him, "Do you see anything?"And he looked up and said, "I see men, for I see them like trees, walking around." (Mark 8:23, 24)

Very God asks you and I today, "Do you see anything?"

He asks us, not because He doesn't already know the answer, and not because He doesn't intend to fully restore us.

He asks us, because we need to acknowledge that we don't yet see as we ought.

Particularly if you are still under the law, if there is any link between your performance and God's acceptance and therefore His favor,  you still see "men as trees walking". You've experienced the touch of Jesus, maybe even come to a saving knowledge, but you are not seeing clearly. Yet you might go years - alas, decades - insisting that you see just fine.

Then, one day, you hear the gospel preached by a pastor-teacher who is walking in a New Covenant understanding, and you realize that "seeing men as trees walking" isn't the same as seeing Jesus clearly and centrally. You have not been seeing the world as you could and should.

Does this offend you?

Let Jesus put His hands on you again, afresh. The moment you see the God of all grace, the moment your focus is on the finished work of Christ and not on your performance, you finally see everyone else clearly, and through the eyes of love. In fact, through the lens of the gospel of grace, as taught in all the New Testament, everything in all of Scripture becomes clear.

Once you clearly see the difference between an Old Covenant understanding of God, and a New Covenant reality...once you see that all of Scripture, Genesis to Revelation, is really about Jesus...once you see that God thought it wisdom to reconcile us through Him, and impute to us His obedience...

...well, when you suddenly see all that, you will see exactly "why the (heck) it means so much to me" to tell the world.

The power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah (suddenly I see)
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah (suddenly I see)
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah, yeah (suddenly I see)
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah (suddenly I see)
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see, yeah, yeah

Your Spirit - Part III {In the Middle}

 31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age

I know, right?  The middle is barely acknowledged, much less celebrated.  All of us have blown up balloons and wrapped presents for beginnings.  We all have assembled and remembered and brought flowers to endings.  But no normal person throws a word-party simply because...

...we're alive...

...we're here...

...we have regrets...

...we don't give a rip...

...we will celebrate anyhow...

No, this is no normal celebration, because I am no normal middle aged woman, and neither are you, thankyouverymuch.  Hide the husband, hide the kids, because I hope to unleash a whole army of women who celebrate for No Real Reason...

...who celebrate the middle, just because It Is What It Is.

And we will not be held captive to regret.

Hell, no. 

Heaven, yes.  A thousand times, yes.

If you have not yet purchased the book by Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts:  A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are please stop here, and go get it.  (link above)  Go on.  I'll wait.

Did you get it?  Good.  It is a weapon in your Party Arsenal.  If you think of Ann's book as your very own .22 caliber handgun, then please also think of this blog as your very own roundhouse-dropkick-to-the-backside of regret. 

Oh, and also think of this blog as an offense to religious spirits everywhere.

I'd be honored if you did.

It is past time that we live free from regret.  This can only be done by living our lives in the light of the New Covenant.

This is the song my spirit sings over you...right now!

Your Spirit - Part II {In the Middle}

Welcome to 31 Days of Celebrating the Middle!

Regret is the culture of life after The Fall (in the story of Genesis), and regret is a chief characteristic of the middle.  Regret is woven into the warp and weft of the fabric of our days.  Mid-life is when we feel it most keenly - like the first twinges of pain in an arthritic knee we injured in our youth.

We feel the pangs of it in our marriage, our finances, our parenting,  our work.  No one...no, not one...reaches the middle with a perfect track record.  When we were very young, we had what seemed to be unlimited do-overs ahead of us.  Now, we realize there are no do-overs, there is only the grace of God to fall back on. 

This is why an Old Covenant understanding of God will strangle you, come middle age.  If you don't understand that the law was "given", but Grace "came"* - if you are looking at the cross and not  through the cross, you may not survive the regret.  You might just join the ranks of dry bones that populate most churches.

Gone, by and large, by age 45, is the elasticity of the teenager. You tend to not snap back from the big disappointments, much less from the big mistakes. If you stumble and fall at 50, you tend to stay stubbornly down, because either you will not change your mind, or you no longer care.

I believe the enemy of your soul knows this, and ruthlessly uses it to his advantage.

I will be 47 years old one month from today (November 3, 2013) -  so I don't have time to mess around getting this message out to you, so I am just going to say it, instead of segue:

If you are feeling an urgent need for "a change", that is exactly the time you must be still.

Perfectly. Still.

Don't you change one thing until the peace of God returns to you. You dwell in the land right where you are, and cultivate continuity. Faithfulness. Consistency. A holy "Sameness". You tough it out and work it out and clean it out until you are happy with your same life again. You do that until you are completely content with your life as God has given it.

That isn't an unhealthy way to cope with middle age feelings of frustration or meaninglessness, despite what shrinks or therapists are saying. Do not "take the plunge" and "do something entirely new" with your life.  Do not reinvent yourself.

The original you is still in there, and she is who God designed you to be.  Bring her into this season, healed and whole and intact.

When your life is being gnawed at by a sense of meaninglessness, when you are bored, don't run out and build a farm or start a flock of guineas or buy a few Nubian goats or build a mansion or get a new job or get a divorce or move to a new state or leave your church or start a ministry. I would not even add on to my house, if I were you.

Because it is a trap, nine times out of ten. It is usually, at least, a waste of time. What was begun out of discontent does not suddenly become the source of contentment. Our hearts are restless till they find their rest in God - nothing else.  (That's another Augustine quote, by the way.)

Get still, confront the meaninglessness, and wait for that death angel to pass over you. You are covered by the blood, and it will pass over. I repeat: Do. Not. React.
You don't create the real, God-kind of change. The God-kind of change creates you. It finds you. It discovers you. It changes you. Think of every Bible example you know. Real God-change found Sarah. It found Abraham. It found Moses. It found David. It found Peter on the fishing boat. It found a wee little man, that tax collector up in a tree. It found Paul on his horse, when he was still Saul.

Self perpetuated, self activated "change" leads to closed Edens, dead brothers, Ishmaels, silly towers - monuments to the flesh, the wrong king, the wrong decision, forsaken friends, betrayal, and liars dropping dead in God's house.

You are struggling with finding meaning or passion or purpose in the middle, not because you need a change, but rather because you have not infused your ordinary day with meaning.

Meaning is not something we "get out of life". Meaning is something we put into it. Like it or not, you are the one responsible to number your days.

So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps. 90:12

The Hebrew word for "number" means to "name". It means to "assign meaning to what is".

Dominion is still your original purpose, and naming what lies before you is still your original job - just like the first man Adam. You can't take dominion where you are not, you can only take dominion from where you are.


Wisdom is in the sight of him who has understanding, But the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth. Pr. 17:24

If you are wise, all the meaning you need in life is right in front of you. But the eyes of a fool are always on what isn't right in front of him - searching for meaning from the outside in. A fool is always in a position of needing to do something different for the sake of doing something different - as a means of self-medicating against the meaninglessness that the preacher in Ecclesiastes always spoke of...

"Vanity (Or meaninglessness) of vanities," says the Preacher; "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity." Eccl.

Friend, if you are in the grip of those middle ages of disappointment and a feeling that all is absurd, if you are drowning in depression or restlessness, I wish I could just sit with you and help you be still. If you are a woman, I wish I could hug you until the feelings pass. I wish I could "shush" you, dry your tears, and make you laugh and hope again.

I remember wishing that someone could do that for me. And some of the very ones I hoped could help, couldn't. And some of the very ones I thought would be there, left. And some of the very ones I trusted, were the ones least to be trusted, the ones that hurt me the most. And it was a wonderful, bountiful dealing for my soul. And it led me to learn to worship, leaning on my staff of truth, favoring that hip put out of joint by that wrestling match...such a long, long night of the soul.

I can't do much, but I can promise you, if you be still, you will know that He is God. And He will be exalted, yes, even in your life. Your soul is restless till it finds its rest in God - nothing else.

Return to your rest, O my soul, For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you. Ps. 116:7

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some of the best resources for understanding the doctrines of grace:

Living in the Grace of God, by Rob Rufus

Grace Plus Nothing, by Jeff Harkin
Anything by Tullian Tchividjian (the grandson of the great Billy Graham)
* John chapter 1





Your Spirit {In the Middle}

Welcome to 31 Days of Celebrating the Middle!

I have found what I think is an apt metaphor for the spiritual condition of many women in middle age - the ancient Chinese custom of foot binding.  Bear with me, I think this will make sense to you.

"The Chinese women used to have their feet bound.  Small toeless feet were supposed to be a thing of beauty, and a proof that the woman had never had to work in the fields.  Country girls who had to work hard had unbound, free feet, but the women who were aristocratic or wealthy had to hobble around or be carried, on feet that had had the toes bound underneath to prevent growth;  little-girl feet that were painfully kept from being the lovely free things feet were made to be in the first place.  It is a horrible thought, purposely destroying, by breaking and binding up, the feet that could otherwise have walked, run, jumped, danced, skipped and hopped.  But some Christians have...needlessly crippled their personalities from running, walking and skipping."

(Edith Schaeffer, from her book Hidden Art) 

Girlfriend, I will get to the point:  It is your time to dance again, like you did as a little girl, before your feet were bound by the ties of Christian legalism.  

The biggest turning point in my" life in the middle" came when my Preacher-husband began preaching on the doctrines of grace in January of 2009.  He had preached on grace before, but suddenly he became like a man on fire.  He seemed gripped by a steely determination to preach grace as though lives depended on it.  Little did The Preacher know, at least one life was at risk:  mine  

I was held fast in what I know now to be the dark grip of clinical depression.  My two sons were showing signs of rebellion, and my heart wept with Jeremiah:

For these things I weep; mine eye, mine eye runneth down with water, because the comforter that should relieve my soul is far from me: my children are desolate, because the enemy prevailed. (Lam. 1:6)

Bit by bit, inch by inch, Sunday by Sunday, as I sat under the preaching of grace, the veil of Old Covenant law was removed from my face, and I could see God in the face of Jesus Christ.

A Christian life based on my performance had bound my feet from a very young age.  Thinking that my life could be blessed to any degree by keeping the law - my choosing to live under an expired covenant -  had bound my feet, lo these many decades. 

Suddenly, it had caught up with me.  In a serious way, it had caught up with me.  It was a severe mercy in my middle, and I thank God for it.  Most spiritual renewals start out feeling like nervous breakdowns.

I fell in love with the God of all grace, as He really is.  There I was, having been a Christian for 37 years, and only then was I falling in love with God as He really is...God, in the face of Jesus Christ.  

Tears coursed down my cheeks one night, as I read these words, and felt them come alive:

Belatedly I loved thee,

O Beauty so ancient and so new, belatedly I loved thee.

For see, thou wast within and I was without, and I sought thee out there.

Unlovely, I rushed heedlessly among the lovely things thou hast made.

Thou wast with me, but I was not with thee.

These things kept me far from thee; even though they were not at all unless they were in thee.

Thou didst call and cry aloud, and didst force open my deafness.

Thou didst gleam and shine, and didst chase away my blindness.

Thou didst breathe fragrant odors and I drew in my breath; and now I pant for thee.

 I tasted, and now I hunger and thirst. Thou didst touch me, and I burned for thy peace.  
― Augustine of Hippo, Confessions    

Please give me a little time, this month, to unpack these things of law and grace - Old Covenant and New -  with you.  Please investigate the resources I will share with you, if any of this resonates with your spiritual condition right now. 

31 Days of Celebrating the Middle {Welcome}

        Welcome to 31 Days of Celebrating the Middle!

        

So much emphasis is placed on beginnings and endings.  Almost all beginnings and endings are marked with ceremony or celebration.  Beginnings and endings have whole volumes of song and poetry written about them.   As a woman, I think my two biggest personal expenses in life, when it is all said and done, will be my wedding and my funeral.  Both should involve gorgeous flowers, and poignant ceremony.

Very few souls have had the wisdom to understand the middle, much less sing over it or celebrate it.  Any book or movie or project or life story can be muddled and unclear and messy in the middle.  Many tensions lie there, quietly unresolved. 

We are in the middle.  We can't imagine how all this might end. 

But those who know the One Who holds the future, ah...we can sing over the middle.  In fact, the God of heaven and earth does sing over your middle! 

The LORD thy God  in your middle is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) 

 I believe God brought you here, because you need strong encouragement.  You are either 1.  in the middle, or 2.  about to be in the middle-time of life, or 3.  you are in the middle of something, and you just need to know that Somebody sees the end from the middle and has a plan.

The middle is characterized by a few lost battles.  Maybe even many, many lost battles.   Somewhere, someone you love is deeply wounded.  It can seem that an allusive enemy has prevailed. 

Take heart.  It's just one of the mile-markers that indicates you are in the middle.  Somewhere in your life, it looks like an enemy of apathy, addiction, depression, or the death of a relationship - it looks like one or more of these things have won the battle over you or someone you care about. 

Not so.  Hang with me for the next 30 days, and I will prove it.

Here today, and for the next 30 days, “happy” is the order of the day – not in denial of life’s heartaches, but in the very presence of them.  The heart of God is to set a lavish table for you in the presence of your enemy – and to pour so much wine into the empty places of your heart, that you overflow with a sense of what is possible for you and those you love…right here in the middle. 

Please, please get this, if you get nothing else, this lovely October:  You are no less important at age 35 or 45 or 55, than you were at age 5.  Here’s the thing:  you need no less nurturing, either.  

I have good news for you.  Christ died so that you can be nurtured and profoundly comforted!  Hear the words of Jesus:

Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you.  (John 16:7) 

In this Comforter is found a deep, abiding sense of well being.  Here in this place of being comforted by Very God, right here - and here only - can you discover mercy for the middle. 

Work with me, if you can.  You promise to come back for the next 30 days, and I promise to pray, every time I sit in front of this keyboard, that you leave here encouraged and strengthened, and that God grant me great grace to yank a giggle or two out of you.  

Won't that be worth the price of admission? 

I will leave you here, this first day of our 31 Days of Celebrating the Middle, with a little something to help  you get your groove on.  Enjoy!

Coming This October {31 Days of Celebrating Middle Age}

I am all about the season of life most people call "middle age".  And just like those "middle school years", the years of middle age can be vexing and trying and our self esteem takes a hit like it's 7th grade all over again.  I was still wetting the bed in 7th grade - but don't tell.  Since I am more than a conqueror, I have overcome that little issue.  But other issues - just as discouraging - have cropped up in my middle. 

Yet these middling years determine our later years.  The quality of the end depends on the quality of the middle.  I am passionate to see us strong in body, soul, spirit, relationships, and our calling in life. 

Come October, I celebrate for no good reason - simply because we are, and we have come this far...

I celebrate  and honor middle age in my life and in my art...

And (deep breath) this October I will be taking the {31 Days} challenge - and I will be pouring my heart out to you, in a daily effort to impart joy and encouragement to your middle.

Because we are all "in the middle" of something. 

Join me?

Wild and Wonderful Life

I am surprised myself at the longest blogging hiatus I have taken since I began blogging back in 2008. I have not blogged in about three weeks!

It has been a much-needed chance to regroup before moving forward with bigger and better ideas...so much is going on here at The Cottage, and all of it is good.




This dear friend had his 50th birthday bash...




"Make new friends, but keep the old. one is silver and the other gold." Our 50 year old friend is indeed golden...but these are "silver" friends. Fun, new friends.




Our nephew went off to college...our church gathered to pray over him...that's his two year old brother being held by his father, to the right and just behind him. I am crazy about this whole family.




I am preparing for the October Fall Launch of my new jewelry line...




...as well as the fall launch of my pop-up shop, "Intentionally {American} Vintage". Lots of treasures soon to be up for grabs.




...another new jewelry design. This simple leather pendant gets more compliments than you can believe! We are already well past the "3-compliments-from-3-different-strangers" rule...so this one has to go into the shop, come October.



New art that went to my brick-and-mortar outlet called The Paris Apartment




Another of my designs...




A brass with filigree cuff, with my very own soldered art piece on it - the one entitled "She Was Becoming". I completed the design to good reviews, and with one little tweak, it will be ready to be in my shop.



I wanted to be getting ready to go on a date with my Preacher...experimenting with those little pieces of add-on hair. This was too much, but very soon I will find a happy, fun, natural looking fill...I promise to blog all about it, when I do. Good hair is a southern tradition, and no one cares if you guild the lily here.

...but first, I have to tend to my growing business! I have to go take care of this:











Working together with my daughter Sarah, getting all my jewelry designs and original art pieces beautifully installed in this amazing restaurant/coffee shop/boutique/ art gallery/and gift store made for a fun September day. A fabulous place to bring your friends and spend the afternoon.




There is one of my art girls - peeking from her place amongst the other equally beautifully placed things.




Next came the 20th year celebration of our special church community, where Christ is preached supreme. It was a huge bash, this past Sunday, organized by our dearest friends. We left in tears...blessed with two thoughtful and upscale vacations, one for The Preacher and I by ourselves - the other to fulfill our dream of taking kids and grand kids to the beach!




I was excited to welcome Lovely September...she always used to promise me a mellow month...quiet, with few obligations...but not this time. September has been a diva, this year. Very demanding.

But I still love her best of all.

We've a stunning wedding to officiate this weekend. The bride and groom will be wearing plenty of tattoos, they have a God-glorifying testimony, and will be sporting their team colors.

The Bride is a Tennessee Vol fan (love her!) and the Groom is a Forida Gator fan. He and his "boi's" plan to show in Florida Gator colors.

I have no idea what I will wear (dress is casual) but I can promise that the ensemble will involve orange.

Ya'll, this wedding could cause a church split! I mean, we hope not...but you just have to calm any nervous energy with this:




Yes and Amen.

What do you think? Would you be okay with a football-team-themed-wedding?!!
It's actually going to be beautiful.

Here is my mantra, this insanely busy September...well, mine and the preacher's mantra:




All this, and I am also writing for the blogging community's "31 Day Challenge".

Come October, I will be writing on the subject of "Celebrating Middle Age". A brand new post, each and every single day for 31 days.

Stay tuned...thank you to all who have asked about me during my brief absence.

Grace and Peace,
Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Mercy and Grace in the Middle {When Life is Blessed}

Tonight, I had one of those incredible moments when you realize you are "living a dream you have not earned and do not deserve"...and with that, came the awareness to take joy in it.

And to take a picture.

For now, The Preacher and I are empty nesters. I say "for now" because I have learned to not count chickens 'till they not only hatch, but fly the coop. Ours have flown the coop - and seemingly for good, this time. We have no plans on anyone coming back home. Nevertheless, I crow about nothing anymore, because with young chickens, nothing is certain except them changing their plans.

Because our oldest children were honeymoon twins, I have dreamed about what my empty nest would be like since the first year of marriage! We only ever had about five weeks without the awareness that we were not alone. I have missed those five weeks for 26 years, I won't lie. We would do it no differently, even knowing what we know (how hard that first year was), but 26 years worth of only stolen moments alone, in 26 years of marriage, equals a certain eagerness to actually have our house to ourselves.

We have always speculated what life would be like when it was "just us again". And we were somehow wise enough to dream about it, and to take certain steps very early in our marriage, spiritually and relationally, to ensure that the season of our empty nest is a sweet season.

We were weird like that - a desire to run well and to lead was hard-wired into our relationship.

And so, we all grew up together, my Preacher and I and our kids, and he and I imagined what life would be like...and should be like...when it was "just us again".

Tonight, I realized my life had indeed become all I had imagined and hoped for, as the smell of fresh coffee filled my living room.

I took a picture of the exact moment.

The Preacher made me coffee tonight. He brought it to me in our living room, and sat down to read to me out of the book of Romans.

{Not even lying}

It was the empty-nester-dreams of my youth come to life, complete with the rhythmic song of cicadas outside the window. The only thing that hadn't been part of my dream, was the ipad from which he was reading - it had not yet been invented, since Steve Jobs was probably then using a TRS-80.

There we were..."just us". So this is that which had been spoken by the prophet called "my dreams". This is what it was like.

And I was overwhelmed by the goodness of God, as the sun sunk low through the panes of my golden windows.

Grace and Peace,
Sheila Atchley

All blog content is the property of the writer, including all "In the Middle" intellectual and visual art property...

Chapter IV, In Which Sheila Repeats Herself {Stillness is Over-rated}

Please enjoy a repeat post from the archives...I read this today, and laughed out loud.  I must've been wearing my sassy pants on this day...

So much being written these days about "quiet stillness" and "slowing down" and "taking time to just be". I've been the source of some of it in recent months and years! How boring. How overdone. And here I go ("again", my grumpy critics would say - all critics are grumpy)

Fine. Here I go again...contradicting my own self. I am so comfortable with that.

First of all, life is full of paradox and replete with contradiction. I can have a good day and a bad day, all in the same day! I want to live a simplified-sort of life, yet I want to accomplish a thousand worthy goals. I can love someone and sometimes not like them. The only thing I can't do is care and not care enough to take responsibility, both at the same time. But I hear that some folks manage to do it. If that is you, please tell me your secret. Because when I don't take responsibility, I would have to admit that it is because I don't care.

But in general, I am on good terms with contradiction. I understand it. Rainbows cannot exist without two seeming opposites (sun, rain) coming together.

Think of me as the personification of a rainbow. I am colorful. I am a study in contrasts. Get over it. I don't care, and therefore refuse to be responsible. It's my blog. If it bothers you, go read someone boringly bored-in on one perspective. Go read the stilted paragraphs of an intellectual knot-on-a-log, who just happens to be really trying hard to think pretty, happy thoughts, to compensate for being innately grumpy about everyone else's salvation. Go read an Arminian.

Me? I happen to own it all! (see blog post entitled "I Own That") Contradiction, contrast, paradox, mystery...it all belongs to me, and it all fills me with unjaded - and some tell me contagious - delight.

So. I'm completely worn out, and it is wonderful. My life is anything BUT quiet and sweet and still-ly serene, and that's something to be jealous of.  Be very, very jealous.  Because you can.  And you should be.  Not really.

I've learned that all that "simple, quiet" stuff is all so much bull, anyway. Two types of people carry on about being quiet and serene, as if it were the only thing and better than being beautiful and busy: people who are bored with too much time on their hands, or people who have not yet mastered the art of inner stillness, regardless of outer circumstances.

No one has the authority to talk to you about the stillness of God unless they are currently in the middle of the busiest, most complicated season of their life. No one has the authority to talk to you about scheduling unless they don't have the time to talk to you about scheduling, but they fit it into their schedule anyway. No one has the authority to talk to you about joy unless they are always smiling, after having to fight for their joy. No one has the authority to talk to you about mending fences unless they have mended most of theirs, and no one has the authority to talk to you about relationships unless they are busy loving a whole lot of people.

No one has the authority to talk to you about authority unless they themselves are under authority.

Yeah - Biblical logic trumps everything.

I've been too busy on one side, and I've been too still on the other side. Being "too busy" is better.  Finding inner stillness, no matter what my schedule looks like, is the best of all.

See...being too still makes you feel exhausted. Being too busy makes you feel exhausted, but for all the right reasons. And that kind of exhaustion is both appropriate and curable. All it takes to cure that kind of fatigue is a bath and a nap.

I find myself awakening early in this season of my life, feeling rested and ready most days. I typically lay in bed for awhile longer, savoring the start of a new day, and that is about all the "quiet time" I ever see.

I have recently decided that...honestly, now...I love it. I'm tired, and I'm delighted! I'm worn out from doing the work of tending relationships, and diving into new friendships, sink or swim! I'm tired from the creative outflow of writing, planting, harvesting, helping others, growing, mastering new skills, making new intellectual connections and maintaining all I've studied so far. It takes a whole lot of effort to do what you know!

Next year, I might prattle on about the simple, still life again. If I do, I hope I find a way to make it interesting.

 For now, I'm burning the candle at both ends, and it feels like a party. It is both healthy and desirable to burn the candle at both ends, when you can afford another box of candles anytime you want them. An empty schedule equals an empty life. My daytimer is crammed full of names and events. Such a full life.

Makes me tired, just writing about it.